Kevin McAlister from Home Alone was rich as f*ck!

Conz

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Here's a shytty modern Hollywood attempt at a real Home Alone sequel. Writing in real time. it'll suck obviously:

-Kevin is an adult, has a pain in the ass kid. His name is Devin or some shyt to keep the same alliteration with the names. plus you can do the classic, "DEVIN!" mom joke at some point.

-He sits down with his wife and they discuss how he's really on the wrong path, etc. it can be a family dinner with Catherine O'Hara and fam. Fuller steals the scene.

-They all tell his wife he was a pain in the ass too, but one experience really changed the path of his life.

-she's somehow never heard the story of his family ditching him... multiple times. the family spills the beans.

-Mom, at the end of her wits concocts a plan to leave the kid home alone, but it's not real, they're gonna monitor him and it's just kind of a "scared straight" setup. Kevin is whipped and gets talked into it.

-this fukkin sucks, why am i doing this? you still reading this?

-ah fukk, some crazy shyt goes down - Kevin and wife end up running into geriatric Harry and Marv, or some contrived plotline with their newly paroled proteges from prison. you know how sequels go. they recognize Kevin and we see a flashback of Harry and Marv telling them a similar tale as the family dinner earlier, except in this one, Kevin is literally Satan and we see all the old clips of them getting fukked up. Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci each get a mil to be on set for a day. the proteges have a legacy name like "The Tricky Bandits" or they combine the 2 and go with "The Wiki Bandits." like wikipedia and shyt! wet and sticky, fukkin don't know...

-Proteges know Kevin from all the tales. he's basically Paul Bunyun to them. a mythical being. They somehow end up capturing Kevin and Wife. they're incapacitated, can't go back to their kid. proteges get cocky b/c it was way too easy to catch old ass Kevin. Do some kind of Uber trick or some shyt

-Kid is actually home alone now,.. but the fukker likes it. Grandma calls, he acts natural. another Catherine O'Hara cameo. Buzz got cancelled i think, so he's out, although he can be a cop again if he's allowed back in movies. Gramps is dead.

-Blah blah, home alone fun and games with the kid as we intercut with the parents held captive.

-Proteges decide they're gonna make right by Harry and Marv and go rob Kevin's house. They dress like Santa or some shyt, b/c Christmas. i don't fukkin know, gimmie money and i'll flesh it out.

-Kevin somehow gets in touch with son, but in a way that he somehow can't also alert authorities. or maybe he calls the cops but the cop is Buzz and he's still a dikk and hangs up.

-Son has Kevin's ingenuity... but it fails. the new bandits manage to ransack the place, but Devin slips away. bunch of the traps etc are callbacks, but he also throws Peter McCallister's urn at them and his ashes blind them. "Sorry Grandpa!"

-Devin is super proactive like Kevin though, so he manages to go and find his parents.

-you should have stopped reading by now. i cannot believe you're still reading.

-Proteges are dumb. they let him get away and don't immediately go back to their holdup. they find cash and want to have a night on the town or some shyt. they're bumbling idiots, we need time, who gives a shyt

-Kevin and Son team up to set traps and take down bad guys. it's Home Alone 1 and Home Alone 2 in the same movie.

-Mom just Moms in the corner, who gives a fukk. it's a bonding movie between father and son. she can help, but can't have as much of a focal point as the other 2.

-Proteges return home to be hit by some insane traps with modern twists. better than that Home Sweet Home Alone crap. it's a bunch of shyt that would be impossible to set up in the time they had, but movie logic and fukk you, it's Kevin McCallister. the proteges have a hideout full of pilferred goods, so it's a taste of their own medicine when the shyt they've robbed from people leads to their demise.

-McCallisters win the day. Proteges go to jail. Kevin tells them to say hi to Harry and Marv for him.

-Merry christmas and everything. "Maybe next year we'll just take a vacation." hahaha, family laughs. Kid gulps. movie over.

if you wanna bring the house back, since it's a character in itself, you open with the Proteges robbing it. successfully. lay groundwork, but then when we see the family return home, it's not the McCallisters. they sold it years ago. when Kevin and Devin take them down in the 3rd act, they use shyt stolen from the Silver Tuna.
 
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