I played a ton of video games..am a loner. and suffer from mental illness. feelings of feeling like than outcast (waits for someone to say "how? you're privilege white girl!". yes, i have privileges, but that doesn't erase the fact ive been insecure and felt ugly and like a worthless loser my whole life and un-likeable etc etc), suicidal, general discontent towards society.. but I've never wanted to go out there and kill someone.
As someone whos still angered and disgusted by this dude, his words and thoughts and hated the idea that the media was so quick to paint him as "22 year old virgin" Virgin.. As some sort of word to feel sympathetic towards and hated that like every mass murder is always blamed cause of "mental illness" (which I was more upset regarding the racial bias thats so apparent whenever a white dude commits heinous it's blamed on being mentally sick, but everyone else is just a violent thug or terrorist).
BUT Truthfully..most these types of dudes are fukked up long before a video games comics.. whatever people wanna place blame on them..the seeds already been planted. the dude obviously was extremely mentally ILL.. probably beyond repair.
I'm just speaking from my personal experiences with mental illness and this is my observation on guys (or people) like this who fly off the edge.
They are born with a chemical imbalance, that leaves their thought process "off". Their personal observations and thought process are a weapon against themselves mentally, they twist and turn and rationalize in their heads and become so deranged. thoughts like his are rational to the individual because their mind is always on go, a lot of the thoughts come from over thinking, over analyzing and over critiquing themselves and the world around them.
This kid was a narcissist and believed the world was at fault, women specifically for the problems of the world. which more than likely stemmed from observing people and picking up certain things he believed to be true, about how men get women. and what women should be like. he mentions his mom was very caring of him, he liked staying with her more than his dad at times, she pretty much gave dude everything he wanted..he also mentions a women house keeper, he said he really liked and was nice and would go on trips with him hiking or someshyt.. (his first close friend was actually a women) seems his father was what he thought men should be like and his mom, or the women early in his life are what women should be like. showing love and attention. except he was jealous of men and he felt entitled to the women. and as her grew older, and more distant to human beings, his expectations of women were let down. Does seem like he exactly grew up, as a child with disdain towards women or other races or self hatred, just extreme feelings of being an outcast, not good enough.. those other things came came later. albeit, a lot of jealousy and certain things that stick out, as being clues early on in his childhood for what was to come.
He observed a lot of people. What they were and he was not. He compared him selves to others a lot. One of his first observations pointing to the beginning of this was when he seen he dad scoop a girlfriend up quick after the divorce with his mother. He alluded his father getting a new girlfriend so quick to a symbol of masculinity and being good looking.. and money. and thats what gets women or some shyt. At 7 years old..he already internalized the thought process that's what makes you a man and needed to get people (or women) to like you, seems like that turned into this false complex of what he felt women were attracted to (towards the end he mentions how he drove back and forth to arizona to buy lottery tickets hoping to win millions of dollars, and he placed his hope and final chance in life on winning millions of dollars to attract women) he felt he had most the traits of a what he perceived as a man, but was still insecure. he felt like an outcast filled with insecurity and self hatred, he used to rationalize those feelings he had as to why others were the problem. the standards he set for himself or observed what women liked turned into internal discontent when he realized that wasn't the case and became even more anti social, insecure and deranged (feelings of worthlessness, being uncool, not really good at anything...he also mentions drinking with some college kids on a bench and he randomly got quiet and they Asked him why and mentions something like he hated when people asked that because they didn't know how bad social anxiety feels, mentions how he isn't human because humanity never accepted him.. He overcompensated by calling himself a god) all these things, kinda point to that he turned his own personal issues and what he felt like was a tarnished sense of the world and perception of what he should be as a man, and what a women should be into becoming resentful, hateful and jealous of other people. the popular crowd, the people better than him at certain things, to women hatred, to racial hatred, to hatred of other men which he rationalized the people he hated as the issues themselves and not himself and his misconceived perceptions of people, masculinity and females as the issues.
and i think he lacked a proper father figure who shoulda paid more attention to him. he hardly details men in any sort of positive light, except for money and being better at like sports than him and obviously better at getting women. his entire premise of what entails being a man seems so typically stereotypical (being good looking, having money, a nice car, being good at sports and getting women)
and his idea of women seemed fictional.. like out of a stereotypical love movie.
it's like this dude based his entire life off of the idea of the American dream.
"The American Dream.. Gone Wrong"