My son died. June 29th 2020. It was 2 days before his 10th birthday. He was my favorite person in the world. My first born son is 16 and a great athlete. I have 5 year old twin boys with locs and theyre the cutest kids ever. Been married to my only baby mama for over 10 years. But its been damn near a year and I wish I never had kids and a family. Therapy and zoloft helped me no longer want to die, but I struggle daily to find something to live for. Wife is a husk of herself. Just broken. Im trying though. Just recorded an episode of my podcast for the first time since... working on getting the book I finished last May published. Even wrote 3 chapters in the novel Im working on. But shyts hard. Me and God still aint right. I’d just gotten up the energy to start working on me a month or so ago. Lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks from eating right and working out. Started hooping again. Then I tore my achilles about 2.5 weeks ago. Had surgery Monday. Been laid up in my room alone all week. Our friend and her girls had moved in with us for a few months due to some tough times and they moved out last weekend. Immediately the wife gets our kids back in their rooms. Thats cool. We talked about the biggest room being an office/guest room and moving the 16 yr old into a smaller room. What does she do? Moves all her shyt into that room. No discussions, nothing. I know she’s probably mad cause I wasn’t very supportive on Mother’s day, but I was injured and had to quarantine before surgeryz and she’d previously told me she just wanted to spend the day with her mom, it being her first mothers day since our boy passed, and oh yea, her dad (the best man Ive ever known) died 2 months ago so it was her moms first mothers day without him. Instead she sat on the couch silent all day after barely talking all week. I didnt know what to do. So yea, she’s brought me food and water 2/3 times a day but hasnt spent more than 1 extra minute in here all week. So shyt sucks. Ive been fukked up all year missing my boy. I try to take solace in the knowledge that many people lose children. But damn if I don’t sometimes want to get this shyt over with. If it wasn’t for these other kids I probably would have. Its crazy that you can go your whole life being you and doing you and be good. Then you have kids and all the sudden they matter more than you. I was a whole ass man before they even existed and now one is taken from me and I aint shyt. I dont feel like a whole person anymore. Hell I can barely say his name still. I dont know why Im posting all this. Maybe the Oxy got to me, but shyt is rough man
If u ever need someone too talk 2 I’m always available my brother...damn Life is really something else
you should seriously go to therapy and have a real long talk with your wife. unfortunately the both of you have gone through serious loss, but it seems yall are falling apart at the seams right now with three other kids to still take care of. very easy to let the relationship fall to the wayside when the both of you guys are down like this even if passion is gone right now at the very least you need to communicate 16 year old probably understands, but those 5 year olds probably need some reassurance
I hope that RIP in the title ain't suicide talk Cause that ain't an option with u having kids shyt would be selfish as fukk shyt is beyond sad about the death of your son You and ya wife grieving so yall not connecting but give that shyt time Them meds will fukk ya mind up the longer u take them
Bro if you need to talk hit my dm and I'll share my number so we can chop. I don't know alot about you but your name has been around forever. I'm sorry you lost your kid. I would say things will get better but I don't fukking know. Blessing my nikka Be strong
Bro I don’t even want to offend you by saying something cliché so I will just say figure out a way to grieve your son and also make sure you are there for your other kids. They are going through it too. Im sure your wife is as well. Take it one day at a time and try to communicate in a way that opens dialogue. Also maybe seek some therapy as well. As men I know the world excepts us to be strong all the time, but F that. It’s ok to hurt. Stay strong man.
Woah this is heavy king. Okay first off RIP to your son, I can’t even fathom that pain and I truly hope and pray you can learn to heal from this unspeakable tragedy. Secondly good for you for at least trying to get better. From the playing ball to losing weight at least you trying fam. Trust me as a fat nikka I’m really wishing I could pull off what you were doing with the weight. You way ahead of me king and I hope that brings you some solace. About the wife situation to be honest I’m not really sure what to say. The situation with your son & her father maybe breaking her down. Maybe you can look at marriage counseling if available? Finally about the suicidal thoughts, please don’t go there, trust me (seriously trust me) it’s not worth it. With your other Chirren you have so much to live for. Your life has value whether you believe it or not. Seriously King stay blessed you are somebody.
I can't imagine the pain you and your family is going through, but I hope to god things gets easier for you'll from here.
