Verbal Kint
Superstar
My son died. June 29th 2020. It was 2 days before his 10th birthday. He was my favorite person in the world. My first born son is 16 and a great athlete. I have 5 year old twin boys with locs and theyre the cutest kids ever. Been married to my only baby mama for over 10 years. But its been damn near a year and I wish I never had kids and a family. Therapy and zoloft helped me no longer want to die, but I struggle daily to find something to live for. Wife is a husk of herself. Just broken. Im trying though. Just recorded an episode of my podcast for the first time since... working on getting the book I finished last May published. Even wrote 3 chapters in the novel Im working on. But shyts hard. Me and God still aint right. I’d just gotten up the energy to start working on me a month or so ago. Lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks from eating right and working out. Started hooping again. Then I tore my achilles about 2.5 weeks ago. Had surgery Monday. Been laid up in my room alone all week. Our friend and her girls had moved in with us for a few months due to some tough times and they moved out last weekend. Immediately the wife gets our kids back in their rooms. Thats cool. We talked about the biggest room being an office/guest room and moving the 16 yr old into a smaller room. What does she do? Moves all her shyt into that room. No discussions, nothing. I know she’s probably mad cause I wasn’t very supportive on Mother’s day, but I was injured and had to quarantine before surgeryz and she’d previously told me she just wanted to spend the day with her mom, it being her first mothers day since our boy passed, and oh yea, her dad (the best man Ive ever known) died 2 months ago so it was her moms first mothers day without him. Instead she sat on the couch silent all day after barely talking all week. I didnt know what to do. So yea, she’s brought me food and water 2/3 times a day but hasnt spent more than 1 extra minute in here all week. So shyt sucks. Ive been fukked up all year missing my boy. I try to take solace in the knowledge that many people lose children. But damn if I don’t sometimes want to get this shyt over with. If it wasn’t for these other kids I probably would have. Its crazy that you can go your whole life being you and doing you and be good. Then you have kids and all the sudden they matter more than you. I was a whole ass man before they even existed and now one is taken from me and I aint shyt. I dont feel like a whole person anymore. Hell I can barely say his name still. I dont know why Im posting all this. Maybe the Oxy got to me, but shyt is rough man
