Man Depression is Such a Vicious Cycle
- Thread starter ThaRealness
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ThaRealness
Superstar
Yeah, Ive been through health shyt too. This summer, I thought I would have crippling asthma my whole life. It was that bad. Literally had to check into the ER cause I was around people smoking a cigarette.
The weather cooled down, I moved out of my moldy ass apartment... started hitting the gym... and managed to get my asthma more under control then its been in years.
And thats the fukking absurdity of it all. Im healthier then Ive ever been. And somehow Im still depressed. My mind is so fukked up... I can get sick, with the flu or something... feel like shyt... Recover and feel worse then before. My mind is poison
Straw Hat Luffy
Veteran
Maybe you need to do some mental exercises as much as you do physical?
read more, self-reflecting on what you're happy about right now, all the great times you had, socialize with people, write more, create more.
What do you think is the root cause of your depressionYou're stuck in this hole... and just about every way out requires positive energy.
You check for decent jobs
"We're looking for someone who has a positive attitude and can work in a high energy environment!!"
"Oh fukk"
I thought ya'll needed someone with a cynical attitude who can work in a low energy environment
You try to get some p*ssy
"Hey"
Her - "Whats up"
Im dead broke. Please dont ask me to take you out.
I think I may be too depressed to fukk
"Do you like music?"
*No response*
ThaRealness
Superstar
I could never accept reality.
Like... When I played sports growing up... I was ight.... But you couldnt tell me that if I didnt practice extra hard, I couldnt become a professional athlete. I thought I had the potential to be the greatest ever. And when reality set it... I just quit on that shyt. Like a bytch.
There was no in between... Like if I couldnt be the best at something, I would just drop it. So I just dropped a lot of things. I just had a spoiled, bytchmade attitude that resulted in me cutting everything, and everyone, out of my life. So for at least 5-10 years, my life was completely empty.
living like that for 10 years.... A lot of days I just wake up and say 'fukk this shyt'
I hate the person I used to be, which means I'll always hate part of myself. Because no one changes completely.
I brought all this bullshyt on myself
A.V.
reTIreMEnt: THE ALBUM (01/22) ALL DSPs
Stay strong brothers. Be kind to your mind.
ThaRealness
Superstar
Bruh Im dying to get to the gym. Gettin my car back from the shop tomorrow
I gotta step on that court man
I feel you on that.I could never accept reality.
Like... When I played sports growing up... I was ight.... But you couldnt tell me that if I didnt practice extra hard, I couldnt become a professional athlete. I thought I had the potential to be the greatest ever. And when reality set it... I just quit on that shyt. Like a bytch.
There was no in between... Like if I couldnt be the best at something, I would just drop it. So I just dropped a lot of things. I just had a spoiled, bytchmade attitude that resulted in me cutting everything, and everyone, out of my life. So for at least 5-10 years, my life was completely empty.
living like that for 10 years.... A lot of days I just wake up and say 'fukk this shyt'
I hate the person I used to be, which means I'll always hate part of myself. Because no one changes completely.
I brought all this bullshyt on myself
If you're not the best you feel like a failure.
I kind of similar issues, but you can't beat yourself up over it.
First of all, thank you for sharing. Anytime we can express our feelings on this topic I am very appreciative of it.
At the end of last year I cracked my human genome and learned how to feel happiness 24/7, dark skies couldn't cloud my smiles. January I saw the release of my facial muscles, returning to a regular state and February has been miserable.
I think the death of Kobe kicked off my ride down this slide of disontent and debt to depression. Every time I'm in that state I have to work my way through it mentally and pay access to correct my mind.
Your story resonates with me, growing up I didn't have discipline to commit to things but was always naturally good at them. If I ever did settle down into a particular field I would reinvent the wheel.
Arrogance of youth and inexperience. Correcting that behaviour is difficult but is a lifelong and worthwhile battle. There is something that enticed me as a kid to be the star with my work, filling in the gaps of love I missed out on. Then I settled for the background as my eyes got wider and bravado became larger.
When I climbed down the tower of the all knowing and realized that I wore no clothes I started seeing myself for who I am.
Pulling all of the pieces together and accepting who you were and am but knowing there is work to be done.
Take up therapy, it is life changing If you get the right person.
Keep on walking, your feet got you this far, this isn't your stop.
At the end of last year I cracked my human genome and learned how to feel happiness 24/7, dark skies couldn't cloud my smiles. January I saw the release of my facial muscles, returning to a regular state and February has been miserable.
I think the death of Kobe kicked off my ride down this slide of disontent and debt to depression. Every time I'm in that state I have to work my way through it mentally and pay access to correct my mind.
Your story resonates with me, growing up I didn't have discipline to commit to things but was always naturally good at them. If I ever did settle down into a particular field I would reinvent the wheel.
Arrogance of youth and inexperience. Correcting that behaviour is difficult but is a lifelong and worthwhile battle. There is something that enticed me as a kid to be the star with my work, filling in the gaps of love I missed out on. Then I settled for the background as my eyes got wider and bravado became larger.
When I climbed down the tower of the all knowing and realized that I wore no clothes I started seeing myself for who I am.
Pulling all of the pieces together and accepting who you were and am but knowing there is work to be done.
Take up therapy, it is life changing If you get the right person.
Keep on walking, your feet got you this far, this isn't your stop.
Another thing i want to add.
Not sure if you or anybody else can relate but I tend to hide my issues from other people out of fear of them misunderstanding, judging, them thinking I'm crazy, or a lot of bad things. Its embarrassing because then the question becomes why are you sad or what's wrong? I'm also embarrassed to admit what triggered me, whatever problems and etc so I hide my true feelings with a smile, bringing up a different topic so they dont even know or try to act like everything is okay despite being in pain or upset for real. Unfortunately, I havent perfected my facial expressions or body language so people know something is off. I rarely open up to others about that shyt and it has even made me withdraw or isolate myself away from a lot of people out of fear of them knowing about that shyt. I've told about maybe aside from any therapist, shrink or complained on this web forum only a handful of people offline about this and yeah, they dont get it.
But its tiring hiding my true feelings. I also tend to isolate myself away from other people so they dont know that shyt which is why I tend to spend time a lot of time alone. I also overthink and live in my head unfortunately. I do road trips by myself where I drive and go to different places as a way of I guess trying not to think about my problems or a way of healing myself. I love traveling regardless but I feel that in a way its been a form of escapism for me like how weed has become.
Been trying to open up the curtains to let light into my room recently to see if the sun can help change my mood which was something. Ive trying to fight back because thats all I can do though I'll admit, I'm losing the war against this. I feel like making myself fall on the ground and crying to get it all out but see... another thing with depression is being so used to being depressed that I cant get myself to cry. It's like I'm too used to grieving.
And the crazy part that scares me about getting better and having that depression/anxiety where I'm no longer dealing with this shyt scares me more than dealing with it because this is what Ive known. It's like imaging being locked up for 20 plus years then being released into the world having to go back to doing what you were doing before you were locked up. It's scary. That's what it felt like when my OCD went away from that zoloft 7 years ago temporarily. It was a relief but it was a hit in my face because that shyt became me. It became my identity that I didnt know how to be me without it.
Not sure if you or anybody else can relate but I tend to hide my issues from other people out of fear of them misunderstanding, judging, them thinking I'm crazy, or a lot of bad things. Its embarrassing because then the question becomes why are you sad or what's wrong? I'm also embarrassed to admit what triggered me, whatever problems and etc so I hide my true feelings with a smile, bringing up a different topic so they dont even know or try to act like everything is okay despite being in pain or upset for real. Unfortunately, I havent perfected my facial expressions or body language so people know something is off. I rarely open up to others about that shyt and it has even made me withdraw or isolate myself away from a lot of people out of fear of them knowing about that shyt. I've told about maybe aside from any therapist, shrink or complained on this web forum only a handful of people offline about this and yeah, they dont get it.
But its tiring hiding my true feelings. I also tend to isolate myself away from other people so they dont know that shyt which is why I tend to spend time a lot of time alone. I also overthink and live in my head unfortunately. I do road trips by myself where I drive and go to different places as a way of I guess trying not to think about my problems or a way of healing myself. I love traveling regardless but I feel that in a way its been a form of escapism for me like how weed has become.
Been trying to open up the curtains to let light into my room recently to see if the sun can help change my mood which was something. Ive trying to fight back because thats all I can do though I'll admit, I'm losing the war against this. I feel like making myself fall on the ground and crying to get it all out but see... another thing with depression is being so used to being depressed that I cant get myself to cry. It's like I'm too used to grieving.
And the crazy part that scares me about getting better and having that depression/anxiety where I'm no longer dealing with this shyt scares me more than dealing with it because this is what Ive known. It's like imaging being locked up for 20 plus years then being released into the world having to go back to doing what you were doing before you were locked up. It's scary. That's what it felt like when my OCD went away from that zoloft 7 years ago temporarily. It was a relief but it was a hit in my face because that shyt became me. It became my identity that I didnt know how to be me without it.
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