Men and women DON'T NEED each other anymore

[Vandelay]

This is an interesting take considering he spent the first few minutes saying that the video was in response to a female viewer and he says he tries to not be overly aggressive on either end of the spectrum.

Not getting the tone you mention either, as he is more fascinated by what is going on more than anything else. At least in this particular video.

Why do so many people assume you can only make content like this if you are nursing some relationship wound from ten years ago?

Dating and relationship dynamics are different in 2023. Total facts. It's going to only change more and never go back to the way it used to.

I'll see if I can find some videos and specifically highlight times that he said that flipped my radar off. His language is disarming because it's not goldigger, hoe, bodycount. It's more innocuous than that.

For instance, here's a video on hypergamy. I'm not going to pretend hypergamy does not exist, but he's generalizing women that this is exclusively the average woman's expectation. Again, not going to pretend there isn't a door price for a lot of women; a job, maybe a car, etc. There is a baseline, but to assume that there's a constant upward monkey-branching by all women is wildly disingenuous.



The same way WE tell or chastise women for who they casually sleep with, US dudes need to keep our eyes open to women who are opportunists. In the relationship sphere, if you're leading with what you have, that's what you're going to attract.

It's an assumption by him we should not only understand, but accept this behavior by being their "best option". I don't think most women are wired like that, and while it might be a sizable number, I don't even think most western women are like this.

 

[Wildhundreds]

Made.

People are born with a "Clean slate" (generally) and it's your environment that will dictate where you fall in the first 15 years of your life.
You see on here folks talking about how their uncle gave them some much needed dating tips and it saved them from years and years of not knowing what the hell to do.

Incels and Simps are made because of different reasons.

A Simp doesn't love themselves, they have no idea how to love anything. Why? They weren't shown that as a child.
So they chase after that "lack of love". They convince themselves that any woman who gives them attention could be the one to finally give them that which they lack in their hearts. Men generally simp before they either go Incel, stop caring, or "figure it out"(via dating advice, Red Pill, etc etc.)

An Incel can evolve from a Simp, but it's usually from repeated failed attempts at dating/getting/keeping women's attention. They resent that other Men have "figured it out" and they can't. So then it becomes a combination of self hate, jealously, and anger at the world. That is why you will see that they hate themselves just as much as they "hate" women. They don't hate women, they just convinced themselves that they do because it's easier to handle emotionally.

I'm being very broad and general here but you get the idea. It's a gradual process and since Men get laughed at for not "figuring it out", they suffer in silence until they find one of those various communities.



Yea I think back on my parents divorce (twice actually) and I realize that I've never seen a positive relationship. Forget my own.

Lot of 90s kids feel the same way. Interesting.

It gets no simpler than the bold.

You can't love anyone else before you love yourself, and that cannot be refuted.. And when you do love yourself, you're not an a$$hole to other people.. So menwho are mean to other women, but claim they love themselves, are liars and the truth isn't in them..

 

[re'up]

Intimacy is right up there with food clothing and shelter for a straight man. I need p*ssy for my well being. I'm soundly based in Harlem

Sure, like Maslow's theory of needs. Connection, intimacy. I need and want and have those things. I do need connection and intimacy. I don't need a women who has a body count of ______whatever. I don't need a woman to put me before herself. I need someone who I connect with. and have at least some intimacy with.

I think more intimacy/connection based values is getting away from the hyper specific/demands that a lot of men and women use when they describe each other.

I need a man to ___________ for me. My woman needs to ______

that kind of thing.

 

[re'up]

His videos tend to deal with female nature and preferred masculine response in hetero-normative relationships.

His tone is fairly dismissive and veiled in a lot of high psychology terms. Thing is, he isn't flat out wrong if we're using generalizations, but he conflates some destructive tendencies with prototypical female behavior. I don't really buy that. People are people. If that person isn't for you, then move on, don't try to pathologize all women with that worldview. I'm a believer that if you keep getting the same results, it's probably more you than the other people.

This is why I think someone hurt dude because he tends to put that worldview on the average woman. It's just harder to pick up on because he uses a lot of therapy-speak that has gotten popular in the last 10 years, but most people either aren't using correctly or don't fully grasp.

you hit two very relevant topics, which is the pathologizing of ALL women, monolithically, which I understand sometimes is just people speaking casually, but more often than not, they really believe ALL are like this. Or like that. Not really true. Culture, economical, personal experiences all shape a person.

And therapy speak, which has been almost weaponized for a lot of really insidious and hurtful purposes. Labeling normal behavior as highly technical and qualified term.

 

[re'up]

To add about therapy speak, without doing the real work, and self reflection/self accountability, that is what true growth and maturity is about, it's just empty nonsense speak, and it's not harmless, because the weight of those clinical sounding terms, gives it authority.

For example, someone being really insensitive to someone else, and saying" well I need to prioritize myself right now"

all under the guise of wellness and "self care, when it's really just self involved, self serving behavior.

 

[Vandelay]

you hit two very relevant topics, which is the pathologizing of ALL women, monolithically, which I understand sometimes is just people speaking casually, but more often than not, they really believe ALL are like this. Or like that. Not really true. Culture, economical, personal experiences all shape a person.

And therapy speak, which has been almost weaponized for a lot of really insidious and hurtful purposes. Labeling normal behavior as highly technical and qualified term.

And maybe me saying someone hurt dude is a bit overblown, but as a therapist I would think he has enough discernment not to make blanket statements about the general population. I doubt he's a statistician, so he shouldn't be using his psychology practice as indictment on all people. He's clearly only seeing anecdotal episodes and just because he sees a high incidence of it doesn't necessarily mean it's the norm.

It's like that old saying, if you're a hammer all you gonna see is nails. If your a relationship psychologist/therapist you are going to overindex on divergent antisocial behaviors and look to pathologize that behavior on seemingly unrelated circumstances.

 

[Left.A1]

fakkit white man Incel Babble

 

[Wildhundreds]

And maybe me saying someone hurt dude is a bit overblown, but as a therapist I would think he has enough discernment not to make blanket statements about the general population. I doubt he's a statistician, so he shouldn't be using his psychology practice as indictment on all people. He's clearly only seeing anecdotal episodes and just because he sees a high incidence of it doesn't necessarily mean it's the norm.

It's like that old saying, if you're a hammer all you gonna see is nails. If your a relationship psychologist/therapist you are going to overindex on divergent antisocial behaviors and look to pathologize that behavior on seemingly unrelated circumstances.

This how white people think and how they view the world.. It takes too much time/effort to see each person as a individual. So they see a certain amount and feel they've seen enough and make blanket statements. You cannot do that in a setting dealing with relationships. Everyone was raised in totally different environments that took part in shaping who you are. And you got black men and women who went to white institutions of higher learning and think the same way. Not knowing that type of thinking is how white people implement the white supremacy they claim they hate.

 

[Afro]

you hit two very relevant topics, which is the pathologizing of ALL women, monolithically, which I understand sometimes is just people speaking casually, but more often than not, they really believe ALL are like this. Or like that. Not really true. Culture, economical, personal experiences all shape a person.

And therapy speak, which has been almost weaponized for a lot of really insidious and hurtful purposes. Labeling normal behavior as highly technical and qualified term.

And maybe me saying someone hurt dude is a bit overblown, but as a therapist I would think he has enough discernment not to make blanket statements about the general population. I doubt he's a statistician, so he shouldn't be using his psychology practice as indictment on all people. He's clearly only seeing anecdotal episodes and just because he sees a high incidence of it doesn't necessarily mean it's the norm.

It's like that old saying, if you're a hammer all you gonna see is nails. If your a relationship psychologist/therapist you are going to overindex on divergent antisocial behaviors and look to pathologize that behavior on seemingly unrelated circumstances.

These are the kinds of discussions I rock with

I can see where you are coming from, we all have our negative dating stories which can color our experiences going forward.

I believe Red Pill calls the generalization “AWALT”.

All women are like that, which I never truly rocked with. But if you tried to discuss that on the subreddit years ago, man it caused fights that lasted days.

Because of that, you got some Men tapping out before even beginning.

I would like to see some more nuanced content on dating but I haven’t found it yet. He is the closest and I know I don’t agree with everything he says. Nor should anyone really, none of these talking heads should be your one and done source of info.

 

[Afro]

It gets no simpler than the bold.

You can't love anyone else before you love yourself, and that cannot be refuted.. And when you do love yourself, you're not an a$$hole to other people.. So menwho are mean to other women, but claim they love themselves, are liars and the truth isn't in them..

Not unnecessarily mean but I agree with you.

You simply reciprocate energy or at least that is what I do these days. You keep your energy for the folks who rock with you and KIM.

 

[Vandelay]

These are the kinds of discussions I rock with

I can see where you are coming from, we all have our negative dating stories which can color our experiences going forward.

I believe Red Pill calls the generalization “AWALT”.

All women are like that, which I never truly rocked with. But if you tried to discuss that on the subreddit years ago, man it caused fights that lasted days.

Because of that, you got some Men tapping out before even beginning.

I would like to see some more nuanced content on dating but I haven’t found it yet. He is the closest and I know I don’t agree with everything he says. Nor should anyone really, none of these talking heads should be your one and done source of info.

AWALT, never heard that acronym.

As far as dating talking heads, believe it or not the women have generally been more reasonable to me; Appollonia Ponti and Sadia Khan specifically.

Ran across this video from Sadia yesterday or the day before and I thought it was excellent advice that's often not considered.

 

[Diyhai]

Intimacy is right up there with food clothing and shelter for a straight man. I need p*ssy for my well being. I'm soundly based in Harlem

Intimacy and getting pussc not the same thing imo

 

[re'up]

and like @Afro

touched on the relationships you see in your teens vastly influence you, and you can learn everything from very unhealthy or bad models, which a lot of us do. My parents divorced young, and didn't model great behavior, but they also didn't model dysfunctional behavior. Didn't see ugliness or horrible fights, but didn't get a lot of guidance from either on relationships.

Friends parents provided better models at times, and then by middle school/high school, you start to see really bad models, highly possessive, volatile, abusive, emotionally and otherwise, and then often cruelty, rejecting people for not being popular, or "ugly", whatever. And we all carry that going forward. How many of us learned to almost brutally tease women we like? Not that I always did that, but it was something we all were exposed to.

I am sometimes pretty surprised that I ended up ok, and did enough work on myself that I could discern healthy from unhealthy, and so on. and also treat everyone with respect, and consideration. And also continued to learn, and experience, work on myself.

 

[CrushedGroove]

Truth be told, there's a serious attention grabbing line in that.

My wife and I understand that we can live without each other, but our desire to be together is so strong, we don't want to.

 

[Diyhai]

Truth be told, there's a serious attention grabbing line in that.

My wife and I understand that we can live without each other, but our desire to be together is so strong, we don't want to.

Synergy - the interaction of elements that when combined produce a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual elements, contributions.

You shouldn’t need anyone but if you meet someone you connect with, it’s a richer life.