Men of the Coli, what REALLY makes difference when choosing to commit to a girl or not?

[Slimwithafatgirlsappetite]

My level of commitment generally has nothing to do with the woman or what she does for me Seen my exes talk about me at a party and describe me as two different people

I've done good women dirty for no reason other than the fact that I like making my own decisions and I like people who make their own decisions. When those two things link up? Awesome. If they don't? Well, they don't anymore. The minute I feel like dead weight or vice versa I'm looking at 'Why?' and am already checked out.

Thinking back to this one girl who pissed me off more than anything... One day out the blue she said she'd like to leave her grad program and move across the country to be with me.

Lost all respect for her instantly. Even started beating myself up for reading her wrong. I know some other guy would love that shyt and I hope she finds him.

Timing is probably the best way to say it.

Thanks a lot for this response even though parts of it made me sad and a little angry. LOL.

I will say the bolded in particular I think is really key and totally what most women are missing.

I think women always personalise it and make things about themselves when it’s not necessarily. It’s refreshing to hear a man admitting it’s about themselves and not the girl because I think a lot of women ‘blame’ themselves for thinking it was them not measuring up.

 

[Serious]

...OR rather, are men truly random when it comes to commitment?

...is it really mostly about timing and the right girl at the right time or is it something more specific?

I say this because I often hear girls confused as to why a man chose to commit to another woman and not to them, especially when on paper the other girl may have been a ‘better’ catch etc. maybe looks wise, career wise, personality or a combination of all of those things.

OR you’ll see a dude string a woman along for years and not make a commitment and then commit to someone that seems very ‘random’.

Anyway, honest question, what makes a difference to you when choosing to commit or not?

ESPECIALLY if we take out the superficial aspect i.e physical beauty. Beyond that, what is it that makes you commit or not? Is it just the girls vibe, the timing, where you are in your life...a combination of those things?

I’m really interested to know because I feel like this question really mystifies a lot of women, myself included.

Honestly, I usually take physically beauty out of the equation......

What I mean by this is, I'm not expecting a woman I would commit to necessarily look like an IG model, but she should still be attractive.

Now regarding regarding traits I look for....

I look for empathy, selflessness, definitely the timing(where I'm at in my career ), intellect(can't tolerate a woman who doesn't know anything, read books or intellectual curious in some capacity.), independence(don't want someone that's super clingy and doesn't have a life of their own), respectful of boundaries(isn't kicking it with male friends), easy going(some woman love to argue over everything), I also look at her friends, habits and check her mindset regarding some stances on issues

 

[Slimwithafatgirlsappetite]

Honestly, I usually take physically beauty out of the equation......

What I mean by this is, I'm not expecting a woman I would commit to necessarily look like an IG model, but she should still be attractive.

Now regarding regarding traits I look for....

I look for empathy, selflessness, definitely the timing(where I'm at in my career ), intellect(can't tolerate a woman who doesn't know anything, read books or intellectual curious in some capacity.), independence(don't want someone that's super clingy and doesn't have a life of their own), respectful of boundaries(isn't kicking it with male friends), easy going(some woman love to argue over everything), I also look at her friends, habits and check her mindset regarding some stances on issues

Thanks for the answer.

Again, I’m going to be honest there’s a lot I don’t like about this answer, but I appreciate the honesty. Interesting again that timing is mentioned as an important factor.

 

[Serious]

Also most importantly because I don't mess with birds...

The real question, I'm asking myself with a woman that I'm seriously dealing with is.....


Can this woman be a good mother? Would I be cool with her if she got pregnant? And could I see myself with her for the next 30 years.

 

[Serious]

Thanks for the answer.

Again, I’m going to be honest there’s a lot I don’t like about this answer, but I appreciate the honesty. Interesting again that timing is mentioned as an important factor.

Most women probably wouldnt be cool with not knowing that they're not the most attractive woman to their man, but the reality is....

Society already places too high of a superficial and unrealistic standards on women, beauty wise.


The reality is I care more about the character than the presentation, because I've messed with IG looking models in the past, who had no real upside to them aside from looks. Even the sex didn't live up to the expectations.

It really did nothing for me. I got way more out of a relationship with women that were moderately attractive and slender, with a variety of traits vs women that I sought who were solely attractive first and had that classic IG model look yet were too into themselves.

 

[NotAnFBIagent]

Sometimes the heart just wants what it wants
The other person might be better on paper but you can't help who you fall for

 

[Slimwithafatgirlsappetite]

Sometimes the heart just wants what it wants
The other person might be better on paper but you can't help who you fall for

I don’t quite believe this, but O.K.

I feel like there’s always SOME reason it might just be something the man doesn’t want to admit to himself.

 

[xCivicx]

Please at least ATTEMPT to take this thread seriously...I’m genuinely curious.

You say take the thread seriously, but post 2 examples of crazy females who should be avoided

 

[old_timer]

For me the differentiation is teamwork

People confuse compatibility and willingness to compromise with teamwork

But true teamwork is needed for a long term commitment to the pursuit of an excellent life

 

[xCivicx]

O.K I don’t think the second part is true, at all but I appreciate the first part of your response. So it’s instinctive basically, got it.

So youre asking for men's opinions and then immediately discounting the opinions of said men

Got it

This is supposed to be a serious thread though

 

[ThrobbingHood]

Send me your picture and I’ll give you an honest answer of what pay grade you should aspire to. No bullshyt.

 

[Slimwithafatgirlsappetite]

You say take the thread seriously, but post 2 examples of crazy females who should be avoided

My point was to illustrate that most people thought Chilli and a Usher were perfect . Equally beautiful, successful in the music industry, RNB royalty, the ideal couple...Usher never proposed to Chilli and actually cheated on her. He then went on to marry a woman that was the total opposite. I’ve seen and experienced e similar things in dating and many other women have too and it just leaves us wondering, that’s the point.

 

[NotAnFBIagent]

I don’t quite believe this, but O.K.

I feel like there’s always SOME reason it might just be something the man doesn’t want to admit to himself.

Well yeah it could just be chemistry infatuation etc

 

[Slimwithafatgirlsappetite]

So youre asking for men's opinions and then immediately discounting the opinions of said men

Got it

This is supposed to be a serious thread though

I said I appreciated the response I just disagreed that 80% of women are liars. Disagreeing with an opinion isn’t discounting it.

If you don’t like the thread you’re free to leave.

 

[ThrobbingHood]

So youre asking for men's opinions and then immediately discounting the opinions of said men

Got it

This is supposed to be a serious thread though

I wouldn’t expect anything less.

“Tell me how you men really feel.”

“Well-“

“LIIIAR!!!!!!!”