Men's advice on dating for women

[CinnaSlim]

Coli men seem to have all the answers, so here's your chance to show out and share gems.

My question of the day is if dating and a relationship require two people getting used to each other and adjusting to the other person's wants and needs... How patient should you be? How long do you wait for someone to get their act together?

People say we should give guys with potential a chance. And I understand you teach people how you want to be treated. I'm patient but I don't want to feel like I'm raising a man. Its to easy for me to just move on to the next one when I get stressed out.

Help me brehs, I'm trying to choose better.

@Phoenix Reborn @IronFist @Oso @MooseMouthMthafuga @Chief @baqardi @General Mills @Mr. Somebody

 

[The M.I.C.]

I rather observe but since you're one of my favorites on here I'll engage.

I typically give a term of three to six months. I'm gracious in patience but my time is too precious to invest extra emotional and mental resources when it's not needed. The keyword is time..what may look like gold will ultimately come through as tin as time wears down on that veneer, if that happens..get moving.

Typically, people tend to reveal themselves (and their flaws) within this time frame, even though it can happen faster. You have to be straightforward about addressing those type of issues as they happen to give yourself leverage and the partner no excuses if they decide to keep fukking around. If they shape up, fine..If not, your exit strategy will build itself up and hopefully will let you slide out with no emotional scars.

 

[315]

I don't know

 

[marcuz]

just cut and run like you know you want to.

 

[The ADD]

Need more details

 

[MikelArteta]

Brehettes like you will never be happy, and will continue to tree branch from men to men, looking for the perfect man who doesnt exist.

Everyone has flaws, everyone has things that irritate you.

Getting their act together? So if a man has everything together and loses his job, his house his health your going to bounce?

Aren't you already one divorced?

 

[The M.I.C.]

I did a session with this lady who was admitted last week.

She had an emotional breakdown at work and was referred by her family to the ward. Apparently, she's been in a relationship with a man for five years who has been non committal to the ideal of marriage for the last two. She was literally campaigning for him to marry her even going so far as to allowing herself to get pregnant in hopes of provoking him to settle down. Unfortunately, it provoked him to detach further from the relationship..triggering a depressive episode and subsequent breakdown.

I asked her if she explained what she wanted from the relationship to him and she said yes during the second year of their relationship...that she eventually wanted marriage. His response was simply that he wanted to "think about it.". He kept avoiding the question afterwards..I simply asked her why did you continue to pursue when you both had different ideals on the direction of the relationship? Her answer was...I thought I could change his mind. Situations like these seem typical but it's relative.

Your time is the greatest asset God gave you. Pursuing people or things who are not like minded or yoked to you is inviting unnecessary trouble and pain and loss of time that you can never get back. Give patience but also be godly in wisdom to know when it's time to protect yourself. This lady lost the man, probably her job and has a kid in a household that they shouldn't have been in due to not knowing when to let go.

 

[CinnaSlim]

Brehettes like you will never be happy, and will continue to tree branch from men to men, looking for the perfect man who doesnt exist.

Everyone has flaws, everyone has things that irritate you.

Getting their act together? So if a man has everything together and loses his job, his house his health your going to bounce?

Aren't you already one divorced?

nikka, why you always hating? That's not at all what I'm talking about yet you always projecting.
The whole point is that I end up staying too long trying to make shyt work that aint working. I'm trying to find a middle ground.

I don't date for money. I married my ex when we were dead broke. Courthouse wedding, we brought cheap rings at the mall about $100 for the whole thing, (license, rings, ceremony). He left me not the other way around but continue to act like you know my life.

@Phoenix Reborn You were right lol

 

[Larry Lambo]

What do you mean by "potential"?

An attractive woman does not need to date a man that doesn't have his s**t together from a mental and financial perspective.

Now if you're talking about appearance/style/swag, then yeah I can see the benefit in getting a guy that isn't fully polished and cleaning him up a little.

 

[MikelArteta]

Not hating just want the best for my black queens

nikka, why you always hating? That's not at all what I'm talking about yet you always projecting.
The whole point is that I end up staying too long trying to make shyt work that aint working. I'm trying to find a middle ground.

I don't date for money. I married my ex when we were dead broke. Courthouse wedding, we brought cheap rings at the mall about $100 for the whole thing, (license, rings, ceremony). He left me not the other way around but continue to act like you know my life.

@Phoenix Reborn You were right lol

 

[CinnaSlim]

What do you mean by "potential"?

An attractive woman does not need to date a man that doesn't have his s**t together from a mental and financial perspective.

Now if you're talking about appearance/style/swag, then yeah I can see the benefit in getting a guy that isn't fully polished and cleaning him up a little.

I just hear all the time on the coli about how women pass up good dudes for shallow reasons. And I know when you get in a relationship, there is "some assembly required" you have to learn the likes and dislikes of the other person and adjust to them.

To be more specific, I live near Quantico. I am cool with a bunch of Marines. So it's not a money thing. It's more like I feel like if I'm seeing someone I want a certain level of respect. I dont want to be treated the same as any other chicks. If I'm your girl, I wanna feel special. I'd like for the man I want to be with to introduce me to his friends, claim me publically, check chicks that overstep boundaries, etc. I'm not a jealous chick but I generally date men who are very attractive and friendly so I know chicks will flirt. I dont want to be fighting bytches over men.

Or even something as simple as being on time, remembering that we made plans, including me in things.

TLDR: I'm very passive/submissive. I just don't want to be taken for granted.

 

[CinnaSlim]

Not hating just want the best for my black queens

Then why would you make the assumption that I just leave men for superficial reasons or that I wouldnt stand by a dude when he is going through a rough time. And then you brought up my divorce.

If you wanted to help you wouldve just answered the question and given advice.

 

[3rdWorld]

What do you mean wait till they get their act together..that's the root of all the problems.
So clearly you're desperate, nothing untoward about that we all are.
It's his job to lead the relationship in the right direction, not yours. Tell him what you want and if he can't steer bounce.

 

[marcuz]

tldr: some cock diesel marine has cinna smitten, and now shes caught in his web of deceit

 

[全能の神]

I married my ex when we were dead broke. Courthouse wedding, we brought cheap rings at the mall about $100 for the whole thing, (license, rings, ceremony). He left me not the other way around but continue to act like you know my life.

Wait, you were really married before?
I never knew that