My youngest son Caleb is graduating 2day

[sanityovar8ted]

Good job instilling those values in him. Your son has WINNER dna.

Imma survivor and he is a warrior

Thank u kindly

 

[murksiderock]

No itz ok...i am his biological mother he is just ashamed of me I feel. I suffer from mental illness and ended up homeless for awhile and I also had a drug addiction. He didn't have a bad life shyt was just crazy af and dysfunctional. They knew i loved them. The last time I saw him was in 2017 when were evicted i gave him my car cuz he was moving into the dorms in a few months and I went to the shelter. We don't talk much but we do talk some. I kinda understand y he said it cuz after I went to rehab and subsequently got my own apartment I moved out of DALLAS and his life was in DALLAS and he had no transportation so it wasn't feasible for him to leave DALLAS to come live with me..

How many kids do you have? What's your relationship like with the others? Were you separated from all of them in their adolescence?

So my mom is currently 53 years old, and her relationships with her kids currently stands like this:

•(1988, son): no relationship, says he doesn't want one. Spoke to her in '10 when I got in touch with her and cursed me out, said he never wants to hear from her again. In recent years he's told me he's at least thought of talking to her, but can't bring himself to forgive her...

•(1989, me): best our relationship has ever been, for about 3½ years now. Wonderful relationship...

•(1990, son): he's in prison right now but before he went up in 2016, they terminated their relationship. Was volatile and unhealthy all the way around...

•(1993, son): very toxic and on-again/off-again relationship, but he's the only one of us 7 who spent the most time with her growing up. She once told me, years ago, that he was her favorite, and it hurt, I cried some real tears behind that given the context of our history and what she said in conjunction with that...but their relationship is not healthy, right now they are "on again", but just became that way about a month ago after several months of "off again"...

•(1994, son): next best relationship after mine and her, maybe close to equal. Nowhere near as toxic or absent as our other siblings...

•(1998, born son but now transgendered woman): no relationship, Mom disrespected her sexuality and transition and when you add that in with the fact that Mom was not around anyway, my trans sister is not embracing that relationship right now...

•(2009, daughter): has been living in Tucson with her father since '13 I believe. Mom is on child support and only speaks to her at the father's discretion...

........

My mom was absent for all of us, particularly us oldest three, but also the middle three to a slightly lesser extent, and our youngest sister has been in her dad's custody most of her young life...

Slightly different issues, but relatable. My mom wasn't around so o always heard she may have had drug issues, but she didn't. She has some mental issues for sure, I've found as I got to know more about her as an adult...

Mom just wasn't ready to be a mother and had toxic relationships throughout her entire life that played into her decisions as an adult. She was one of the better known women of her era from Oak Park Gangster Bloods in Sacramento, got put on in '84 and was highly regarded in that community on both sides. She also turned out to be an escort later, has struggled with alcoholism for years (still does though I guess nowadays she'd be called a "functioning" alcoholic), and had a lot of issues with most people in her life...

What I will say, you probably already know, but it gets better. I'm not sure my mom is at peace, but she's the most stable and mature today than she's ever been in her adult life. When I look at the timeline if hers and mine relationship, the spectrum has gone from as ugly as possible (in 2011 she told me she shoulda smothered me at birth) to a level of joyfulness I always hoped for but never knew would come...

Your son is young, and it's going to take time to truly forgive you, if ever (not saying he won't, but again I have siblings who have sworn off my mom). How old are you? One of the things I've told my mom and other old heads that they need to hold themselves accountable for, is bringing children into their dysfunctional lives...

We romanticize these older eras, the 90s, 80s, 70s, etc, but those eras were the ones that started glorifying this addict and dealer and banging and sexed up culture. Too many black people brought kids who didn't ask to be here into their own dysfunction, and when you reach the point where you keep having kids, again my mom had 7, she and people like her have to be accountable for that...

 

[Apollo Creed]

How many kids do you have? What's your relationship like with the others? Were you separated from all of them in their adolescence?

So my mom is currently 53 years old, and her relationships with her kids currently stands like this:

•(1988, son): no relationship, says he doesn't want one. Spoke to her in '10 when I got in touch with her and cursed me out, said he never wants to hear from her again. In recent years he's told me he's at least thought of talking to her, but can't bring himself to forgive her...

•(1989, me): best our relationship has ever been, for about 3½ years now. Wonderful relationship...

•(1990, son): he's in prison right now but before he went up in 2016, they terminated their relationship. Was volatile and unhealthy all the way around...

•(1993, son): very toxic and on-again/off-again relationship, but he's the only one of us 7 who spent the most time with her growing up. She once told me, years ago, that he was her favorite, and it hurt, I cried some real tears behind that given the context of our history and what she said in conjunction with that...but their relationship is not healthy, right now they are "on again", but just became that way about a month ago after several months of "off again"...

•(1994, son): next best relationship after mine and her, maybe close to equal. Nowhere near as toxic or absent as our other siblings...

•(1998, born son but now transgendered woman): no relationship, Mom disrespected her sexuality and transition and when you add that in with the fact that Mom was not around anyway, my trans sister is not embracing that relationship right now...

•(2009, daughter): has been living in Tucson with her father since '13 I believe. Mom is on child support and only speaks to her at the father's discretion...

........

My mom was absent for all of us, particularly us oldest three, but also the middle three to a slightly lesser extent, and our youngest sister has been in her dad's custody most of her young life...

Slightly different issues, but relatable. My mom wasn't around so o always heard she may have had drug issues, but she didn't. She has some mental issues for sure, I've found as I got to know more about her as an adult...

Mom just wasn't ready to be a mother and had toxic relationships throughout her entire life that played into her decisions as an adult. She was one of the better known women of her era from Oak Park Gangster Bloods in Sacramento, got put on in '84 and was highly regarded in that community on both sides. She also turned out to be an escort later, has struggled with alcoholism for years (still does though I guess nowadays she'd be called a "functioning" alcoholic), and had a lot of issues with most people in her life...

What I will say, you probably already know, but it gets better. I'm not sure my mom is at peace, but she's the most stable and mature today than she's ever been in her adult life. When I look at the timeline if hers and mine relationship, the spectrum has gone from as ugly as possible (in 2011 she told me she shoulda smothered me at birth) to a level of joyfulness I always hoped for but never knew would come...

Your son is young, and it's going to take time to truly forgive you, if ever (not saying he won't, but again I have siblings who have sworn off my mom). How old are you? One of the things I've told my mom and other old heads that they need to hold themselves accountable for, is bringing children into their dysfunctional lives...

We romanticize these older eras, the 90s, 80s, 70s, etc, but those eras were the ones that started glorifying this addict and dealer and banging and sexed up culture. Too many black people brought kids who didn't ask to be here into their own dysfunction, and when you reach the point where you keep having kids, again my mom had 7, she and people like her have to be accountable for that...

Not sure if I missed it but you and all your siblings were raised separately?

 

[murksiderock]

Yall gon fukk right around and make me be nice to my daddy.

Forgiveness and love are the most powerful drugs. Dont know your situation and I'm sure you had plenty cause to hold your dad accountable for, but if that relationship can be salvaged, please try to salvage it!

You're 37-38, right? Which means your dad is much older likely, dont take your last days for granted. I know the disappointment and shyt, I can relate, also know how great I felt when I was able to forgive. I spread that message to everyone, sister!

 

[Roid Jones]

Congrats

 

[sanityovar8ted]

How many kids do you have? What's your relationship like with the others? Were you separated from all of them in their adolescence?

So my mom is currently 53 years old, and her relationships with her kids currently stands like this:

•(1988, son): no relationship, says he doesn't want one. Spoke to her in '10 when I got in touch with her and cursed me out, said he never wants to hear from her again. In recent years he's told me he's at least thought of talking to her, but can't bring himself to forgive her...

•(1989, me): best our relationship has ever been, for about 3½ years now. Wonderful relationship...

•(1990, son): he's in prison right now but before he went up in 2016, they terminated their relationship. Was volatile and unhealthy all the way around...

•(1993, son): very toxic and on-again/off-again relationship, but he's the only one of us 7 who spent the most time with her growing up. She once told me, years ago, that he was her favorite, and it hurt, I cried some real tears behind that given the context of our history and what she said in conjunction with that...but their relationship is not healthy, right now they are "on again", but just became that way about a month ago after several months of "off again"...

•(1994, son): next best relationship after mine and her, maybe close to equal. Nowhere near as toxic or absent as our other siblings...

•(1998, born son but now transgendered woman): no relationship, Mom disrespected her sexuality and transition and when you add that in with the fact that Mom was not around anyway, my trans sister is not embracing that relationship right now...

•(2009, daughter): has been living in Tucson with her father since '13 I believe. Mom is on child support and only speaks to her at the father's discretion...

........

My mom was absent for all of us, particularly us oldest three, but also the middle three to a slightly lesser extent, and our youngest sister has been in her dad's custody most of her young life...

Slightly different issues, but relatable. My mom wasn't around so o always heard she may have had drug issues, but she didn't. She has some mental issues for sure, I've found as I got to know more about her as an adult...

Mom just wasn't ready to be a mother and had toxic relationships throughout her entire life that played into her decisions as an adult. She was one of the better known women of her era from Oak Park Gangster Bloods in Sacramento, got put on in '84 and was highly regarded in that community on both sides. She also turned out to be an escort later, has struggled with alcoholism for years (still does though I guess nowadays she'd be called a "functioning" alcoholic), and had a lot of issues with most people in her life...

What I will say, you probably already know, but it gets better. I'm not sure my mom is at peace, but she's the most stable and mature today than she's ever been in her adult life. When I look at the timeline if hers and mine relationship, the spectrum has gone from as ugly as possible (in 2011 she told me she shoulda smothered me at birth) to a level of joyfulness I always hoped for but never knew would come...

Your son is young, and it's going to take time to truly forgive you, if ever (not saying he won't, but again I have siblings who have sworn off my mom). How old are you? One of the things I've told my mom and other old heads that they need to hold themselves accountable for, is bringing children into their dysfunctional lives...

We romanticize these older eras, the 90s, 80s, 70s, etc, but those eras were the ones that started glorifying this addict and dealer and banging and sexed up culture. Too many black people brought kids who didn't ask to be here into their own dysfunction, and when you reach the point where you keep having kids, again my mom had 7, she and people like her have to be accountable for that...

Ill PM u

 

[sanityovar8ted]

Congrats

Thank u kindly

 

[MajesticLion]

Peace and blessings.

 

[Clayton Endicott]

That's fantastic! Congrats to you both

 

[murksiderock]

Not sure if I missed it but you and all your siblings were raised separately?

Pretty much...

Early on it was us oldest three all together in Sac, but not with mom. We lived with grandma or family friends, then we were separated. My younger brother (1990), remember at that time we only knew there was three of us, his dad claimed him and he was raised in Arkansas. My older brother and I ended up in Los Angekes, where we were told my mom was at the time, living with family, then bounced eventually to Virginia where our dad (not my bio but his, but surely the father figure I had) and stepmom reared us...

My three middle brothers all grew up consistently in Sacramento, i guess early on their dad and mom were together, then they split, and they bounced around from between their dad and his parents. My 1993-born brother, has a different bio dad than the younger two, and mom weaponized that against their dad, taking him from home with his brothers and family to go live in some shytstorm of a place with her, only for her to drop him back off 2 weeks later when she was done being a mom...

My sister (2009), her dad and our mom were together and my mom and 1993 moved to Arizona with him, where he's from, early in this decade. '93 was going to high school out there, but then mom and '09's dad split, and mom and '93 went back to Sacramento. I dont think mom has seen '09 since '13 or so, though I know she very periodically speaks to her...

She had seven kids and gave us all the dysfunction she helped cultivate----->to be clear, my mom had some bad things happen to her in her life. She herself grew up mostly without a father, with a mother (my grandma) who she saw kill someone, allegedly, when she was a little girl. And my mom bounced around, originally from Arkansas, was shipped back and forth between her fighting parents---->her dad lived in Michigan and 5th Ward Houston at separate times, and her mom sent her to stay with him and he sent her back to Arkansas whenever he got tired, I guess. When she was 15 my grandma moved them all to Sacramento, and keep in mind, my mom had a different dad than my grandma three other children, so when she was bounced around from Arkansas to Michigan to Houston and back around again, she was being displaced from her siblings...

So there's a pattern of alot of things with her, and I'm sympathetic to my mother for the things she endured, but she also became an adult at one point and made some HORRIBLE decisions that impacted all of her children. She's accountable for that and all parents in similar situations have to own that shyt, because as a kid, we can't comprehend the other shyt. We just want our mother...

 

[BXKingPin82]

Caleb

 

[Apollo Creed]

Pretty much...

Early on it was us oldest three all together in Sac, but not with mom. We lived with grandma or family friends, then we were separated. My younger brother (1990), remember at that time we only knew there was three of us, his dad claimed him and he was raised in Arkansas. My older brother and I ended up in Los Angekes, where we were told my mom was at the time, living with family, then bounced eventually to Virginia where our dad (not my bio but his, but surely the father figure I had) and stepmom reared us...

My three middle brothers all grew up consistently in Sacramento, i guess early on their dad and mom were together, then they split, and they bounced around from between their dad and his parents. My 1993-born brother, has a different bio dad than the younger two, and mom weaponized that against their dad, taking him from home with his brothers and family to go live in some shytstorm of a place with her, only for her to drop him back off 2 weeks later when she was done being a mom...

My sister (2009), her dad and our mom were together and my mom and 1993 moved to Arizona with him, where he's from, early in this decade. '93 was going to high school out there, but then mom and '09's dad split, and mom and '93 went back to Sacramento. I dont think mom has seen '09 since '13 or so, though I know she very periodically speaks to her...

She had seven kids and gave us all the dysfunction she helped cultivate----->to be clear, my mom had some bad things happen to her in her life. She herself grew up mostly without a father, with a mother (my grandma) who she saw kill someone, allegedly, when she was a little girl. And my mom bounced around, originally from Arkansas, was shipped back and forth between her fighting parents---->her dad lived in Michigan and 5th Ward Houston at separate times, and her mom sent her to stay with him and he sent her back to Arkansas whenever he got tired, I guess. When she was 15 my grandma moved them all to Sacramento, and keep in mind, my mom had a different dad than my grandma three other children, so when she was bounced around from Arkansas to Michigan to Houston and back around again, she was being displaced from her siblings...

So there's a pattern of alot of things with her, and I'm sympathetic to my mother for the things she endured, but she also became an adult at one point and made some HORRIBLE decisions that impacted all of her children. She's accountable for that and all parents in similar situations have to own that shyt, because as a kid, we can't comprehend the other shyt. We just want our mother...

Glad you overcame the adversities breh. And this is why the saying it takes a village to raise a child. I've seen people with mothers like this and at times it makes me sick to my stomach that a mother can carry a child yet bring nothing but hell to that childs life, especially when I think of my mother who sacrificed alot for me. And please don't take this as me attacking your mom as I'm not trying to do that what so ever, and forgive me if it comes across as that. But back to my point, it really gets to me when children go through suffering like this when children don't ask to be born, it's one reason why I never made fun of other kids growing up because I know the struggles I experienced, and you never know what someone else is going through.

All I can say is you a good dude man, because if I went through that, I wouldn't say I would hate my mother per say, but I'm the type to cut all communication with anyone I deem toxic just out of wanting to protect those I care about.

Props to you and once again please dont take this as me attacking your mom.

 

[sanityovar8ted]

Peace and blessings.

Thank u kindly

 

[sanityovar8ted]

That's fantastic! Congrats to you both

Thank u kindly

 

[sanityovar8ted]

Caleb

Yesssssssss