New York Times: Men, where have you gone? Please come back

SnugglesDaBear

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Right in time for the recession.



ChatGPT summary -

Here are the key points from Rachel Drucker’s Modern Love essay “Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back” (published June 20, 2025) based on the Reddit thread summary :

🌙 1. A cultural shift in male presence
  • Many men have withdrawn from vulnerability and intimacy, not through aggression but through indifference. They are no longer fully “present” on dates or in connections.
2. From real connection to “directionless orbiting”
  • The author laments the rise of “situationships”: casual emoji check-ins and flirtation without real commitment or movement forward—an abdication of emotional ownership.
3. Emotional retreat and convenience culture
  • Men increasingly prefer curated, frictionless digital experiences—scrolling, filters, passive engagement—over the messy process of genuine human connection.
4. The erosion of intimacy rituals
  • Shared rituals—like lingering over breakfast after a one-night stand—have largely disappeared, replaced by walled-off experiences and missed moments of closeness.
5. A call for rediscovering presence
  • The author invites men to return with authenticity and willingness, not perfection—highlighting the need for breath, eye contact, emotional presence, and simply being with each other.
💬 Standout Quotes from the Essay

“The way many men had quietly withdrawn from intimacy and vulnerability. Not with violence or resistance, but with indifference.”

“What I won’t entertain is directionless orbiting … We call it a situationship. But mostly, it’s avoidance.”

In essence, Drucker explores how male emotional absence, driven by digital convenience and cultural burnout, is reshaping romantic rituals. She believes women continue to show up—waiting for men to show up with intention. And her plea is simple: “Come back—not with fireworks, but with your whole, beautiful, imperfect heart.”
 

ba'al

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I think a lot of men checked out for various reasons.
Some off the top of the noggin are

Older men who got divorced not wanting to remarry ever again because of the amount of time, resources, and energy lost investing into one person.

Younger guys who may not be financially ready to go out and date. A lot of Gen-z males and younger millennial males are struggling financially due to a couple factors like the pandemic, ai taking entry level roles, lack of work experience, tough competition, etc.

Some men being disinterested in relationships because they feel it's not worth their time or effort. And feel society doesn't really care about men. Just suppose to be a work horse for your boss and a atm for your kids and wife.
 

Vandelay

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I don't rail on feminism, because I genuinely think women's rights and societal equilibrium is important, but feminism overstepped and is due for a correction.

Dudes not going for the bullshyt of being perceived as dumb, unnecessary, belligerent, and predatory. Most dudes ain't going for that anymore. It's not a winning strategy if you want to be in a committed heterosexual relationship with a man. I been around enough dudes that I know that most aren't tryna fukk everything and be overly misogynistic.

Not saying some men aren't on some bullshyt, but the vast majority in my experience want to be a one woman, committed family men; myself included. Some men do need to step it up, but a large segment of women are being unrealistic in their expectations and their annoyances or "icks".
 

staticshock

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