Perfectson
Banned
So, the other night i;m cruising home in the foreign. I had just downloaded that Torey Lanez mixtape - the new toronto - i was bumping "lord knows". Windows down, moon roof opened up with the stars dancing on my dashboard, feeling good and just slow cruising. On the way home, i spotted this petite light skinned curly haired something walking down the street. So I bust a U. Now strategically, since the street is really busy I can't just pull up on her, so I decided to pass by her first (making sure she sees me in the foreign) and then park on the side streets. So I implement the bootleg to perfection, she sees me and i gave her a glance, then I pulled ahead and turn down the street.
So I Hop out the car and start walking towards her. So we meet, and I just hit her with the "you're beauitful, i saw you while i was driving and had to stop and talk to you". So she kinda gives me the "yeah whatever" look.
So, I said simply "listen how far are you walking...if you don't mind I can walk you part way and lets just talk". She was good with that...so we began walking.
Chopping it up for a few , making some jokes, just being that fly Afri-CAN that I am. I get the number. Now, I go for the kill. She had a suitcase and a bag with her, and shes saying she going to crash at her friends house because of some drama with a roommate. So I say "you looked stressed, lets just go out for drinks". Now she's seriously thinking about, saying "I can use a drink"...but she has her stuff and we just met, so she's like "I need to put my stuff up and i will call you". So I'm like cool. SO I go out anyway, half expecting her to call - she never does, which is fine I was out doing my thing anyway.
So the next day, she hits me up. "sorry i didn't call back, drama, this that and the other" so i'm like cool we can meet today. She's like okay , maybe later. Fast forward all the small talk. i tell her to come through to my spot later in the night. She comes to check it out. Now here's where it's gets sketchy. So she's staying in the builiding next to mine now, in someones Air BNB. I don't wanna put her shyt on front street but there's some gems
Basically she's divorced, she claims her ex was HBCU and IVY league guy. super pro black but ended up marrying an Indian chic, even though he "hates" white peope and non-blacks. Apparantly, he ministers and mentored by Jerimiah Wright
Since she got divorce she hasn't been able to hold down a job because her ex has all these connections and even seems to get Obama involved. "I said Obama who" she said "Barack Obama"
I'm trying to keep a straight face and level head. So apparantly everyone has turned their back on her.
She says she was staying with this gay dude but her lease was up and she need 2 weeks before her new place was ready, so he told her she can stay with him for 2 weeks free. Then 4 days into it, he gave her 4 hours to move out stating his brother was coming over and she needed to leave.
She found out later that the brother wasn't there.
So I guess that made her homeless, and so she didn't wanna spend any money because she needed it for deposit she's been crashing at various friends places but they all been charging her. And she has an interview in Cali and she might wanna move out there
So basically a huge sob story with pieces that don't fit. So, i say that's awful and start rubbing her neck. aT this point it was netflix and chill. So i do the 1-2 thing, she crashes the night. She talks to me about she's been celibate for years and because guys get what they want and never give her anything in return.
In the morning, she hits me with the "can i stay with you tonight". I'm like
I have to be here there and la la la.
She likes I really need this help. I'm like let me think about it, so she leaves. Now here's what it gets interesting. She texts me and I'm like listen I can't do it. She then says, let me come , give me your key while you're gone and you won't even know i"m there.
I'm like i don't know you like that
she says: you knew me enough to have sex last night
me:
"listen i understand your predicament but i just can't give you my key
her: well can you give me a loan
me: lol
her: i should have remained celibate, i'm upset i ruined my celibacy
Me: what? do you hate me now?
her: ....
lol - i mean i can't even fully articulate the shyt she was saying throughout the day. she came up in my crib saying, "i like marble floor and tavertine counter tops" and I'm thinking, "you don't even have a place right now, how are you complaining??"
~perfectson
So I Hop out the car and start walking towards her. So we meet, and I just hit her with the "you're beauitful, i saw you while i was driving and had to stop and talk to you". So she kinda gives me the "yeah whatever" look.
So, I said simply "listen how far are you walking...if you don't mind I can walk you part way and lets just talk". She was good with that...so we began walking. Chopping it up for a few , making some jokes, just being that fly Afri-CAN that I am. I get the number. Now, I go for the kill. She had a suitcase and a bag with her, and shes saying she going to crash at her friends house because of some drama with a roommate. So I say "you looked stressed, lets just go out for drinks". Now she's seriously thinking about, saying "I can use a drink"...but she has her stuff and we just met, so she's like "I need to put my stuff up and i will call you". So I'm like cool. SO I go out anyway, half expecting her to call - she never does, which is fine I was out doing my thing anyway.
So the next day, she hits me up. "sorry i didn't call back, drama, this that and the other" so i'm like cool we can meet today. She's like okay , maybe later. Fast forward all the small talk. i tell her to come through to my spot later in the night. She comes to check it out. Now here's where it's gets sketchy. So she's staying in the builiding next to mine now, in someones Air BNB. I don't wanna put her shyt on front street but there's some gems
Basically she's divorced, she claims her ex was HBCU and IVY league guy. super pro black but ended up marrying an Indian chic, even though he "hates" white peope and non-blacks. Apparantly, he ministers and mentored by Jerimiah Wright
Since she got divorce she hasn't been able to hold down a job because her ex has all these connections and even seems to get Obama involved. "I said Obama who" she said "Barack Obama"
I'm trying to keep a straight face and level head. So apparantly everyone has turned their back on her.
She says she was staying with this gay dude but her lease was up and she need 2 weeks before her new place was ready, so he told her she can stay with him for 2 weeks free. Then 4 days into it, he gave her 4 hours to move out stating his brother was coming over and she needed to leave.
She found out later that the brother wasn't there.So I guess that made her homeless, and so she didn't wanna spend any money because she needed it for deposit she's been crashing at various friends places but they all been charging her. And she has an interview in Cali and she might wanna move out there
So basically a huge sob story with pieces that don't fit. So, i say that's awful and start rubbing her neck. aT this point it was netflix and chill. So i do the 1-2 thing, she crashes the night. She talks to me about she's been celibate for years and because guys get what they want and never give her anything in return.
In the morning, she hits me with the "can i stay with you tonight". I'm like
I have to be here there and la la la.She likes I really need this help. I'm like let me think about it, so she leaves. Now here's what it gets interesting. She texts me and I'm like listen I can't do it. She then says, let me come , give me your key while you're gone and you won't even know i"m there.
I'm like i don't know you like that
she says: you knew me enough to have sex last night
me:
"listen i understand your predicament but i just can't give you my keyher: well can you give me a loan
me: lol
her: i should have remained celibate, i'm upset i ruined my celibacy
Me: what? do you hate me now?
her: ....
lol - i mean i can't even fully articulate the shyt she was saying throughout the day. she came up in my crib saying, "i like marble floor and tavertine counter tops" and I'm thinking, "you don't even have a place right now, how are you complaining??"
~perfectson
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OP is one of the best writers in American literature
