If you were ever fortunate enough to be on the brink of death and come back, holdfast to the things that you were most concerned about when you thought it was over. I have. And the thoughts I had when that happened so early in my life shaped how I viewed the world and made so much shyt that people will spend their entire life living by/worrying about/aspiring to...a waste of time. Im not a pessimist or cynical as people call me, I'm just a realist and have come to a conclusion about what will matter to me about my life when it is over. This is what matters (in no order):
1) Family...and how impactful your life was to them and how difficult your death will be with you gone.
2) Effort..... in achieving your potential. Not even what you were able to accomplish, but if you're at peace that you tried your hardest to do so.
3) Happiness....That you didnt miss opportunities to be happier. That dark days were kept as short as possible b/c you always tried to be happy regardless.
4) God....Not about heaven or hell, but if you did your best to be a good person, regardless if you actually were or not...but if you really tried to be.
Honestly, having that experience so young has made me feel like an old soul in a young man's body. I had accomplished so much and also lost everything. People are proud of my ability to come back to where I am (nowhere near where I once was) but its because I focus on the things that matter to me. If it isnt something that furthers one of the 4 aspects above, both the good things and the bad, it holds little value to me and will be regarded as such.
I'll die happy b/c my family matters most to me and I to them. I'll die happy because no matter how accomplished or unaccomplished I will be by that time, I know I was capable of great things and left no rock unturned in finding my way back. I would always be on the right road to get there. I'll die happy because I took the chance as often as I could to be happy. I did not expect happiness and therefore never overlooked it when it presented itself. I'll die happy because regardless of my sins, my God made me this way and if it was difficult, it was for a reason. I try my best to be the best person that I can be, I'm just not as good at it as others but its not for lack of effort. Not for my God, or to be saved. Not for appearance or obligation, but because I think its the right way to live your life. I am content with the fact that if God finds me unworthy of his grace for that, then there is nothing to be done anyway. "God, you know I tried my hardest, right? Most people can't honestly say that." "Yes, I know.". "Well I guess if this wasn't enough then it was never going to be good enough for you to begin with then so I am not sad. I loved my family, I was happy, I lived life and I did my best. Lets get this over with."
This is real nikka shyt brehs.
) the post nut clarity will never steer u wrong
they are a waste of time
if I knew how hard and expensive and stressful kids were I would've probably got snipped. I love them so much tho. It makes u a different person.
That shyt hits deep, breh. It's how I try to live every day.
