Relationship Skills vol 1: Self-Love and Unresolved Traumas

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So I’ll be making a series of threads to address some underlying issues people have that keep them from having success in relationships.
This first thread will be on unresolved trauma that keeps people from forming solid relationships. Then we’ll move on to mate selection, bitterness, social skills, anxiety, hyper realism, communication skills and so on.

(Yeah I REALLY don’t feel like doing this lit. review right now at work…)

So let’s talk about our FEEEEELLLLLIIINNNNGGGS. Until it’s quitting time!

 

[humminbird]

IN
I'm not going to lie I have a lot of things that need to be unearthed and I hope to deal with them
When I meditate I get extreme nightmares the night after I'm reading it's because it's my mind unearthing all these thoughts and anxieties I have and it's only happening when i meditate

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

So I’m sure you’ve heard and been frustrated by conventional advice that you gotta love yourself before someone else can love you.

Though simplistic in nature, it’s definitely true. Before you can present yourself to someone else you absolutely HAVE TO attend to your unmet needs and unresolved traumas first. The next couple of posts will outline a few I’ve noticed in men and women.

 

[BigMan]

Not sure this topic can be adequately discussed here but subscribed

 

[Mastamimd]

Sure.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

IN
I'm not going to lie I have a lot of things that need to be unearthed and I hope to deal with them
When I meditate I get extreme nightmares the night after I'm reading it's because it's my mind unearthing all these thoughts and anxieties I have and it's only happening when i meditate

I don’t think a lot of people do self-introspection enough in a REAL way, especially prior to starting a relationship. But it’s so important b/c you are going to be meshing energies with other people and it’ll only strain the relationship the farther you go without addressing them.

 

[Doin2Much Williams]

Dope thread.


Some of us are bitter and jaded from wearing our hearts on our proverbial cuffs, got major hurted and feel as though we aren't able to love a thug again.


Let's kumbaya and heal in unision.



Sometimes I wish I had arms big enough... cuz lawd knows, heaven i need a hug.



.

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

Clearly biting off my Relationship 101 threads...

But since Books is my coli baby, I'll allow it










With that being said, I warn every man to be extremely careful with trusting women to give you advice on relationships and bagging chics.

As someone once told me, would a fox trust a chicken to tell him how to hunt chickens?

Even if the chicken had every good intention imaginable, they couldn't tell you how to hunt chickens. They know nothing about the hunt and about hunting chickens, so how could they teach you how to hunt?

 

[Wink Beaufield]

*Pulls up a chair*

A good amount of people are still fukked up from high school.

 

[Afro]

I dunno OP, you hate Kevin Samuels even though I guarantee you will mention things he mentions

I don't see "Accountability" anywhere either

With that being said, I warn every man to be extremely careful with trusting women to give you advice on relationships and bagging chics.

As someone once told me, would a fox trust a chicken to tell him how to hunt chickens?

Even if the chicken had every good intention imaginable, they couldn't tell you how to hunt chickens. They know nothing about the hunt and about hunting chickens, so how could they teach you how to hunt?

I've never had a woman give good direct advice. Most of em will tell you to never trust a woman

 

[Lilbeast]

I’m fukking with this. Put us on game ma’am

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Alright! Without further ado, let’s get started.

1.) Abandonment issues

Many of us grew up households where one of the parents was not around. Growing up I always took that for granted, b/c in my family you don’t make OOW babies.

So when I first encountered some behaviors I’ve noticed in some relationships I’ve seen, I realized abandonment issues are a big prevalent issue in our community.

You see we often take what we didn’t have in our childhood with us into adulthood and how we react to certain situations is determined by shyt we are trying to avoid, protect ourselves from, obtain through romantic relationships.
Let’s see a few examples in the posts below.

 

[MischievousMonkey]

I didn't forget about that pending education thread... But I'll allow it

 

[Vodun]

This is right on time. I've truly decided to forgive everybody who has hurt me badly. It hasnt been easy but I do feel lighter and calmer

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Examples of Abandonment Issues:

Fear of commitment-Seems obvious right? The mentality is “I don’t want to go through the pain of possibly being left alone so I just won’t even bother.”

Feelings of inadequacy- “I’m ugly. Not worthy. Ect”

Shunning emotional intimacy-“Fukk all that feelings shyt. We don’t do emotions around here.”

Internalizing rejection-“They reject me because there’s something wrong with me.” Forgetting that everybody gets rejected sometimes.

Belief that love is for everyone else but you- pretty obvious.

Willingness to put up with disrespect- This is a huge sign. If you are willing to be disrespected sometimes it’s based on fear of abandonment.

Unreasonable fear of losing a mate-See above.

Inability to say no or set firm boundaries without resorting to aggression or avoidance-See above.

Overcompensating in unrelated ways to earn affection-Affection and love isn’t something you have to earn. It should be a mutual endeavor. So you shouldn’t be inconveniencing yourself to earn someone’s affection and love.
Likewise, nobody should have to endure an emotional gauntlet to get near you emotionally either.

Any other signs or examples of how you’ve seen abandonment issues play out?