Relationship Skills vol 1: Self-Love and Unresolved Traumas

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How does one work on loving your flaws

Learning the wonderful art of saying “fukk you.”
Own your flaws. Doing so displays a type of confidence that is like a magnet in a land full of insecure a$$holes covering up their issues with internet edginess and bravado.

People love tearing others down. I’ve learned you ain’t even gotta do nothing to people.
They’ll hate you just because you happy. Tear your down for having the courage to try new shyt.

So fukk em. Everybody has problems they need to work through and the main ones pressing you about yours got the MOST issues.

 

[Jean Jacket]

Furthermore. Black men should always try therapy at least once. There are a lot of us that have un-diagnosed PTSD.

Believe it or not, living through racism and racial violence in America is a legitimate cause of it.

I would venture that 50% to 80% of Black men in America are affected by this and have unresolved issues that they take out on their partners and children.

Coupled with depression and other personality disorders...we are a ticking time bomb.

Protect yourself and your spouse and children.

Talk to someone just to see where you are...even though you feel 100%.

 

[dizzy4111]

I think many good men have fell victim to this.

Me included. They can't help it, and I'm not blaming them for their disorder.

This disorder, by far, is the dark horse in many dysfunctional relationships as the root of domestic issues.

Coupled with the trope of the "strong minded Black woman that needs a man that can "handle" them adds to the mental health crisis of lack of mental health advocacy in our community.

It's sad Breh. I have seen good men go to jail behind this.

Yep

I caught the first charge of my life in February - nothing too serious, some vehicular shyt - because of her blackout rage. She was out of my life shortly after that. It's wild. People with BPD cause massive damage due to their anger issues, then feel such immense guilt afterwards that they sometimes can't even face you. I was willing to salvage the relationship but she couldn't even look me in the eye anymore.

 

[MajesticLion]

Whole thing is worth listening to. However, I time stamped it for convenience.

Thank you for this.

 

[Astroslik]

I didn't forget about that pending education thread... But I'll allow it

She ducked that thread when people intellectually challenged her to her thought process.

Kinda pathetic IMO.

 

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Connections Between Abandonment Issues, Low Self-Esteem and Savior Complexes

I just wanted to offer a few connections between these issues and how they might play out in your interactions with romantic partners.

If you have low self-esteem, you don’t feel like you are worthy or you feel like you are lacking in many areas.
Being abandoned and having abandonment issues might be the cause of your low self-esteem. In order to bolster your attractiveness, or prove your worth, you may be far too willing to help others to the point that you even ignore your own needs. After all, you don’t see yourself or your needs as important. So you focus all the attention on others.
The Savior complex is very much rooted in low self-esteem in a lot of cases. The person trying to save others is looking for validation or a pat on the back. They want credit for “taming” individuals so they are constantly on the look out for instability in their mates. Holes they imagine they can fill (no pun intended) in that person’s life to feel needed and important. So they might overlook more compatible mates and are always with train wrecks. Normality is off-putting to those in this psychological loop b/c it signals a state of existence where they first struggle to be validated in the first place. They will think normal partners are boring.

Until they realize that they have nothing to prove and don’t need validation and are courting hell dealing with dangerous people so that they can feel needed, they will waste years pining for, getting played by, simping for, being mistreated by the ones they pursue.

So they have to confront this pattern. Identify the origins of it. Understand their self-worth and stop dealing with problematic individuals.

 

[Malik1time]

2 years ago i went thru a heartbreak and it hurt but step by step i made progress...was it hard? yes very and im still working on it i promised myself not to let my past trauma ruin my future relationships etc..thats why i keep my heart open i went to therapy and it helped
my word of advice is dont run from past trauma...tackle it,face it and learn from it cry it off but dont stay there.............when you run from it it will constantly creep on you

 

[Rozay Oro]

@Rawtid is a good person to speak to.

I believe @Rawtid and @Prynce have already given me suggestions on it

 

[Rozay Oro]

Finding a good counselor can mean the difference between life and death. There’s a definite need for Blk clinical psychologists and therapists in our community. Not just people that are gonna throw meds at you. It can be life changing. Continue with it!

I just emailed her.

 

[LevelUp]

Good thread Op.

 

[Womb Raider]