4. The Social Justice Warrior
It can start innocently enough. We enter into a discussion on any topic — political or not political — and make what we consider to be a rather innocuous or self-evident statement. Then, out of the blue, we come under withering attack from someone who accuses us of brute insensitivity, of standing against progress. Perhaps our comment is not designed as the definitive statement but a passing thought; or had a degree of irony; or it had some context, connected to a chain of arguments we can’t elaborate on in such a medium. But the person accusing us of some egregious moral sin has assumed we are making a definitive assertion of our ideas, minus irony or context. They have given it an interpretation that seems to fit their righteous indignation.
Now suddenly we find ourselves under attack from a whole slew of warriors who pile on us, making our virtual life miserable. If we try to defend ourselves with anything less than a full-throated apology we only intensify their outrage at our insensitivity. In fact even an apology will not quell their reaction. These types are particularly slippery and infuriating to deal with because they cloak everything in black and white terms — they are on the side of good and we are on the side of evil. They may be sincere with their beliefs, but they have so over identified with their cause, that they feel entitled to be even more violent, insulting and insensitive than anything we might have expressed. This bit of hypocrisy is lost on them. (Similar to this, we find those who like to call other people who seem too sensitive to criticism “snowflakes,” but at the slightest argument against their ideas they erupt with righteous indignation, unaware of the irony involved). The truth is that they are so hypersensitive to offense that they can discern an insult in almost anything people might say that varies ever so slightly with their rigid dogma. In fact, feeling outraged and offended gives them a kind of secret thrill, a way to vent all their personal resentment and frustration. It can become a kind of outrage addiction.
In the real world these types would offend and alienate almost everyone with their righteousness, scolding tone, and moral superiority. But online, backed by a mob of fellow warriors, they can act with relative impunity. Choosing to defend ourselves is often not the wisest action. Once they have labeled us with some negative term, they will find ways to twist whatever we write to fit their interpretation. One possible response is with humor; since they are generally humorless they will overreact and perhaps look ridiculous but even this can be too dangerous a tactic once the mob is unleashed on you. The best is to quietly withdraw early on, perhaps with a mild apology, and wait for them to forget about you and pounce on their next victim.
5. The Contrarian
At first, this type seems relative amusing. In any discussion they are always the one debunking peoples’ ideas, expressing the opposite of conventional beliefs. Even their sarcasm can seem a bit refreshing. But after a while it becomes apparent that this is all that they have. They simply like to be against everything, and stir up antagonism. They have a nose for smelling any inconsistencies in our argument and inflating them out of proportion. They have no real values or ideas of their own. And they mistake this spirit of snark and contradiction for intelligence.
You will notice with this type that although they can be very sharp with their jokes, they don’t take too kindly to any joke at their expense. That is because deep down they sense they lack substance and they must overcompensate for this with an angry defensive pose.
It is very difficult to argue with such types. They can turn nasty in defense. To diffuse their annoying contrarian nature make a point of actually agreeing with them, while slightly altering their argument, and if they contradict us they are now contradicting their previous opinion. They are trapped in their own net.
6. The Attention Whore
With their posts, it seems we are interacting with a truly remarkable person. In their photos, they are always smiling and apparently having a fantastic time. They take vacations to the most exciting exotic locales. They make a point of always supporting the best and latest causes. They are working on their fourth novel while raising children, and while also starting some hot new business venture. They are always putting up quotes that promote a positive attitude and spiritual values, and doling out advice. They may also post provocative videos and images that make them seem so original and bold.
After the third or fourth round of seeing these posts, images, and reading their stories, it starts to get a bit annoying. On some level they cannot help but stir up our own insecurities — “am I having as good a time? I’ve not written one novel, let alone started a business.” And their “advice” starts to get under our skin — their ideas seem a bit hollow and forced. If this keeps up, our irritation turns to envy and hostility.
The reality is that we are dealing with a deep narcissist (see chapter 2 in
The Laws of Human Nature for more on this). They have an inner emptiness and constant need for validation and recognition that must be continually filled by drawing attention from a mass of followers (even if they have to buy some friends and followers to pad their numbers). In real life, we quickly see through such types as frauds — they have not accomplished what they boast about; they merely dabble in ventures; they are just as banal and unhappy as everyone else, hardly spiritual. Their attempts at getting attention are quite desperate but in the virtual world, it is hard to discern this reality. They know how to manufacture the illusion of excitement, achievement and moral purity.
This type is not as destructive or malicious as the others; in fact, we should feel bad for their inner emptiness that spurs them on. The only dangers are the insecurities and envy they can stir up in us. Once annoyance sets in, It is best to unfriend them, cut them from our news feed, without their knowing, and not subject ourselves to their irritating notions.
7. The Nihilistic Troll
We could be engaged in an online discussion about politics or some sensitive cultural issue, or sharing within our own circle some personal news. Suddenly a voice intervenes with a comment or a photo-shopped image that seems specifically designed to shock and offend us. Feeling disturbed by this intrusion and quite angry, our natural impulse is to respond in kind — scolding, shaming, hurling our own insults.
Who we are facing here is not the garden-variety troll, but perhaps the most pernicious type in the troll family. The Nihilistic Troll resembles the spirit we find in certain adolescent males –feeling deep down quite small and insecure, they compensate for this by seeking to hurt people and destroy everything of value. This is their way to get attention and feel larger. It is the only form of power they can have, and it provides them a perverse thrill to rile people up and even trigger their hatred, which they become good at.
In real life, adults who inflict such emotional damage with comments or actions generally pay a real and painful price. So it takes a fair amount of daring and insolence to act in this way, while knowing the risks this incurs. But to play this game online requires no such nerve. Safely anonymous, even the most timid soul with such adolescent desires can get a thrill out of acting out their bottled-up desires to rebel and tear down. And so for this reason, the online world attracts these resentful and repressed spirits like a magnet.
The Nihilistic Troll might pretend to be acting in the service of some cause or leader, but don’t be fooled. The cause and their supposedly strong convictions are simply a way to justify and provide cover for their abusive behavior. They like to home in on people who might take themselves a bit too seriously or display sensitivity about certain issues — ripe targets for their mayhem. They steel themselves against any pangs of empathy or guilt by feeling vastly superior to their targets. They may claim they are doing this for the “lulz”, and those who are offended are simply humorless and obsessed with correctness. This is quite ironic — behind the virtual mask of any such trolls are layers of deep insecurities, and they would fly into a rage if anyone turned the tables by exposing their wounds. Remember that behind the macho front is a quivering and cowardly spirit that can only thrive in anonymity.
We all know the phrase “Don’t feed the trolls.” But even knowing this, we generally cannot resist scolding them, lecturing, complaining to others, or returning their insults. What we must do instead is to be as radical as they are — to meet their insults with
absolute silence, ignoring their very existence. Do not show them the slightest sign of pique or hurt. (Try to message others to do the same.) This might embolden the trolls to go further with more comments and images. Return their fire with more silence. Soon, they will slink away, muttering to themselves. They thrive on getting a rise and having power over your emotions — that makes them feel significant. Instead, you have shown they are too small to bother with, hitting at
their deepest insecurities.
This piece was inspired by my latest book The Laws of Human Nature, now available everywhere books are sold. The Laws of Human Nature was six years in the making and is the culmination of my life’s study of power, psychology, and history.
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