SIGNS THAT YOU'RE A COMPLETE a$$hole

morris

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15) When's someone's talking to you, you don't give them your full attention
You might not even know that you're doing it, but when you're constantly looking over their shoulder or checking your phone it comes of as rude. If you're fully aware of what you're doing, then I'm sorry to say, but you're a complete a$$hole.




14) You're constantly complaining about your own life

If you're bytching about every little detail about your life and don't see what the problem is with this then it's another sign. You can never quite come to grips with the fact that there are people out there that are way worse off than you. You think that the world is against you and that you have such bad luck, get over yourself.



13) You don't even pretend to care
If you really don't care about something, you don't even bother acting like you do. You either act really unenthusiastic or if you're really a dikk, tell people you don't care. You shouldn't really get into a relationship, because you will never be able to compromise.



12) You've never heard the saying "It's nice to be nice"

If someone says it to you, you will just scoff and laugh and say how that it's so stupid. You can't understand the concept of doing something for someone and getting nothing in return. You would never even consider it...



11) This is your best attempt at a smile
Seriously, That's the best you can muster up..... pathetic



10) When you interrupt someone you don't even apologise
You think that what you have to say is so important that everyone has to know right away. You will butt in to people's conversations and then you wonder why people give you weird looks. You might ask If you're interrupting them, but continue to carry on blabbering even if they say you are.



9) The Internet is like a drug to you, you can't get enough
You think that just because Facebook asks "What's on your mind" that you have to bytch about everyone on social media. You always have an opinion for everything and are always the one to start an argument on someone's post. You love it so much because you can be an a$$hole without having to confront people.



8) You inevitably think you're the smartest person in the room
Even if you're in a room full of professors you somehow think that you're smarter than everyone. You did Business in UCD and you think you're of higher intellect than everyone else. We'll we have some news for you... You're not.



7) Apparently everyone else's opinion is wrong
On top of that, you seem to think that only opinion that is worth anything is your own. Sometimes you might even ask someone for their opinion and then shove it back in their face by saying "Oh really, that's what you think ok". If you're going to do that you might as well not ask in the first place.



6) You're an attention whore
You act like you don't care what people think of you, but really you live and die by it. Always craving attention and admiration, but once someone bad mouths you feel like you have permission to rip them to shreds.



5) When you blow smoke into someone's face, you say "Oh, sorry"
So you're talking with someone and happen to blow smoke in their face. It happens about five times and then you realise that maybe they don't want to smoke. Then you come out with the most insincere apology ever created.



4) You don't feel bad when you break up with someone by text
You really must have a heart of stone to do this,you don't have the decency to actually meet up with them in person. It really takes the lowest of the low to break up with someone by text.



3) Insults are your way of complimenting someone
You value your opinion, so much so that you think that you have to give people advice. The problem is that you don't give constructive criticism, you insult them and think it's ok because you think that they will come to thank you later on. That isn't how the world works so stop thinking you can go around dishing out abuse.



2) You fail to comply by even the simplest of manners
When people come out of the elevator you barge in instead of letting them out first. You never hold doors open for anyone and if you bump into someone you just keep walking without a word. Sooner or later it will catch on you when everyone acts distant toward you.



1) You have a God complex
You truly believe that the world revolves around you and that for some reason or another that you're better than everyone. Self -confidence has never been a problem, only overconfidence . There were times where it caught up on you, but you still didn't get the hint. Your head is so far up your own ass that no wonder your full of shyt.



BY KENNETH FOX

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Splash

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I'm straight :myman:
Not listening when people are talkin tho :childplease: Aint got time for all that gibberish especially at the job :childplease:
 

morris

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HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF
  1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
  2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
  3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
  4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
  5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
  6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
  7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
  8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
  10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
  12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
  13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
  14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
  16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
  17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
  18. Honk and wave to strangers.
  19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
  20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
  21. type only in lowercase.
  22. dont use any punctuation either
  23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
  25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
  27. Ask people what gender they are.
  28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  30. Sing along at the opera.
  31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
 
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