Spin: Are women more afraid of approaching than men are?

[Gold]

This.

shyt. Its hard for some women to even take the slightest criticism/critique. Whether it's in their professional life, social life, hobbies (i.e. cooking, arts, video game playing, etc.)

So if you deny them flat out, in public...



Some will never recover from certain rejections.

A lot is changing in society within the constructs of "role playing" and whatnot.

They need to approach more and acquire thicker skin.

BREH, its story time!


No


I was at a Caribbean/Naija dance club for my girl's bday (Cloud 9 for you Dallas brehs).

I'm clearly with my girl the entire night, but she and her friends go to order some hookah

So 'm chillin by the DJ, we go to the same church

This thick chick comes up and starts dancing on me but i'm like , "i got a girl".

I didn't say anything mean, was as polite as possible.

She says turns around and says "What? Fukk you doing at a club if you got a girl my nikka?" (Girls that say "my nikka" are always loud af)

And cuz i'm by the DJ, she had to yell it so I could hear it. But cuz i'm by the DJ, i'm standing REAL close to the club promoter.

No bullshyt, I think the club promoter's mic must have picked up what she said cuz ppl started looking at us all over the club.

I just said, "sorry , i got a girl"

Her face...
She made no attempt to play it off or be cool. She makes a b line to the restroom, probably ran a 4.2 40




I felt bad even though I knew I did nothing wrong


All she had to do was be like "oh ok" and walk on. I mean damn... got me feeling bad for no reason

 

[Raava]

Well, it's not for everyone. Can't fault you there.

Even when i've been approached, most of the time there was a substantial amount of eye flirting and smiling leading up to it.



Its not like i'm walking down the street and I get grabbed like "nikka i'm tryna holla at you! "

I agree, I'm sure there are dudes with my personality type. After reading somethings on here I wondered if I was a guy with my same personality would I starve out here or put myself out more out of necessity. I have in regards to other aspects of life.

and that type of approach has happened to me. That's a whole other thread tho. Even if I did change I could never do that. I have seen some aggressive women though Social cues are important and could make things easier for both parties...

 

[BezO]

It's worked for me Regardless if you are active approaching men or not you will run across "ain't sh*t" people it's all about what you do after you find out what they are. I think a woman who will stay with an dude that's bad for her will do so whether she approach him or not. Hence me saying nothing good come from chasin men. Just how dudes approach, get with, and have babies with trash women. Approaching doesn't equal dating or relationship. Like I said in another post my relationships even come from cold approaches.

You can be active in the process and not approach men. I am a believer of if something isn't working for you, you might need to switch it up tho.

I'm not talkin' about what's done in relationships. I'm talkin' about what's done to begin one. I'm talkin' about takin' more responsibility.

When you sit back and get selected, it's easy to blame men. You didn't play an active roll, so it must be their fault.

When you take an active roll, it's easier to see how you influence the results. Sure, you are likely to still come across some duds, but now you can assess your roll. Where am I meetin' these duds? Why? What did I miss? How can I make better selections? Etc.
And don't forget opportunity cost. While that man you weren't interested in is wastin' your time, you're not talkin' to that man you were hopin' approached you.

Yes, we come across duds too. The difference is that more times than not, we're just lookin' for some ass. If she's good lookin' and we smash, mission accomplished. She turns out to be a knuckle head, "ehh well, I just wanted some ass any way." When we're ready to settle down, most of us at least, tend to change the criteria and get better results. IRL, not on the Coli, we tend to complain much less about the quality of women (non physical) because we know we made the selections based on looks.

If a man really likes you he will go after you. Men usually go after what they want.

Some do, some don't. We're all different.

I know men that approach EVERY women they're attracted to. Personally, I only approached women i was attracted to that gave me some sort of hint... extended eye contact, smile, etc.

And like I said above, remember the opportunity cost. Why waste time just because a randome dude approached you when you could be talkin' to the man that you were actually interested in?

 

[Gold]

I agree, I'm sure there are dudes with my personality type. After reading somethings on here I wondered if I was a guy with my same personality would I starve out here or put myself out more out of necessity. I have in regards to other aspects of life.

and that type of approach has happened to me. That's a whole other thread tho. Even if I did change I could never do that. I have seen some aggressive women though Social cues are important and could make things easier for both parties...

The bold is very true, those are the only options. I dont even have to look far. Half my brothers are starving cuz they haven't adapted to the game. I get tired of being their personal cheerleader telling them they can get girls. They need to stop listening to me and just go out there and do it. My brehs are the typical Coli poster brehs with more height


You had a breh grab you like that? Nah that's crossing too many lines. He deserved to get maced

 

[Neuromancer]

I think OP is talking about cold approaching vs. making the first move I could be wrong. That's why the first part of my response was being anti social and self conscious. I'm simply not the type of person to do that.

Yes it's cold approaching.

 

[tater]

Honestly everyone needs rejection it's a part of growing up, it makes u less conceited and more humble. Plus u gotta look at it as them rejecting a stranger they dnt know not you as Tater.

I wouldn't say I'm conceited now. I just don't have the confidence to deal with it. That's my problem. I also don't think women should approach men in that manner. I don't see why many of you would since you all tout feminism as the death of relationships and modern western values. I'm more traditional in that sense.

 

[Elle Driver]

I'm anti-social and self consious I'm not scared of rejection lol. I was also taught not to chase men. Never seen anything good come from it either.

Exactly, we're taught you're not supposed to chase after men, it's a bad reflection on you if you have to. But at the same time, this doesn't apply to me now, but back when it did the way I would approach a guy was different. I'd introduce myself and spark up convo, also he had to be a male dime. I wasn't willing to let myself get rejected by any less because my ego couldn't live with it.

 

[Gold]

Exactly, we're taught you're not supposed to chase after men, it's a bad reflection on you if you have to. But at the same time, this doesn't apply to me now, but back when it did the way I would approach a guy was different. I'd introduce myself and spark up convo, also he had to be a male dime. I wasn't willing to let myself get rejected by any less because my ego couldn't live with it.

At least you're honest. Ain't nothing worse than getting rejecting by someone who's "free"
At the height of my arrogance in my college athlete days, i got rejected by a 5 one day that I was just trying to invite over to my dorm.

I was lowkey devastated

I called my sister (went to the same school) and asked if she had any "easy unattractive" friends

 

[Ashley Banks]

I'm just shy

Plus I was always told that guys will think you're a hoe. So I guess it's a good thing I'm too shy to do it.

 

[Kwéyòl]

Women don't deal with rejection well

 

[Max Power]

They're not built to approach.

 

[Raava]

I'm not talkin' about what's done in relationships. I'm talkin' about what's done to begin one. I'm talkin' about takin' more responsibility.

When you sit back and get selected, it's easy to blame men. You didn't play an active roll, so it must be their fault.

When you take an active roll, it's easier to see how you influence the results. Sure, you are likely to still come across some duds, but now you can assess your roll. Where am I meetin' these duds? Why? What did I miss? How can I make better selections? Etc.
And don't forget opportunity cost. While that man you weren't interested in is wastin' your time, you're not talkin' to that man you were hopin' approached you.

Yes, we come across duds too. The difference is that more times than not, we're just lookin' for some ass. If she's good lookin' and we smash, mission accomplished. She turns out to be a knuckle head, "ehh well, I just wanted some ass any way." When we're ready to settle down, most of us at least, tend to change the criteria and get better results. IRL, not on the Coli, we tend to complain much less about the quality of women (non physical) because we know we made the selections based on looks.
Some do, some don't. We're all different.

I know men that approach EVERY women they're attracted to. Personally, I only approached women i was attracted to that gave me some sort of hint... extended eye contact, smile, etc.

And like I said above, remember the opportunity cost. Why waste time just because a randome dude approached you when you could be talkin' to the man that you were actually interested in?

Where is blame in this? Thinking with the mind set of social constructs that's part of the life . Both people have an active role once contact is made. The issue is who approaches. Dudes say on here all the time, women get approached daily. If that's the case they are approached by duds or good ones nothing changes. If she approached dudes daily the same thing would happen. Your time can get wasted either way. The only difference is if you are talking about in a relationship.

You mentioned motive. Most dudes approach with the mind of sex. Most women are different. We have seen dudes on here say over and over how they would have sex with the ugliest woman and then throw her in the bushes after. I can imagine someone woman approaching men who would go along with something for the chance of easy ass when they wouldn't have bothered other wise. Not saying that will be all men but on here and real life men have tended to be more sex driven. Different motives and that is why they "hunt" so to speak. There are things women can do to actively seek companionship it doesn't men approaching men the street.

 

[philmonroe]

I hear you as far as traditional gender roles... but i've seen plenty of good come from a woman approaching a man.

I know you're speaking from personal experience, but you brehettes gotta stop propagating the bold... its just not true.
If my sister-in-law didn't approach my brother, they would have never have gotten married, and I wouldn't be an uncle


To answer the question in the OP, I get approached all the time, far more than I approach.
If I don't get approach, i just get the eye flirt "come talk to me" look.


Its a different time now, more women know what they want and are learning how to get it

With bold people of any gender, race, etc will use any sounds good excuse to co sign their views. My one friend tried it didn't work I'm not going to do it. I bet if that same friend/s dated a millionaire and it didn't work the woman wouldn't say I'm not dating a millionaire my girlfriend/s did and it didn't work or I've never saw that work. People just got excuses and co signers for not doing certain things. Maybe some people just want the last day leftovers after a 90% off sale at a popular store lol

 

[DrX]

Of course

 

[Kokoro]

Call me sexist but, I don't think women's egos can handle rejection like that