I'm at the point in my life where I've lost my faith, and I don't see it recovering.
I've been a Christian for years. Loved "God" with all my heart. Never the type to force my beliefs on other people though. That's lame.
Recently I've began wondering why have I never heard from god? I'm saved, prayed, believed, did things & showed love for other people not to just make god happy, but because it was genuinely in my heart. The normal. Then the more I began to read, the more I began to realize this is bullshyt. How am I suppose to believe that people were physically being transformed into other things? How am I suppose to believe that Moses was talking to a burning bush, and that burning bush was God? How am I suppose to believe that a human being was in a whale's body for THREE DAYS AND SURVIVED? How am I suppose to believe that Jesus walked on water? How am I suppose to believe that Jesus turned water into wine? Why does none of this shyt happen today?
Then on top of that, you hear people preaching, and people talking about how god's plan for their life is different than what they wanted, but they accept it. So for example, if I wanted a career in Human Resources, but god's plan for me is to have a career as a journalist I'm suppose to be ok with that especially considering I don't care much for journalism? THAT IS BULLshyt. A pastor called me on Thursday. He told me he honestly never wanted to be a pastor. He wanted to be a business owner, and business dealings never happened the way he wanted still to this day. He admitted that he doesn't even like speaking when he's chosen to preach for the Bishop when he's out of town. WHAT? He even admitted that a lot of people who claim to hear from god don't hear from god. Which leads me to believe a lot of people who claim to hear from god, are really just hearing themselves talk in their mind.
So then, if god was real, then theoretically he would be a horrible deity. Why would he let people who love him dearly go through so much suffering? Why would he torture people & families by letting wrongfully convicted people go to prison for 10, 20, 30 years? Why let horrible people get the luxuries? Oh, because the horrible people are gonna go to hell, and the suffering are gonna go to heaven? So basically you have to suffer to get into heaven? What kind of bullshyt is that? I'm not saying life should be easy, but the shyt I've seen Christians go through just shouldn't have to happen to them.
Shouldn't the church (HIS HOLY GROUND) be protected by his power & peace? IF THEY ARE WORSHIPPING HIM IN HIS HOLY PLACE, THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING KILLED. So you mean to tell me God is letting people who worship him in HIS PLACE get murked? And we're suppose to just say, well we don't know why God did it. That's a cop out and that's bullshyt.
You know what the worst part is? I really wanted to believe it. Because it would be such a wonderful thing to believe in. Someone that got your back through thick & thin. And can give you all the peace & blessing in the world if you just show discipline and love for him. But I just can't. It won't effect my moral code though. I'll continue to help people when possible, and do what's always been in my heart. Generosity, kindness and love. This isn't the Holy Bible. This is the Holy Ducktales.