Suicidal Thoughts & How To Overcome

[Ronnie Macho]

Ever feel like givin' up...or just sayin' fukk this shyt and ending it?...I told myself that if I keep takin' L's like I've been for the last decade and a half or more...(losin' jobs...place to stay...no girls...no friends)...I'm endin' this shyt...over the years I've gotten real comfortable with the thought of death as I believe death is an illusion...your consciousness never dies...However, I have a daughter that loves me to pieces and she's the only one whoever showed me what "real love" is...10 years ago when she was 2 she stopped me from hanging myself or the contemplation of it...I had tied a few handwraps together and tied them to the ceiling beam in the basement...debating for 10 minutes as I stood on a chair whether to hang myself...while debating I hear my daughter screaming..."I want my daddy...I want my daddy"...I step down off the chair and go up the stairs to where she is crying and I see her sitting on the floor up against the pantry door...crying "I want my daddy...I want my daddy"...I picked her up and held her in my arms...she stopped crying and that was the end of that...

A few years ago or maybe one...I sat in the garage with my .38 debating leavin' this mug...I locked myself in the garage so my mother and daughter couldn't open the door...I'm in the garage with the garage door open...I can see a neighbor far away across the street in their driveway messin' round with their car...I let off 2 rounds...nobody heard it...would have been dead with the garage door open in broad daylight...and my mom and daughter didn't hear the shots either...when I crashed my beamer last summer...I was lowkey hopin' that I died...


If there's a breh or brehette reading this shyt...and has felt the same way or does now...don't fukkin' kill yourself...somebody loves you...I'm getting help now...and see a therapist every 2 weeks...I was diagnosed with clinical depression 2 months ago...


I have anxiety too...and now just getting medication for this shyt...which is helping tremendously...I would just be sleep all day...and not getting up for work if it wasn't for that Zoloft......so with the therapy and meds...I'm looking forward to overcoming my depression and suicidal thoughts...I hope that this serves to help a breh or brehette going thru the same thing and to get help if you haven't already...

Peace 2 my brehettes and in the words of 2Pac..."Keep Ya Head Up"


Peace 2 my brehs and in the words of 2Pac..."If My Homies Call"...ya know I gotchu

 

[MikelArteta]

Just gotta keep pushing, life can change in a instant and that's one beauty of life, and anyways your going to die one day anyways so

I've battled anxiety and depression myself it's no fun, never took meds or anything and most people don't understand. All they see is the outward but no one sees how your like dying inside thankfully again life can change in a instant regardless of your situation

 

[Rhapscallion Démone]

Never know who u might be helping by sharing things like this breh.

 

[Doobie Doo]

I learned if they can't all show love to me, then they all should hate on me.

 

[Ronnie Macho]

Just gotta keep pushing, life can change in a instant and that's one beauty of life, and anyways your going to die one day anyways so

I've battled anxiety and depression myself it's no fun, never took meds or anything and most people don't understand. All they see is the outward but no one sees how your like dying inside thankfully again life can change in a instant regardless of your situation

So true...man thanks for the encouragement and your experience...people def don't understand when you go thru deep shyt...it can knock your brain chemistry out of wack causing depression...chronic...clinical depression...I've had this shyt since I was 12 right when things started to change around me and in my life...I never recovered emotionally because I always kept shyt inside and never talked to no one about things because they'd never understand or chastise me for feeling however way I felt anyway...so I had to bare a lot of shyt on my own internally never learning how to connect with others or keep relationships...

 

[Ronnie Macho]

Never know who u might be helping by sharing things like this breh.

Thanks man...I kinda held back on this thread...been on my mind for a minute...but I know if I've felt like this and still battle with the idea of suicide and know others are going thru it as well...so I hope definitely if anyone else is going thru this to stay alive and keep pushing for that better...brighter day!...I know for a fact the average person couldn't deal with all the losses and loneliness that I've dealt with in the last 7 to 10 years...it's like every year...I have to start my life all over again...never getting anywhere at all...keep ya head up breh...because greatness awaits you!!!...

 

[ImmaGetJoeClarkArrested]

Thanks for sharing breh...I've never been suicidal but I had a tiny bit of depression and all I ever think about since I was a kid is that all things are temporary

I told myself at a very young age that nothing that happens now matters because it won't be the same in 5 years

 

[Ronnie Macho]

Thanks for sharing breh...I've never been suicidal but I had a tiny bit of depression and all I ever think about since I was a kid is that all things are temporary

I told myself at a very young age that nothing that happens now matters because it won't be the same in 5 years

"This too shall pass"...that's a good way to look at it breh...I use to be very optimistic no matter how many losses I took...but somewhere along the line...the world came crashing down on me...and I was left alone to pick the pieces back up...things have been the same for me...for the past 7 to 10 years...so still waiting on this temporary shyt to pass and in the meantime trying to have a good attitude about it...

 

[Weaver31]

Glad u are getting better and getting help now. Stay strong for urself and ur daughter. Depression aint no joke but one thing I learned in life...anything or anyone that's giving u a lot of negative energy...u need to not entertain that. Don't let shyt bring u down. And if u go thru some unfortunate and unplanned shyt like losing a job or having a hard time paying bills...just try to be strong and improve ur situation.

 

[The Coochie Assassin]

Best thing to do when you feeling that way is to move b. Go out and take a jog. Hit the gym. Hike. Play basketball. You not gonna feel like killing yourself trying get your 3 going on the court. You'll notice you feel down and out when you're just sitting around not doing anything. Staying still is the devil. Always be moving.

 

[Ronnie Macho]

Glad u are getting better and getting help now. Stay strong for urself and ur daughter. Depression aint no joke but one thing I learned in life...anything or anyone that's giving u a lot of negative energy...u need to not entertain that. Don't let shyt bring u down. And if u go thru some unfortunate and unplanned shyt like losing a job or having a hard time paying bills...just try to be strong and improve ur situation.

Thanks man...I really appreciate that!!!...You really hit home on the bolded...my therapist told me to lead with love and peace instead of a war mentality...I'm always ready for war cause nikkas always ready to tear me down and hate on me and everything I try to do...so since all I get is hate...I'll make time for the hate and fukkery...she asked if I was homicidal as well...I told her no......there's still some beefs from 20 years ago that bothers me...so letting go and forgiving is a big one for me...I never forget...I mean never...and I can be really good at the negative shyt but that's not where my heart is...she told me it was a reflection of me and what's going on inside...so now I'll try to lead with "love and peace"...whatever that is...Thanks for that reminder...cause the negative shyt is always so readily available and in ample proportions...

 

[Ninjaz In Paris]

Become a Blessing to Others. As Simple as it Sounds... Energy is real... & we all resonate a Vibration. You can redirect your Vibration if you dedicate enough Time to Universal Law.

Which Universal Law?

Law Of Echoes. What you send out comes back... but it must come from within'. In our day to day lives starting with those we encounter attempt to be a Channel in which you spread nothing but Happiness, Laughter & Joy to others. Even if you feel this isn't you... watch. It starts with the DOING first... then after a while it starts to become a FEELING... and finally, you become it.

This is coming from a Skeptic... a Doubting Thomas, if you will. I was once an extremely angry, unforgiving & ridiculously vengeful person.

One day... I just said No More. I began to simply express Positivity to others & after a while that anger was replaced with Joy of seeing how I can be an extension to others in times of need... unforgiveness was replaced with understanding & empathy... & vengeance became more of a desire to spread Love & love alone.

After a while the changes taking place Internally began to reflect Ouwardly. The negative & toxic people around began distancing & disappearing slowly... positive & incredibly happy people began to come into my life out of nowhere. It's subtle & after a while you look into the Mirror and realize this new person was you all along... hidden under layers and layers of "the world."

Like Begets Like... Self Always Meets Self...

Once you experience these changes the phrase "As Above, So Below... As Within, So Without... As The Universe, So The Soul" not only becomes apparent, but you will experience a little bit of bliss because your World is yours to create as you create yourself.

I was NOT a believer...

 

[Ronnie Macho]

Best thing to do when you feeling that way is to move b. Go out and take a jog. Hit the gym. Hike. Play basketball. You not gonna feel like killing yourself trying get your 3 going on the court. You'll notice you feel down and out when you're just sitting around not doing anything. Staying still is the devil. Always be moving.

You hit the nail on the head bro...before the meds I would sleep all day and no matter how much sleep I got I would still be sleepy and go right back to bed...I thought I had low testosterone or something...my mom always said it sounded like "depression" but I would wave her off like......so I go to the doctor to explain and she's like your at a 5 out of the 18 questionnaire right now for "clinical depression" and we're not even done with the survey yet...you only need to experience 3 of the 18 symptoms to be diagnosed...she said it's from "deep seated family issues"...for the past 7 years...I've gone thru a divorce from a woman I loved but didn't love me...had to move back home with my mom...who fought with me every fukkin' single day...to the point I didn't wanna wake up in the morning...been unemployed for 2 years straight and someone stole my last unemployment check at the time...getting constantly rejected on apartment applications...no friends...love interests or anything...when I would go home and even when I go home now...it's nothing but the walls and me...I have to have weed on deck to function properly...weed is my bestfriend...I stare at the walls...smoke and go to sleep...my phone never rings except when my daughter facetimes me...
Thank God for her!!!...

 

[Ronnie Macho]

Become a Blessing to Others. As Simple as it Sounds... Energy is real... & we all resonate a Vibration. You can redirect your Vibration if you dedicate enough Time to Universal Law.

Which Universal Law?

Law Of Echoes. What you send out comes back... but it must come from within'. In our day to day lives starting with those we encounter attempt to be a Channel in which you spread nothing but Happiness, Laughter & Joy to others. Even if you feel this isn't you... watch. It starts with the DOING first... then after a while it starts to become a FEELING... and finally, you become it.

This is coming from a Skeptic... a Doubting Thomas, if you will. I was once an extremely angry, unforgiving & ridiculously vengeful person.

One day... I just said No More. I began to simply express Positivity to others & after a while that anger was replaced with Joy of seeing how I can be an extension to others in times of need... unforgiveness was replaced with understanding & empathy... & vengeance became more of a desire to spread Love & love alone.

After a while the changes taking place Internally began to reflect Ouwardly. The negative & toxic people around began distancing & disappearing slowly... positive & incredibly happy people began to come into my life out of nowhere. It's subtle & after a while you look into the Mirror and realize this new person was you all along... hidden under layers and layers of "the world."

Like Begets Like... Self Always Meets Self...

Once you experience these changes the phrase "As Above, So Below... As Within, So Without... As The Universe, So The Soul" not only becomes apparent, but you will experience a little bit of bliss because your World is yours to create as you create yourself.

I was NOT a believer...

That was excellent man...I love Universal Law...so I thank you deeply for that!...I want to be on that positive path and vibration like yourself...but subconsciously I don't believe I will see the desired changes I'd like to see...I know that's been my issue with my subconscious blocks but I am definitely still gonna put my best foot forward...I've been catchin' my usual negative thoughts today and replacing with phrases in the now or present moment to reflect what I want to manifest or the mindset I'd like to have...thanks again!

 

[Neuromancer]

Get a therapist.