The Coli Bachelor Handbook

[Taadow]

If you haven't taking a bath in 3 days and

Say WHERT??

 

[patscorpio]

--Have something interesting on a wall or ceiling for a chic to focus on.

this is underrated advice...i have a big ass framed picture on the wall in my living room that i got from my father's friend, who's an artist, when i first moved into my spot....every single female who's been in my spot once they check things out marvels at it on some type shyt

here's the picture

 

[MR. SNIFLES]

I'll help you bachelors with all of this in one swoop:

DON'T BRING RANDOMS TO YOUR CRIZZIB. That way:

- keep your spot however the hell you want
- keep whatever you want in your fridge
- don't trip off that extra toothbrush, washcloth ish
- she ain't leavin' stuff in your spot "accidentally" or whatever
- if she gets...let's say "disgruntled" later on, she can't fucc up your chit

If you just out to get yo' buss on wit' a brizzoad/brizzizzoads, you gotta scraight up be Batman status - she don't see you unless she shine that signal in the night sky.


...all that said...If you're really getting to know a chick and you wanna cuff/keep her, that's when she can come in your place. And you won't even have to say anything - she'll step up your "place" game. Let her sprinkle you a li'l bit, but you still have to let her overstand that it's your place, so don't get crazy wit' it.

MAN THAT'S THE ONLY ONE YOU REALLY NEEDED TO SAY.

 

[Stuntone]

This is one of my wolf trick that works about 89.97% of the time in the winter. Have the heat down low. Like 67 degrees: only comes on when it's freezing. Pull out a nice cozy fleece blanket.

Washed in this fabric Softener (throw those dryer sheets in the bushes)

Make sure you're freeballing and wearing some nastyman sweats or pajamas before ya'll start spooning. She'll start squirming

Sweatpants Before

Sweatpants After

 

[skeetsinternal]

If your house isn't smelling to fresh, from frying foods or whatever. Put about 3 ounces of these with a few cups of water and boil it. My older brother put me on this. Your house will be smelling so fresh.

You can use dishwashing liquid or any good smelling stuff.

This shyt right here is piff. I got some good smelling shyt simmering under low light on the stove and its got my whole place smelling GOOD! I got a new shorty coming by in a few after she get done with the hairdresser and got the spot cleaned up, music going, lined up the remotes, got the Macbook streaming some shyt to the tv. Im good!

 

[funkee]

living room: 1) COMFY COUCH with a good blanket, chicks love that shyt 2) badass tv 3) at least one piece of eye candy on the wall as these other dudes have said 4) some air freshener/couch freshener 5) interesting reading material
kitchen: 1) snacks on snacks, drinks on drinks brehs, Mr Chi City said it best (slap yourself if you haven't seen this video)
bathroom: 1) keep the toilet clean you dirty mothafukkas 2) MOIST WIPES are a must - you are NOT showering at my place unless you are my exclusive girl
bedroom: 1) clean sheets is basically my only requirement

 

[Chief]

If you haven't taking a bath in 3 days and there's a girl on her way over.

Hit the hot spot with this.

And back door the oil with this

Wouldn't it be easier to take a shower

 

[skeetsinternal]

living room: 1) COMFY COUCH with a good blanket, chicks love that shyt 2) badass tv 3) at least one piece of eye candy on the wall as these other dudes have said 4) some air freshener/couch freshener 5) interesting reading material
kitchen: 1) snacks on snacks, drinks on drinks brehs, Mr Chi City said it best (slap yourself if you haven't seen this video)
bathroom: 1) keep the toilet clean you dirty mothafukkas 2) MOIST WIPES are a must - you are NOT showering at my place unless you are my exclusive girl
bedroom: 1) clean sheets is basically my only requirement

Your list is on point playa. I got the 52 inch with a full 1080p movie playing the previous Bond movie, dimmers on the lights, you just reminded me to go get a soft blanket and the baby wipes for the 1/2 bathroom

 

[Stuntone]

This shyt right here is piff. I got some good smelling shyt simmering under low light on the stove and its got my whole place smelling GOOD! I got a new shorty coming by in a few after she get done with the hairdresser and got the spot cleaned up, music going, lined up the remotes, got the Macbook streaming some shyt to the tv. Im good!

 

[TMillzy]

-An ottoman makes for the best perch to put a chic on for doggie style
-Have something interesting on a wall or ceiling for a chic to focus on. I use lava lamps to prep her mind for whats to cum
-Sprinkle shower to shower on your mattress
-Depend on who it is I have spare toothbrushes available and comfy spare clothes (big tees free pack of boxers and socks)
-Have a decent soundsystem for music thru out the crib
-The smell of apples, cinnamon, vanilla are stimulating
-Wash your body with whatever but use scented shaving cream to wash your nuts and asscrack (this works good for removing musty ball odors)
- Try to watch action/comedy movies instead horror, suspense, girly movies
- Fruity drinks in fridge or tart drink makes a chics mouth juicy

 

[Steve Piffler]

YHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

i been outta the game for a minute, so i'll be using this shyt starting in January. Can't wait

i used that "boil some smell good liquid" idea before when i was a bachelor. my jamaican homie put me on to that. let me add on to the list:

1. stash rubbers all over the house. never know when or where in your crib you will get shyt poppin'. better to just reach for a rubber than to have to stop and go to another room to get one.
2. Keep different playlists on deck and ready to go. the 'chillin' on the couch' mix, the 'having dinner' mix, the having a glass of wine and playing a boardgame' mix, the 'make sweet love' mix, the 'beat that p*ssy up' mix, and for the hoodrats, the 'bounce that ass, bytch' mix
3. get a nice living plant. something that you have to take care of. women dig that shyt for some reason.
4. get a nice set of wine glasses and always have a couple of bottles of wine in the fridge (unless it's red wine. then it's room temp.)

i can't wait to get into my place. i'm buying TV's this weekend and having them hung on the wall. shyt is gonna be DOPE!

 

[patscorpio]

lol i remember one thing i used to do in my single days was putting condoms in a candy dish on my table (i actually got this idea from a female)...that's always an instant convo starter and sends things in the right direction

 

[Silver Surfer]

Heres a trick i picked up a few years ago....get a DJ program on your laptop, say virtual DJ.

Get a gang of music, not just rap!

Hook the laptop up to the TV and start mixing songs...*practice so you get the hang of it.

When she comes over, pull out the program and play around...then tell her "your turn"

Her p*ssy will get wet with excitement when she sees that you are showing her how to DJ.

 

[Steve Piffler]

send ALL of your clothes to the cleaners. only shyt you should be washing is boxers, socks, t-shirts, and shyt you wear around the house. everything else, get it dry cleaned.

have a list of date ideas, restaurants, movie theaters, etc. already on deck. that way, you always have an idea of what you want to do and you never appear to be indecisive.

have 2 or 3 dishes that you can cook VERY WELL. a man that cooks is impressive to females

have a signature cologne scent that ONLY YOU know about. stay away from the shyt that everybody wears (issey miyake, kenneth cole black, dolce & gabana, etc) that way, when she smells it, it reminds her of you.

get 5 BIG fluffy bath towels (the size of a beach towel). chicks LOVE to wrap themselves in big bath towels after their shower. they also forget to put on clothes because they like the way the soft towel feels against their skin

 

[DaPresident]

Man y'all hit most of the main things...

Just some common sense points

-keep the house or at least living area clean females love a clean spot but really, who wants to live in filth? Clean the dishes, counter tops and ur room (u gonna be hittin it in there right?) clean like 2x a month u should b straight

Bonus: if u really on it, make ur bed...u look a lil sophisticated (my gf words)

-keep a bottle or two of tequila/vodka around even if u don't drink said drink...plus appropriate mixers and fruit...body shots could b a possibility lol def has for me at least

-a dryer sheet in between ur mattress and bed sheet keeps bed smellin right (specially that budussy smell lol)

-keep freezer bags. U cookin for one (bachelor) so buy chicken/meat (pause) in bulk when there's sales, come home season said meats...divide up in bags, date and put name of contents on bag and freeze....now u got easy meals, thaw put in oven,make sides and eat

-lil trick I picked up from older cousin...if u got a sofa and love seat in living room where tv is...always keep something in sofa and loveseat is always free. Subconsciously the chick wil, sit where there's no obstuction..idk

Idk just some stuff I picked up on through the years and the bachelor pads I've occupied