I used to smoke all the time, but then it started making me paranoid, no matter the strain. I can't smoke anymore without making everything worse
I've learned to live with my situation though. Some people just aren't meant to be happy. I'm one of those people. It pissed me off for a year or two, but I'm content with it now. I'm able to function fine. I'm just not happy. Normally I'm very depressed, so just feeling normal is a blessing. I don't need happy, I just need normal. After a plethora of meds, I'm feeling "normal" now. I'll take that. I don't even care about being happy, I'm just trying to not be depressed and suicidal.
That's just my life. My pdoc wanted me to get electroshock therapy, but I'm like

no not doing that (I want to keep my mind and intelligence). I'm fine with just feeling normal, or mildly depressed. I'll keep taking the (very strong) APs, ADs, and sedatives. Don't be shocking my brain