I've fetched quill and decided to scribe to thee, who this letter isn't addressed to by name, but should be delivered personally to, of definitive origin, if the hands tasked to guide it's passage to you haven't yielded to iniquitous desires.
As aforementioned in a previous correspondence, Back when I was rather callous, but earnest lass, a familiar young moppet who's countenance wasn't readily accepted by a particular brigand of un-scrupulous dames, replete with figures resembling poorly sculpted amphoras, was accosted at her chateau, of which the heavy harlots breached and then properly trounced her under the architecture of her own damned Foyer after she foolishly answered their response at her own door! OF ALL THE UNCOUTH THINGS!
Well my dear friend, I vowed a solemn oath that circumstances such as the ones I relay to you in this post should never become happenstance, since this husky whoredom weren't too fond of yours truly as well. It is known to you that I often take solace outside of the hamlet, up to nothing more scandalous than reading parchment of authors our parents would rather not exist much less be mentioned at gentle conversation beside the hearthplace or casually during entertained company within one's solarium. The nerve.
The tawdry band of loose women tried, as they were now emboldened to by their previous exercusions, to rap earnestly on my manor door, ready to have the same brand of perverted conversation, spoken with fist and feet about my delicate but determined person. However, they never accounted for the fact that I had held counsel with my beloved brother, raised in the hamlet of brownsville, and with his gendarmerie training, imparted one with sound knowledge and an even sharper knife, a paring blade of sorts; For protection of course.
It only took one particularly feeble attempt to accost me at my own dwelling, to which I'm ashamed to say that I was almost too eager to outstretch my arms, and declare loudly "If you desire to have your garments and flesh rended by the dagger nestled warmly in the most intimate part of my bodice, THEN RUNNETH UP bytch SO THOU CAN RECIEVE THE FUKETH OF WHICH YOU ARE ABOUT TO FINDETH OUT!
Needless to say, they deemed to stay ignorant of that which they once sought and I'm being sent to the townlet, of which you so happen to abide in and would love to be in your counsel as I am now being forced to learn the ways in which you, a debutante yourself, should conduct themselves in a manner befitting of a lady.
Hope this finds you in good heart and health my friend.
Yours truly.
The Sweltering Blade of Harlem.
Thanks bud. Already been trained by the best
Saved, printed, put up on my corkboard!
