Should I spy on my son’s mysterious new girlfriend?
Our only child has begun his first serious relationship. He is in his mid-20s. He has a steady career, money in the bank, no loans or debt where not much will hold him back from a rapid progression from dating to married. We are not 1% wealthy, but through some calculated risk taking, incredibly hard work, good money and asset management, my wife and I have managed to set up a very comfortable future. Money isn’t everything, but it sure makes things a heck of a lot easier.
We are not helicopter parents, but we have sought to instill in him our drive, work ethic, and attention to detail that has served us well. We have tried, and think we have succeeded (on most days) to develop this internal compass that will serve him throughout his life. All in all, he is well adjusted and squared away, not to mention we both have an enviable relationship with him and want him to find someone who will be his partner in life.
While this is not a broad brushed condemnation for all millennial women, my wife and I are terrified of a person that may take advantage of our son and his situation.
Read: My dad didn’t love me! He only left me $10,000
Which brings me to the dilemma: His current girlfriend has some gaps in her history and has exhibited behavior that points to a pattern of underachievement. Suffice to say that she has suddenly and significantly dialed back current employment and long-shot career plans since my son has arrived on the scene. Additionally, there has been some evidence of police activity at her residence. What kind of activity, we don’t know, but the total package scares us.
We have the means to dig deeper into this young women’s past, and feel guilty going “full recon”, but we want to protect our son (and our combined assets). Yes, at all costs. And, no, we haven’t figured out yet what to do with any uncovered negative information, but I think we could figure something out if it protects him from potential disaster. Sure, our son is entitled to make his own life, and work through his own mistakes, but it would kill us if he/we were taken for a ride. No matter how old he gets, he is still our son. This is where we are stuck as we watch this relationship progress.
Our only child has begun his first serious relationship. He is in his mid-20s. He has a steady career, money in the bank, no loans or debt where not much will hold him back from a rapid progression from dating to married. We are not 1% wealthy, but through some calculated risk taking, incredibly hard work, good money and asset management, my wife and I have managed to set up a very comfortable future. Money isn’t everything, but it sure makes things a heck of a lot easier.
We are not helicopter parents, but we have sought to instill in him our drive, work ethic, and attention to detail that has served us well. We have tried, and think we have succeeded (on most days) to develop this internal compass that will serve him throughout his life. All in all, he is well adjusted and squared away, not to mention we both have an enviable relationship with him and want him to find someone who will be his partner in life.
While this is not a broad brushed condemnation for all millennial women, my wife and I are terrified of a person that may take advantage of our son and his situation.
Read: My dad didn’t love me! He only left me $10,000
Which brings me to the dilemma: His current girlfriend has some gaps in her history and has exhibited behavior that points to a pattern of underachievement. Suffice to say that she has suddenly and significantly dialed back current employment and long-shot career plans since my son has arrived on the scene. Additionally, there has been some evidence of police activity at her residence. What kind of activity, we don’t know, but the total package scares us.
We have the means to dig deeper into this young women’s past, and feel guilty going “full recon”, but we want to protect our son (and our combined assets). Yes, at all costs. And, no, we haven’t figured out yet what to do with any uncovered negative information, but I think we could figure something out if it protects him from potential disaster. Sure, our son is entitled to make his own life, and work through his own mistakes, but it would kill us if he/we were taken for a ride. No matter how old he gets, he is still our son. This is where we are stuck as we watch this relationship progress.