Honestly bruh don't listen to the majority of the Cum dumpsters on this site
Some are cool, majority are ashy mahfs that can't pull a bytch if there life depended on it
Sounds to me that you're just scared to lose your virginity
Everyone is
But our brains make us experience it different
I suggest finding a girl you like letting her know you knew
Take it slow with her bro .. let it happen over couple weeks
^that's the "right thing" to say
But fukk it I'll be your big homie
Smash that bytch out the frame right away so you face your fear head on
Once you do you'll be

"where this been my whole life"
But.... if you start crying while you fukk her or you puke on her.. you're a fakkits