murksiderock
Superstar
And was I right or wrong? I'd like feedback from the lady posters on here too!
My woman and I just had a tense debate about being spoiled and now we in separate rooms, she about to leave. Basically she said she was "spoiled rotten" during her first pregnancy, to which I responded "you're spoiled in general". She didn't like that and asked me to define what I meant, and after hesitating some, I told her...
In a nutshell, for her, I consider her spoiled because she's never had to get anything out the mud. Her job that she's been at for 3 years, but has been on maternity leave for 7 months, allows her to come and go as she pleases, and she isn't a manager, supervisor, or senior employee. Just a regular worker---->I told her that most places keep track of your absences and there's a limit on how many you can have before termination...
Add to this, she got the job because she was bestie's with the boss's daughter. She got raises outside of her qualifying raise periods. These things contribute to her spoil I told her, because she takes it for granted as if everyone has the same leverage at work...
Personally, she gets all the assistance from the state and has never had to pay for childcare or food. To me that contributes to her spoil, you're not paying for those things on your own dime. She's on Section 8 and considers her $500 rent to be high, when clearly it would be much higher if you were out here getting it and weren't on assistance...
She has her mother riding for her every step of the way, which obviously every person doesn't have. A significant safety net of friends and family that hold her down with her kids whenever she needs them to (whether it's picking then up, dropping them off, watching them, etc), and of course now she has me, who makes sure she's good otherwise. This woman has been here since she was 12, has never lived outside of two places (Raleigh and Brooklyn) but her entire adult life has been here in one place, where she's also never lived more than a few blocks from her mother and other branches of family...
Everybody don't have the family safety net so that contributes to spoil for me, but she went off on me of course. Basically she's never had to use more than minimal effort to make something happen for herself because at every corner there's a near-instant helping hand---->in getting a job, in getting a car, in getting food and childcare assistance, in getting raises, in getting your kids watched, etc. She does live a minimalist lifestyle but in my experience people (men too!) that I've met like this aren't prepared for the wake up calls once they come knocking...
And the thing is I wasn't using "spoiled" in a derogatory sense, she just took it like that. Was I wrong or should I have worded myself differently, or is she just being hella sensitive?
My woman and I just had a tense debate about being spoiled and now we in separate rooms, she about to leave. Basically she said she was "spoiled rotten" during her first pregnancy, to which I responded "you're spoiled in general". She didn't like that and asked me to define what I meant, and after hesitating some, I told her...
In a nutshell, for her, I consider her spoiled because she's never had to get anything out the mud. Her job that she's been at for 3 years, but has been on maternity leave for 7 months, allows her to come and go as she pleases, and she isn't a manager, supervisor, or senior employee. Just a regular worker---->I told her that most places keep track of your absences and there's a limit on how many you can have before termination...
Add to this, she got the job because she was bestie's with the boss's daughter. She got raises outside of her qualifying raise periods. These things contribute to her spoil I told her, because she takes it for granted as if everyone has the same leverage at work...
Personally, she gets all the assistance from the state and has never had to pay for childcare or food. To me that contributes to her spoil, you're not paying for those things on your own dime. She's on Section 8 and considers her $500 rent to be high, when clearly it would be much higher if you were out here getting it and weren't on assistance...
She has her mother riding for her every step of the way, which obviously every person doesn't have. A significant safety net of friends and family that hold her down with her kids whenever she needs them to (whether it's picking then up, dropping them off, watching them, etc), and of course now she has me, who makes sure she's good otherwise. This woman has been here since she was 12, has never lived outside of two places (Raleigh and Brooklyn) but her entire adult life has been here in one place, where she's also never lived more than a few blocks from her mother and other branches of family...
Everybody don't have the family safety net so that contributes to spoil for me, but she went off on me of course. Basically she's never had to use more than minimal effort to make something happen for herself because at every corner there's a near-instant helping hand---->in getting a job, in getting a car, in getting food and childcare assistance, in getting raises, in getting your kids watched, etc. She does live a minimalist lifestyle but in my experience people (men too!) that I've met like this aren't prepared for the wake up calls once they come knocking...
And the thing is I wasn't using "spoiled" in a derogatory sense, she just took it like that. Was I wrong or should I have worded myself differently, or is she just being hella sensitive?
