It’s a cultural issue. Every other group encourages the youth to get married by late 20s/30.
That’s both sexes.
Our community is a free-for-all and we don’t focus on the serious stuff until it’s way later than everyone else.
It wasn’t always this way, but it’s been like this for a while; definitely before most/everyone here was born (40, 50+ yrs).
Marriage is hard, and if people in your family had bad times or feel like they got shafted in some way, they won’t necessarily push you to marriage if they don’t know how to tell you how to find a healthy relationship.
The housewives in my family loooooove marriage, because they haven’t worked since lord knows when. They will definitely encourage you to get married
The wives who were breadwinners weren’t as encouraging because they fulfilled their traditional roles while having high-powered careers. You could tell they were tired and a bit resentful, even though they didn’t start to verbalize it until after 40, 50 YRS of marriage.
I’ll tell you now, I remember when I was a little younger, older Black ppl would stop me dead in my tracks. Women would always start randomly giving me marriage advice (
) because they thought I was a cute young girl so marriage must be in the cards lol
Literally- a married couple would approach me and start talking about how great marriage is and how I have to get married.
Then the husband would walk away and the wife would say
- “Just..wait a bit. It’s not
bad, but it’s a lot of WORK.”
-“Yea, he’s probably going to cheat here and there, especially if he travels for work, but when you’re busy with the home and the kids…you won’t be trying to track down who might be with him while he’s traveling. So don’t worry about that.”
-“Oh yea I know a lot of women whose husbands cheat, but not mine. He’s one of the good ones.”
Scared the hell out of me.
-Then young men being told that men don’t have a clock so they can wait until whenever and they’ll have their pick of all the women (which clearly isn’t true, because if every young woman was into older guys and didn’t care about looks/physique every gainfully employed man who wanted a woman would have one)
-Not focusing on education/trades early enough, so they aren’t in a position to move the way men of other races move by 30. If every brotha pursued careers in accounting, engineering, tech, education, government, plumbing, HVAC, trucking/CDL, etc more young men would be financially comfortable by 30ish and ready to take on the next stage of life and our neighborhoods would be better. I know guys like this. They disappeared for a while and pushed through professional school by 30, 33, and they aren’t playing catch up, trying to find themselves or switch careers, etc
-Must be taught that manhood isn’t just making money. Manhood means being responsible for a family.
——————
We have to reset the culture.
If young women know what the right type of man is, they can find him at the appropriate age and avoid pitfalls.
If young men are prepared to lead and actually DESIRE to do so, more will be ready to step up when they encounter a nice girl, instead of playing the field indefinitely.
We have to fix the culture.
