First time I got dumped was in college.
Was in love with that girl...she crushed my heart...didn't even get a goodbye.
She moved outta state...just disappeared one day.
Gone.
Then 3-4 months later decides to fukkin call my house outta the blue.
Ex: "Behind-the-wheel?"
Me: The fukk? Ex?
Ex: Hi...I'm sorry, it's a long story.
Wound up fukking her a few times more before she disappeared again...but my heart was gone by then so it was all fun.
We wound up doing that stupid off and on shyt over the next 15 years.
But now she belongs to California and I'm changing all my contact info in 3 months.
Won't ever hear from her again.
Second time I got dumped I didn't even know I got dumped.
Thought I found the perfect girl (yeah fukkin right, they don't exist) at the time and was blown.
Huge t*ts, creamy skin, rich family, hot sisters, had her own shyt, two huge houses, four cars, hot mother, cool ass dad...
So everything's going good for about 2 months when all of a sudden shyt just changes.
Everyone is all somber when I visit the house. Gf ain't fun anymore, sisters ain't laughing and flirting, mom and dad are gone all the time.
So then the gf disappears for a few days and I can't contact her or anyone at the house.
Drive by...nothing...no one's there.
So I'm like...this shyt again???!?
So i decide to do the disappearing this time and I cry it out by myself in my apartment for a few weeks and get over it.
So I get a random ass phone call one night right before I am getting ready to head out with my friends for our friday night get together.
It's the girl!!!
Me: WTF...what do you want?
Her: I'm sorry, can we get together and talk.
Me: Whatever, I'm heading to the spot with my crew. If you wanna talk, meet me there.
So me and my crew get there and we're eating and drinking and having a good time when the girl walks in and gets herself a booth.
So I break from my crew and go over to her table like "What do you want?".
Her: I'm sorry. I know I probably hurt your feelings and I'm sorry.
Me: Yeah, fukkin shyt....so what is your problem. You and your fukkin family move or some shyt and just decided not to tell me? I been through this shyt before so just tell the fukkin truth, I don't care anymore anyway. You got 3 minutes and then I'm going back to my fukkin table.
Her: Well, I've had to stop smoking because I have cancer.
Me: Oh.....wow....

Her: That's why everything was weird at the house. My family knew but I didn't know how to tell you and everyone was sad because they were worried about me.
Me: Soooo...
Her: Yeah, when everyone disappeared it was because we were all in ********* for me to get cancer treatment and chemotherapy. I'm still really weak and my sister drove me here so I could talk to you. I'm wearing a wig. (She proceeds to lift the wig and show her bald head)
Me:

Oh damn...well...um...I don't know what to say. I'm seeing someone right now...I thought you were gone so...
Her: It's ok...I understand...but can we still be friends?
Me: Sure...that's fine...look, Imma head back to my crew...I'll give you a call sometime.
Her: Okay, thanks...I'd like that.
I called her the next weekend to go to the movies...went, but it was too fukking awkward and strange...plus the girl I was fukkin didn't like the idea of me hangin out with another chick I used to fukk...even if she was dyin.
Strange how things turn out though.
She evidently beat the cancer and about 5 years later I saw her flashing her huge t*ts at Panama City Beach in one of those "Girls Gone Wild" videos.
But she gained a lotta weight in the wrong places and pretty much didn't have a chin anymore...

dodged a big fat bullet yet again...hahahaha.
Sooo many of my exes turned into jabba the hut later in life.
