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ASK AGATHA: “WHY DOESN’T MY FAMILY BELIEVE I DON’T WANT KIDS?” AND THE BEST WAY TO APPROACH WOMEN
Agatha Guilluame, 1/12/16
Angelique from Atlanta, GA asks:
Why is it, family feel like they can say anything to you? Yes I’m 36. Yes I’m single. No I don’t want kids. But they don’t believe me. They just dismiss me. I mean I have a master’s degree, a great job, my own home and a healthy savings and yet my mother and my aunts still look at me with pity. And my “barrenness” somehow always becomes the topic of discussion. It’s infuriating. How do I make them stand down once and for all?
Get pregnant?
Listen how do you make any family member stand down on anything? Apparently, when I was a baby I was all hair and eyes and my then 10 year old, highly impressionable uncle who had just seen the Gremlins (it debuted in theaters that year) immediately nicknamed me after the main Gremlin, Mogwai.
That’s my name now.
And to my family that will always be my name.
So I answer to it because nothing I could’ve done over the years would’ve made a bit of difference.
And until you get pregnant, your barrenness will always be a topic of conversation.
So fall into it.
A fundamental fact of our biology is the propagation of the species, so why do you think Aunt Claudia is going to believe you when you tell her you don’t want kids?
Angela. You need more people because I’m at the kitchen table with your mama and ‘em talking shyt about you too.
I mean maybe your only defense is to be honest with your family and yourself (but especially yourself). I mean, do you really not want kids—or have you just given up on the idea of kids because you feel like time has run out? Or do you say you don’t want kids because you don’t want to face the idea that it might not happen? So you feel like if you don’t say you want it, not getting it won’t break your heart?
Maybe because my own clocking is ticking so loudly do I find it hard to believe your clock has no batteries.
Honestly, the only time I believe another woman when she says she doesn’t want kids is when she’s very young and what she really means is “I don’t want kids now” or when she already has kids or when she has everything in place to make a home for a child and still doesn’t want one.
So Angela, are you really saying, if you had a significant other to complete the perfect picture of all the things you do have, a career, a house, a savings, that you still wouldn’t want kids? So if you met the right person, you wouldn’t want a child with them?
And don’t just answer “no” to prove your point. Really think about it. Because if the answer isn’t “no” then I’d stop telling your family that you don’t want kids and start telling them the truth. That you do.
And that’s the great thing about being a woman in this society. You get to be soft and pink. You get to be vulnerable and raw without censure. You get to ask for help in order to get the things you want and need. All this time you’re blocking your blessings because you’re too proud to tell the truth—that you want it all—and have you mama and those same aunts fan out to help you get it. And maybe eventually have a baby.
Ask Agatha: “Why Doesn’t My Family Believe I Don’t Want Kids?” And The Best Way To Approach Women | VSB
Agatha Guilluame, 1/12/16
Angelique from Atlanta, GA asks:
Why is it, family feel like they can say anything to you? Yes I’m 36. Yes I’m single. No I don’t want kids. But they don’t believe me. They just dismiss me. I mean I have a master’s degree, a great job, my own home and a healthy savings and yet my mother and my aunts still look at me with pity. And my “barrenness” somehow always becomes the topic of discussion. It’s infuriating. How do I make them stand down once and for all?
Get pregnant?
Listen how do you make any family member stand down on anything? Apparently, when I was a baby I was all hair and eyes and my then 10 year old, highly impressionable uncle who had just seen the Gremlins (it debuted in theaters that year) immediately nicknamed me after the main Gremlin, Mogwai.
That’s my name now.
And to my family that will always be my name.
So I answer to it because nothing I could’ve done over the years would’ve made a bit of difference.
And until you get pregnant, your barrenness will always be a topic of conversation.
So fall into it.
A fundamental fact of our biology is the propagation of the species, so why do you think Aunt Claudia is going to believe you when you tell her you don’t want kids?
Angela. You need more people because I’m at the kitchen table with your mama and ‘em talking shyt about you too.
I mean maybe your only defense is to be honest with your family and yourself (but especially yourself). I mean, do you really not want kids—or have you just given up on the idea of kids because you feel like time has run out? Or do you say you don’t want kids because you don’t want to face the idea that it might not happen? So you feel like if you don’t say you want it, not getting it won’t break your heart?
Maybe because my own clocking is ticking so loudly do I find it hard to believe your clock has no batteries.
Honestly, the only time I believe another woman when she says she doesn’t want kids is when she’s very young and what she really means is “I don’t want kids now” or when she already has kids or when she has everything in place to make a home for a child and still doesn’t want one.
So Angela, are you really saying, if you had a significant other to complete the perfect picture of all the things you do have, a career, a house, a savings, that you still wouldn’t want kids? So if you met the right person, you wouldn’t want a child with them?
And don’t just answer “no” to prove your point. Really think about it. Because if the answer isn’t “no” then I’d stop telling your family that you don’t want kids and start telling them the truth. That you do.
And that’s the great thing about being a woman in this society. You get to be soft and pink. You get to be vulnerable and raw without censure. You get to ask for help in order to get the things you want and need. All this time you’re blocking your blessings because you’re too proud to tell the truth—that you want it all—and have you mama and those same aunts fan out to help you get it. And maybe eventually have a baby.
Ask Agatha: “Why Doesn’t My Family Believe I Don’t Want Kids?” And The Best Way To Approach Women | VSB
I swear I hate people sometimes. They want to shame people into having kids but they aren't the ones that have to carry that kid around, give birth to it, then take care of it. It sucks how women are basically forced to be married/have kids or else you'll be belittled and shamed for the rest of your life. Disgusting