Why Great Husbands Are Being Abandoned

[swimmingpools]

women can call me whatever, simps can say whatever
but 50% of marriages end and women file 3/4th of them, and many times the man has done nothing wrong,

What makes you so sure about that?

 

[Serious]

women can call me whatever, simps can say whatever
but 50% of marriages end and women file 3/4th of them, and many times the man has done nothing wrong,

You know you're starting to sound like a broken record.


Kinda like those dudes who aren't racist but happen to post the same old black are 13% of the population yet make up 50% of the crime in the US line, every time something remotely relating to black culture surfaces in the media....

 

[Youseenmywork]

Young boys are told to never ask a woman her age.

We never question that code of conduct? Why is it wrong to ask a woman her age?

Well for me it just stupid because its something that has been passed down that nobody challenges. If GOD has allowed me to live 30yrs which im 30 then why would i or anybody say ..." its not nice to ask my age" If im trying to get to know a women and she hit me with that line she is probaly going to be difficult. If you ask a young girl her age they answer quickly " how old are you ..im 23" They answer quickly cause they know they are deliciously young. If you an older women and you have taken care of yourself why be ass about your age i dont get. Now for the women who dont take care of themselves well

 

[Ashley Banks]

There is hope. We might need to make that marriage thing happen, @Sunshine and work toward Black excellence.

don't judge me. I choose weird names for my pets. My dog's name is Noodle & I was gonna name her pengy (short for penguin)

 

[satam55]

Not so many years ago, married men had the freedom to live by one set of rules away from home, and a different set at the hearth. Because they held the power to distribute resources however they wished, they could decide what and when to share them. As women have become legitimate wage earners with more powerful voices, they have challenged their chosen partners to participate in a whole new kind of connection that does not accept automatic hierarchy.

In the last few decades women have slowly driven their point home. The millennial men, who are their current counterparts, are freer thinkers and they have responded in kind in their relationships as well. These men like their women strong and feisty, and have willingly accepted the responsibility to connect in a more vulnerable way. They get it that it's sexy to help make a meal or take the kids away on a Sunday morning so their wives can sleep in. They are the androgynous guys that their women have asked them to become.

You would think that the women in these new relationships would be ecstatic. They've got a guy who wants to work out together, share parenting, support their parallel dreams, and make their family collective central to both of their lives. They've established an equal relationship of coordinated teamwork, and the guys don't seem to miss their old need to posture for power over intimate connections.

Well, guess again. Fifty percent of marriages are still ending in divorce, and women continue to be the gender that initiates those endings. In the past, their reasons for leaving most often had to do with infidelity, neglect, or abuse. Now they're dumping men who are faithful, attentive, and respectful, the very men they said they have always wanted. Why would women who have accomplished the female dream suddenly not be satisfied with it? Why are they leaving these ideal guys, and for what reasons?

I am currently dealing with several of these great husbands. They are, across the board, respectful, quality, caring, devoted, cherishing, authentic, and supportive guys whose wives have left them for a different kind of man. These once-beloved men make a living, love their kids, help with chores, support aging parents, and support their mate's desires and interests. They believe they've done everything right. They are devastated, confused, disoriented, and heartsick. In a tragic way, they startlingly resemble the disheartened women of the past who were left behind by men who "just wanted something new."

You may think that these women are ruthless and inconsiderate. Those I know are far from that. More often, they still love their husbands as much as they ever did, but in a different way. They tell me how wonderful their men are and how much they respect them. They just don't want to be married to them anymore.

Perhaps it would be even more honest to say that they don't want to be yoked to anyone any more. At least in the traditional ways they once embraced as ideal. They feel compassion for their prior mates, but liberated in their new-found right to create a different way of feeling in relationships. In short, they want to live their lives with the privileges men once had.

I think I understand what is going on.

In the last twenty years, as women have found their voices and value, they have been asking more equality in their relationships. They were ready to take leadership and to disconnect from dependency. In exchange, they wanted their men to adopt nurturing and vulnerable characteristics. At first, there was an expected backlash. "Men are from Mars" and other media presentations became the cry for holding on to the differences between men and women and to keep them from blending.

Nevertheless, it became more and more apparent that quality people of both genders would be happier and more fulfilled if they could combine power and nurturing. Men would develop their feminine side and women their masculine. No longer would it be that the bad boys were sexy and the good women were virtuous. Now quality men needed to add chivalry to their power, and women to claim their ability for independent thinking and leadership. They could imagine a relationship where both were equally blended and free to be the best they could be. "She" and "he" became the new idealized "we."

As the trend picked up energy, more of the die-hard "men's men" started to see that the androgynous males were stealing the great girls from under their hard-core posturing, and began to wonder if their "take-no-prisoners" attitude might benefit from a little revising. Women saw their newly developed mates as their best friends, so wonderfully malleable they could take them anywhere and know they would fit in. Men no longer had to "understand and handle" their women, nor did women have to orchestrate "connection."

Then things started to go awry. Perhaps these androgynous couples over-valued adopting the same behaviors in their relationship. Maybe the men got too nice and the women a little too challenging. Oddly, the androgynous men seemed to like their new-found emotional availability, while the women began to feel more unfulfilled. Her "perfect" partner, in the process of reclaiming his full emotional expressiveness, somehow ended up paying an unfair price; he was no longer able to command the hierarchical respect from her that was once his inalienable right.

How can a man be a caretaker and a warrior at the same time? How can he serve his woman's need for a partner who is vulnerable, open, and intimate, while donning armor to fight the dangers that threaten his family and place in the world? How can he stand up and be a man amongst men, loyal to the hunting band that covers his back, while taking the night feeding, while not appearing less than a man? Did he blend his male energy with his female side, or did he learn to be more like a female at the price of his innate masculinity?

The women I have treated who have left their husbands for more "masculine" men believed that their new relationships would be able to both excite and nurture them. Sadly, that has not always happened. The veritable saint with balls is as elusive as ever.

When things haven't worked out as they thought they would, several of the women I am now working with are re-thinking their decisions, wondering if they left too soon, or for the wrong reasons. They want to reconcile with the men they have left behind. Their husbands are torn between the understandable desire to reject them and still wanting them back. Ironically, because these have nurtured the feminine side of their natures, they are also able to forgive in a way few men have been able to do in the past.

But because they have no interest in returning to the "bad boy" mentality their competitors brandished, they are faced with a challenge most men have never had to confront. How do they hold on to their vulnerability and capacity to nurture, and blend it with the strength and power required of a self-respecting leader of men?

None of my reuniting couples ever want to lose each other again. They've left the old ways behind and know that going back to what was will not work anymore. They intensely want to create a new kind of connection that blends the beauty of traditional roles with the freedom to move between them, and to blend the best of the past with an as-yet-unwritten future.

It must be a parallel path. Both men and women must separately find their own balance between their need for independence and their desire for ongoing commitment. As integrated individuals in their own right, they would then have the capacity to create a relationship that is more than the exchange or sum of the parts. Committed partners who are willing to fight for that innovative solution will find the way.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/randi-gunther/marriage-advice_b_5666990.html?utm_hp_ref=love-post50

Get married brehs!!!

 

[mamba]

don't judge me. I choose weird names for my pets. My dog's name is Noodle & I was gonna name her pengy (short for penguin)

As long as you don't try to name our children some cornball shyt, we're good @Sunshine

 

[StickStickly]

I swear this nikka always gotta make a thread atleast once a day about something negative about women and marriage.

he must be the grumpiest most depressing person to be in a relationship with. can you imagine, always sending you links to this damn articles, looking at you sideways when a handsome man walks past you, talking about single moms when you're shopping in the grocery store, you use his computer and he has thousands of saved articles about women wanting divorce.



damaged

 

[IAmGettingAMailOrderBride]

I tell you this
When a man commits to his women/wife
He only has to say it once and he means it

That's why they say
Man of my word

 

[Axum Ezana]

nikkas need to understand that most people aint even with their number 1 choice for a mate anyways. then coupled with the problems that you face...shyt aint hard to figure out.

the man might be in there for great sex...but the sex has gotten boring. the woman might be there for money...but its gone.

like others have said. people are not going in these relationships for "love". now they will lie to make themselves look good. but in the end it was just superficial and once the superficial runs out. they dip.





and whats with all the upper hand stuff people been spouting lately regarding in marriage? women been getting perks of divorce in America along time now bruh.

 

[swimmingpools]

I tell you this
When a man commits to his women/wife
He only has to say it once and he means it

That's why they say
Man of my word

In a perfect world.

 

[Sandy_Cheeks]

I'm pretty sure that 90% of the responders did not read the entire thing.
But I did.

Interesting piece.
I've never heard of Randi Gunther.

According to her bio she's been a marriage counselor for 40 years.

The trend of men becoming more...."emotionally available" over the last few decades is probably true.
Whether this is a situation of women getting what they wanted and not being happy with the results....well I think women have to answer that for themselves.

I read it too. I believe the the real issue is people creating egalitarian marriages where the gender roles and expectations are blurred. You have more men operating in more nurturing type qualities, and more women operating in more challenging type qualities. when a husband is becoming more nurturing, compassionate, etc, it's hard for the wife to respect his "leadership" capability and role. I agree with the article that these androgynous men are sol because women want the bad boy that excites them, but also the nice guy that makes them feel loved. They leave one for the other thinking they will be fulfilled and it never happens. Ultimately, you can't have both.

I agree with you on not liking their results. The idea of marriage, roles, expectations, etc has changed so much in the last 30 yrs, and I honestly think most are confused as to what they really want because marriage isn't be what it used to be .

 

[Youseenmywork]

I read it too. I believe the the real issue is people creating egalitarian marriages where the gender roles and expectations are blurred. You have more men operating in more nurturing type qualities, and more women operating in more challenging type qualities. when a husband is becoming more nurturing, compassionate, etc, it's hard for the wife to respect his "leadership" capability and role. I agree with the article that these androgynous men are sol because women want the bad boy that excites them, but also the nice guy that makes them feel loved. They leave one for the other thinking they will be fulfilled and it never happens. Ultimately, you can't have both.

I have too much to say about what you said but im come back to this im gather my thoughts . I dont believe that women should be ....nvm . Later thoe much later

 

[Sandy_Cheeks]

I have too much to say about what you said but im come back to this im gather my thoughts . I dont believe that women should be ....nvm . Later thoe much later

Ok

 

[Axum Ezana]

I read it too. I believe the the real issue is people creating egalitarian marriages where the gender roles and expectations are blurred. You have more men operating in more nurturing type qualities, and more women operating in more challenging type qualities. when a husband is becoming more nurturing, compassionate, etc, it's hard for the wife to respect his "leadership" capability and role. I agree with the article that these androgynous men are sol because women want the bad boy that excites them, but also the nice guy that makes them feel loved. They leave one for the other thinking they will be fulfilled and it never happens. Ultimately, you can't have both.

I agree with you on not liking their results. The idea of marriage, roles, expectations, etc has changed so much in the last 30 yrs, and I honestly think most are confused as to what they really want because marriage isn't be what it used to be .

how many modern wives are thinking like this? I see a lot we are equal now. so why would these modern women have to respect a role that they supposedly don't believe in that men have.

hard for me to understand how some women switch in and out on the feminist equal right tip. makes me think its a game to benefit at certain times and not coming from the heart.

 

[Sandy_Cheeks]

how many modern wives are thinking like this? I see a lot we are equal now. so why would these modern women have to respect a role that they supposedly don't believe in that men have.

hard for me to understand how some women switch in and out on the feminist equal right tip. makes me think its a game to benefit at certain times and not coming from the heart.

I completely agree. I think it's difficult because equality in everything (especially in relationships) isn't always the best thing. I know that "having it all" in anything is unrealistic, but many women think that they can and should in everything, especially relationships. My thing is marriage isn't meant to give people all of this happiness and fulfillment. For the wives that are expecting that from either a nurturing husband or a husband that is more traditional in his role, they are going to end up disappointed in both.

Thats why I say people need to re-examine their expectations because they are usually unrealistic. Whatever kind of husband a woman wants, there is always a trade off.