Why you degenerates never put a Breh on attachment styles?

[Art Barr]

If you still living your life by simp shackled high fidelity based self reflection. You will lose.
Never go high fidelity. Wondering why a female don't want you.
Or self internalizing rejection.

Learn to grow.

Leave the pondering simp shyt for John cusack in high fidelity.

Never worry about what a past suitor thinks of you.
That you get sent off.
like john cusack soul searching.
internalizing what happened.
Save that shyt.
for watching on the make believe Hollywood silver screen.



Art Barr

 

[Art Barr]

Exactly.


Was gonna refute that and soulja boy tellem that, “naw, its not bullshiit.”


When i learned that i was anxiously, subconsciously and unhealthily attaching myself to my partners (due to my mom not being around during my adolescents), i seeked for affection and attention from women. That made me codependent like a mothafukka (and this followed me into my 40s!)


But due to the coli/youtubes, and understanding my traumas and bonding type, i now check myself before shiit hits the fan.


Shiit like this is important as a mothafukka.


Wish i would have known shiit like this (along with healing, boundaries, etc). before covid.



Man, came a long way in the last 5 years. Found out more aboot myself in that time than i did my entire life.

This.

You are who you create.

Self is not some shadow lost in the woods.
That you have to seek and find.
There is no finding yourself.

You are who you create.

Art Barr

 

[Rozay Oro]

Exactly.


Was gonna refute that and soulja boy tellem that, “naw, its not bullshiit.”


When i learned that i was anxiously, subconsciously and unhealthily attaching myself to my partners (due to my mom not being around during my adolescents), i seeked for affection and attention from women. That made me codependent like a mothafukka (and this followed me into my 40s!)


But due to the coli/youtubes, and understanding my traumas and bonding type, i now check myself before shiit hits the fan.


Shiit like this is important as a mothafukka.


Wish i would have known shiit like this (along with healing, boundaries, etc). before covid.



Man, came a long way in the last 5 years. Found out more aboot myself in that time than i did my entire life.

Oh shyt. I recently got the book Facing Codependency

 

[Ohene]

Would you say that the modern dating experience is providing people experiences that turn them into avoidants? Or are there just this many people with fukked up childhoods that made them this way?

The modern experience is to blame

Anything other than avoidant behavior comes across as clingy or too serious in the current climate and scares ppl away

 

[Jazzy B.]

Exactly.


Was gonna refute that and soulja boy tellem that, “naw, its not bullshiit.”


When i learned that i was anxiously, subconsciously and unhealthily attaching myself to my partners (due to my mom not being around during my adolescents), i seeked for affection and attention from women. That made me codependent like a mothafukka (and this followed me into my 40s!)


But due to the coli/youtubes, and understanding my traumas and bonding type, i now check myself before shiit hits the fan.


Shiit like this is important as a mothafukka.


Wish i would have known shiit like this (along with healing, boundaries, etc). before covid.



Man, came a long way in the last 5 years. Found out more aboot myself in that time than i did my entire life.

It IS bullshyt.

Saying a woman is an “avoidant” is a man saying “she a bytch and treats me badly. But I still want her and DO NOT value myself as a man so I will make excuses for her actions”

 

[Gloxina]

This thread

 

[Rozay Oro]

This thread

shyt is crazy brehette. I need to find a secure attached woman

 

[Rozay Oro]

Exactly.


Was gonna refute that and soulja boy tellem that, “naw, its not bullshiit.”


When i learned that i was anxiously, subconsciously and unhealthily attaching myself to my partners (due to my mom not being around during my adolescents), i seeked for affection and attention from women. That made me codependent like a mothafukka (and this followed me into my 40s!)


But due to the coli/youtubes, and understanding my traumas and bonding type, i now check myself before shiit hits the fan.


Shiit like this is important as a mothafukka.


Wish i would have known shiit like this (along with healing, boundaries, etc). before covid.



Man, came a long way in the last 5 years. Found out more aboot myself in that time than i did my entire life.

What books helped you?

 

[Stir Fry]

Exactly.


Was gonna refute that and soulja boy tellem that, “naw, its not bullshiit.”


When i learned that i was anxiously, subconsciously and unhealthily attaching myself to my partners (due to my mom not being around during my adolescents), i seeked for affection and attention from women. That made me codependent like a mothafukka (and this followed me into my 40s!)


But due to the coli/youtubes, and understanding my traumas and bonding type, i now check myself before shiit hits the fan.


Shiit like this is important as a mothafukka.


Wish i would have known shiit like this (along with healing, boundaries, etc). before covid.



Man, came a long way in the last 5 years. Found out more aboot myself in that time than i did my entire life.

Oh shyt. I recently got the book Facing Codependency

The author of the shadow workbook also has one on codependency whish is really good. I'd still recommend going through the first one on shadow work first though.

Codependency Recovery Workbook: Step-by-Step Guide to Overcome Fear of Abandonment, Stop People Pleasing, Set Strong Boundaries, and Develop Healthy Relationships by Restoring Self-Worth & Self-Love

 

[Stir Fry]

shyt is crazy brehette. I need to find a secure attached woman

Become secure in yourself first and foremost and the rest will follow once you set the example for it.

 

[trap101-ETHout-Allegri-In]

Would you say that the modern dating experience is providing people experiences that turn them into avoidants? Or are there just this many people with fukked up childhoods that made them this way?

The modern experience is to blame

Anything other than avoidant behavior comes across as clingy or too serious in the current climate and scares ppl away

I push back specifically of this being a "modern" phenomena. What has changed from the past however far back you want to go until now is that now we have the "language" to communicate and distill these ideas. There are only so many spectrums of behaviour we can be on. Previously we just didn't know how to describe these "feelings" or notions concretely.

 

[Rozay Oro]

Become secure in yourself first and foremost and the rest will follow once you set the example for it.

How long will that take?

 

[Stir Fry]

How long will that take?

For me it took a couple months after discovering those specific books, but I had already been doing a lot of heavy internal work on myself a couple months prior to it as well due to going through a somewhat rough patch in my marriage. My relationship with wife wife is so much better now, that it is unbelievable. I always thought that we were solid, but we're on a whole different level now. She is being much more agreeable and flexible as well now too due to me changing my approach to the relationship, and no longer letting my frustration and attitude get the best of me. I also read up and studied about how to me more empathetic toward others. I've always been a very sympathetic person, but often lacked empathy for others.

 

[Doin2Much Williams]

What books helped you?

Youtube and the coli breh.



Aint read a whole book since elementary school (even then i skimmed).



But healing and working hard to understand why i was also sabotaging my relationship prompted me to look further; so i did the necessary research, asked a lot of question w fellow posters, friends/family in real life that have gone thru therapy (im too cheap to pay for it, lol)… but 90’percent was the self help stuff on YT. That shiit was a god send.


U just really have to pay attention and self medicate with the right information (that resonates w you) and insight. So i went thru a time of no relationships and self discovery from jan-june of this year.


Went back to work the fIrst week of July and at the same time, met a beautiful woman at a pre 4th of july cookout and started hitting it off that night. We been dating ever since and i gotta be honest this is the healthiest and most mature relationship ive ever been in (its obviously still in its infantile stages but im taking it very slow to vet the shiit out of her).


Mind you, i havent been in a relationship since 2022 (before that was 2020, then 2018, and a 5 year that went from 2012-2017… they all ended bad… and all cuz of my selfish, immature, insecure and idiotic ass).

Nonetheless, the point is even w all the extra attention and affection she been showering me w, i have to check myself and not allow my brain to go into heavy bliss/love mode. If she bounced tomorrow, i know i wont be all up in arms and shoulders, crying to my homeboys about it.



If she in my life, and we work out, cool. If not, i go back to my hobbies, friends, stay busy w work and gym and continue making mixtapes (im still doing that anyway, but now that i have female companionship again… i just have less time).



Im really proud of how far along ive come. This is great man.



Hope the same to you, lil broham.



Much love to you and your mental health.



.

 

[Rozay Oro]

For me it took a couple months after discovering those specific books, but I had already been doing a lot of heavy internal work on myself a couple months prior to it as well due to going through a somewhat rough patch in my marriage. My relationship with wife wife is so much better now, that it is unbelievable. I always thought that we were solid, but we're on a whole different level now. She is being much more agreeable and flexible as well now too due to me changing my approach to the relationship, and no longer letting my frustration and attitude get the best of me. I also read up and studied about how to me more empathetic toward others. I've always been a very sympathetic person, but often lacked empathy for others.

Thanks