You shouldn't marry the woman you love the most.

[The ADD]

I cant count how many times my father told me this

".. see that woman you love. THe woman you are madly in love with. The one you yearn for and would give your life for? Dont you EVER, and i repeat DONT YOU EVER marry her. EVER!!!!. I know you probably wont fukkin listen. But trust me you'll remember you and I had this conversation. Mark my words."

This was drilled into my head over and over again. But thruth is... im a lover. I love with passion. I NEED someone im passionate about

Not trying to be a jackass but essentially he loved someone else more than your mom?

 

[1thouwow]

Makes me wonder. I loved my ex to death, still do actually. But the girl I'm with now is just better in every way conceivable. I just don't see my self loving her the same, despite the fact that our relationship is going great.

I was in the same predicament as you. I ended it a few months ago, though. She was literally perfect for me, but that bliss love was not there.

 

[threattonature]

I think this is the most astute way of looking at it. I don't believe there's anything wrong with marrying the love of your life...if that person makes sense as a life partner. If anything, that's ideal. The issue is people marrying someone for being being the love of their life regardless of all the other things that make a marriage work over the long haul.

For some reason people seem to fall hardest for people that are not the best for them. I know The Coli likes to put this on women but men do this just as much. You can love someone with all your heart, feel things for them that you never have or will feel for someone else, be so caught up with that person that they make you go crazy....but that doesn't mean that they are the best fit for you. And that's the rough part about dating and relationships.

Dude loves the chick that uses him for money, flirts with his homies and leaves him for the love of her life. Chick loves the dude that cheats on her, uses her as a sponsor and never claims her. Round and round we go.

Peace

This is the key. What the grandpa should've said was always try to view things from a rational perspective. If you have a great woman that also makes sense then you marry her even if you are crazy in love with her. I've cut off some exes because while I was crazy in love I also realized they weren't good for me in the long term since they didn't have shyt going for themselves and I had bigger goals long term than them. In any relationship I take a step back and try to value how they feel about family, saving money, stability in their relationships with their friends and family. If I see their shyt doesn't line up with mine I get out early now.

 

[Easy-E]

Well I guess for female it would be a case of don't marry the guy you love the most or the one you are attracted to the most. Marry the one who would be best suited to provide for you and your children.

Shoe on the other foot what's your reaction?

I'd rather not be married than have a husband with another woman in his heart. What kind of BS arrangement is it, so offensive.

Let me put to someone that doesnt know me;

I'm no romantic and I've seen how emotions and "passion" ruins regular relationships.

That tingle only last for three years...you got about 37 years to go (lookin at average lifespan v marriage age).

So, to decide a whole marriage based off how great the first three yrs will be when all marriages gonna get "boring" isn't wise IMO.

All that "love" stuff gets drown by bills, family, kids, "life," etc.

I think it's unrealistic to expect life to go smooth enough to keep the fire between two ppl.

 

[Rawtid]

Not trying to be a jackass but essentially he loved someone else more than your mom?

Not more, just differently. We all have levels to love. There are things you would do for your mother, that you wouldn't do for your aunt. Doesn't mean you love your aunt less if that makes sense.

 

[Ashley Banks]

She doesn't do everything right. Just has a pure heart.

I wouldn't call it trashing her as much as it would be letting her go to find someone who wants her like she wants me.

There's just no crazy in love feeling.

well of course YOU wouldn't call it trashing her. lol no one ever wants to admit they're the bad guy.

but think about she's going to feel, she loves you and does all the things you just said to make you happy but you still don't love her like you loved your ex who didn't try as hard. she's gonna feel like shyt.

 

[Ms.CuriousCat]

Let me put to someone that doesnt know me;

I'm no romantic and I've seen how emotions and "passion" ruins regular relationships.

That tingle only last for three years...you got about 37 years to go (lookin at average lifespan v marriage age).

So, to decide a whole marriage based off how great the first three yrs will be when all marriages gonna get "boring" isn't wise IMO.

All that "love" stuff gets drown by bills, family, kids, "life," etc.

I think it's unrealistic to expect life to go smooth enough to keep the fire between two ppl.

But that's not what this thread is about. What OP said was, when you really love someone, don't marry them. Instead marry the one you love a little less.

Isn't that setting yourself up for failure? Or are you looking at it from the other angle, that since you weren't that heavily invested you already knew it would be a lot like work so you are prepared to be miserable from the beginning?

 

[The Mad Titan]

Not more, just differently. We all have levels to love. There are things you would do for your mother, that you wouldn't do for your aunt. Doesn't mean you love your aunt less if that makes sense.

I'ma disagree.

But I feel where you coming from, I think certain people mesh better than others and certain experiences and personalities let you love other more intensely than others.

 

[intruder]

Not trying to be a jackass but essentially he loved someone else more than your mom?

That i cant tell for sure. But wouldnt surprise me. My mom could have been the one he loved and he married her and regretted it. But i have the feeling my mom could also be the one he didnt love and married her while loving another. Who knows.

I know this chick named Martha he was always closed to. When i lived with him after the separation she would come by to see him and even brought us food she cooked at home sometimes. Look , now that im grown i look back and am beginning to understand him more and more. All these so called "friends" of his could have easilly been jump-offs or women he had relationships with.

We all know he fukked other chicks while married to my mom. One of them was a chick that used to work for my mom... had a baby from it. There is another one i suspect he fukked now that i think about it who was a friend of of my. Her and my mom are still friends even tho they havent talked in a while. My mom always trying to reach out to her when we go to Haiti

 

[Dirty Mcdrawz]

I was talking with my grandfather the other day and he was telling me I was getting to that age where I need to start preparing to marry a woman. I told him I have a girl I'm thinking about (we most likely will get married anyway).

Then he asked me if I have ever loved any woman more than her. Yes I have. No lie, I was madly in love with my ex.

He told me that not marrying my ex was the best decision. His words were something like (paraphrasing)...

"Don't ever marry a woman you are crazy in love with, rather find a woman that makes sense with you from a business standpoint. Does she fill your gaps and do you fill hers? Are you getting more or less back than what you are putting forth? Marriage is a business. Nobody loves their actual job, they just love what they get from it. A woman you are crazy in love with can blind you from seeing what's real. Don't think that the love is the most important, because whether you want to admit it or not, unless bound by blood, love fades. Your grandmother wasn't my first love or the woman I loved the most, but we made sense."

They have been married for 50+ years.

Do y'all agree?

No my parents known each other since diapers and been together since high school. They've been married for 35 years....

 

[The ADD]

Not more, just differently. We all have levels to love. There are things you would do for your mother, that you wouldn't do for your aunt. Doesn't mean you love your aunt less if that makes sense.

I don't disagree but relative to the OP that doesn't seem to be the sentiment.

 

[mcdivit85]

This thread is funny because I see A LOT of Coli hypocrisy in here

Dudes make thread after thread about women dating/marrying for reasons besides being madly in love with their dude. For choosing men whom they consider smart choices for the future, not necessarily men they are the most attracted to or love the most. Men whom would not be their first choice if all things were equal.

But then, the women who do choose to be with men who are their top choice are clowned. And those women are castigated and made to look dumb for not dating/marrying practically. For choosing the men they were most attracted to and most "in love" with. Namely, for choosing those men over the Coli dudes.

Some Coli dudes looking funny

Peace

 

[The Mad Titan]

As for not marrying the chick or guy you love the most, thats hustling backwards.


Its easier because love is hard, you do stupid stuff, irrational stuff and when your feelings get hurt they get hurt hard.


If you messing with someone that you essentially know you don't care for like you can potentially its easier to deal with.

"she act up I love her but I dont love her"




People low key do this all the time and dont realize it, especially women. They pass up on great dudes because they are "too good" and they feel

 

[Diyhai]

People low key do this all the time and dont realize it, especially women. They pass up on great dudes because they are "too good" and they feel

What u mean by this?
I dont see women do this
I see them say someone is too nice thats about it

 

[the cool]

Where's that thread old black people give the worst advice