Can we discuss Mental Illness?

[GoGetMyDamnBelt_]

My heart goes out to you and everyone else who experiences this. I just want you to know that you aren't crazy and nothing is wrong with you. I admire your strength and resilience greatly.

I shared my story in another thread, I confronted everyone I wanted and doing much better now.

You think you can find that thread and reshare it? I would like to read it.

 

[4North1Side2]

You think you can find that thread and reshare it? I would like to read it.

http://www.thecoli.com/threads/share-your-struggle-story.347720/page-2#post-16336667

My posts are at the very end of the thread.

 

[4North1Side2]

@Leissyondabrain didn't want to rewrite everything but I did tell my story a few months back. Here it is.







Been dealing with depression since 8 and it looks like it gets worse with age. 3 weeks ago I was discharged from the hospital after being there for 2 weeks for suicide attempt. It wasn't my first attempt. I hate when people that don't understand try to criticize like "there's other options" or "people that tries that are stupid." Depression is no fukking joke. It causes nothing but destruction on yourself and your peers.... I start my therapy sessions on the 30th. Hopefully, I like this person.

This is infuriating! Your mother failed you majorly and does not deserve to be called the title Mom. It was never your fault and you didn't do anything to make them grown disgusting men touch you. You were just a kid being a fukking kid. Wow, even at such a young age, you was full of courage and bravery as you still are. I know it sucks going thru life where it feels that nobody has your back or your best interest in mind but I do, if you ever want a listening ear, I'm available.

 

[Tenchi Ryu]

Yea, legit getting furious reading that stuff @SweetDelightxx, probably heard it a bunch of times, but no one should have had to go through that. But I'm glad whatever happened happened a couple weeks ago that made you not go through with the suicide.

Hugging through the screen.



Would like to continue reading this thread though, I've always been interested in wanting to be a shoulder to lean on for people who have their personal battles like this, but never really knew how to come off, didn't want to accidentally trigger certain memories, cause everyone is different. So I just like to listen and take suggestions on how I should I support one in this situation.

 

[GoGetMyDamnBelt_]

This is infuriating! Your mother failed you majorly and does not deserve to be called the title Mom. It was never your fault and you didn't do anything to make them grown disgusting men touch you. You were just a kid being a fukking kid. Wow, even at such a young age, you was full of courage and bravery as you still are. I know it sucks going thru life where it feels that nobody has your back or your best interest in mind but I do, if you ever want a listening ear, I'm available.

I've been told to not let the past overpower me but I think it's way too late. The depression was the stepping stone into my own destruction. Before I got married, whenever I had sex, I use to shame myself, belittle myself so much after the deed was done because, to be honest, I hated sex. I was disgusted by it. But it made me so angry that it's what my body craved. Like I'm some damn addict. Like someone who's addicted to drugs and they know it's terribly wrong but they can't stop because that's all they know. That needle, that powder, it's all they know.

Ever met a person that hated sex but continued to do it anyways?

Those experiences confused me about my sexuality for so long. I think it still does. That confusion placed me in bad relationships. Want to know the main reason I got married? Because my husband was the only man I could sleep with comfortably with no shame involved. I don't know why but the fact that he brought that comfortability out of me, I wanted him to stay with me. And I disguised that comfortability with love. I didn't realize that until recently, 3 years into my marriage. Looking back on it, the marriage started off wrong because of my reasoning only and it's caused damages. Right now, he wants to stick around and work on us when I believe we should just divorce and let me work on me. As of recently, he vowed he wants to work on me with me as well. As I've said previously, I have my first therapist appointment on the 30th. He wants to come along and be there.

Those childhood experiences made me develop horrible communication skills that I am trying very hard to work on. A lot of mistakes and misunderstandings has happened simply because I don't know how to communicate properly. And with that, I get accustomed to not speaking at all. Without speaking, I overthink. I succumb to the battlefield of my mind and it tears me up. Again, I've been told to not let my past overpower me but I can't! I can't cannot think about it! And to add fuel to that 10+ year old burning fire, my current troubles and responsibilities are now add ons. Finances, this battle with my husband, school, work. I just wanted a break. I feel trapped all the time. I try motivating myself, I really try to but I can't. I lose everytime I try. Offing myself always seemed like a better solution to me. It would be the only way to silence my mind and not have me hurt anymore.

 

[GoGetMyDamnBelt_]

Yea, legit getting furious reading that stuff @SweetDelightxx, probably heard it a bunch of times, but no one should have had to go through that. But I'm glad whatever happened happened a couple weeks ago that made you not go through with the suicide.

Hugging through the screen.



Would like to continue reading this thread though, I've always been interested in wanting to be a shoulder to lean on for people who have their personal battles like this, but never really knew how to come off, didn't want to accidentally trigger certain memories, cause everyone is different. So I just like to listen and take suggestions on how I should I support one in this situation.

Sorry, snuckums.

 

[Tenchi Ryu]

Sorry, snuckums.

Nah not at you, at them. Just hearing how fukked up people are in this world to people who don't deserve any of it. And its a lot of them. But I think I told you once before that your story has parallels to my mother and grandmother, just never got as far as actual rape. But a lot of his shyt had alcohol involved. One point it got to a point where she took him to court over some minor dispute, and my grandmother actually went against her own child in the courtroom to defend him, the drunk b*stard. Still something my mom can't really let go.

 

[GoGetMyDamnBelt_]

Nah not at you, at them. Just hearing how fukked up people are in this world to people who don't deserve any of it. And its a lot of them. But I think I told you once before that your story has parallels to my mother and grandmother, just never got as far as actual rape. But a lot of his shyt had alcohol involved. One point it got to a point where she took him to court over some minor dispute, and my grandmother actually went against her own child in the courtroom to defend him, the drunk b*stard. Still something my mom can't really let go.

Whoa, the fukk? Even with my own issues, it still amazes me and saddens me at the same time hearing other people stories. The conflicted feelings your mom must feel towards your grandma, I bet it's a real mess. I can relate to that 100%. Oh, and yes, you did tell me briefly about your mom and grandma history.

 

[Tenchi Ryu]

Whoa, the fukk? Even with my own issues, it still amazes me and saddens me at the same time hearing other people stories. The conflicted feelings your mom must feel towards your grandma, I bet it's a real mess. I can relate to that 100%. Oh, and yes, you did tell me briefly about your mom and grandma history.

When/If you ever have kids, you might see a weird dynamic happen. For such the bad relationship they had growing up, I only know her as one of the sweetest people I've ever known, the same woman I heard all this terrible stuff about. My mother once told me she feels that the softer relationship my grandmother had with my little brother and I was her way of rectifying the wrongs she did without actually having to confront them, cause she's a terribly stubborn woman. I'd go so far to say that them two raising me due to her being a single mom might have been a major bridge so to speak to at least somewhat repairing their relationship.

I think I remember you saying that even with the issues, you still speak to your mom. So just something to look for is to see if she takes a huge interest in raising your kids, maybe that might be her way of stubbornly knowing she did wrong and at least doing something to fix it.

 

[GoGetMyDamnBelt_]

When/If you ever have kids, you might see a weird dynamic happen. For such the bad relationship they had growing up, I only know her as one of the sweetest people I've ever known, the same woman I heard all this terrible stuff about. My mother once told me she feels that the softer relationship my grandmother had with my little brother and I was her way of rectifying the wrongs she did without actually having to confront them, cause she's a terribly stubborn woman. I'd go so far to say that them two raising me due to her being a single mom might have been a major bridge so to speak to at least somewhat repairing their relationship.

I think I remember you saying that even with the issues, you still speak to your mom. So just something to look for is to see if she takes a huge interest in raising your kids, maybe that might be her way of stubbornly knowing she did wrong and at least doing something to fix it.

I already told her I would never leave her alone with my future kids. There's no question about that.

Her way of showing she did wrong and trying to make up for it without saying so is being there for me financially. I can recall 3 incidents, since moving out of her house at 17, when I was short on something in my household and she spot me with no question. Something she never did for me as a child under her care. A woman who was getting unemployment checks, disability checks from both my brothers and TRIED with me for my depression but I didn't give in to the doctors wanting to medicate me, my father's will money that dried up when I turned 18 and I never saw a penny of, the child support checks, she was on all and every government assistance program (Section 8, Food Stamps, Medicaid, etc), she was getting money from her place of employment for winning a lawsuit over them. My mom was unemployed for 10 years and living off all that money but my siblings and I never see it been put towards us. The clothes on our backs, hand-me-downs from family members, my hair and my sisters's hair never had a comb pass through it, never taught me about hygiene and such so I was bullied pretty badly from elementary up until my 9th grade year. But every dime my mom was collecting sure enough was going to whoever nikka she was keeping company at the time. So, now, if I need it, she's quick to give it. I know she thinks that's her way of apologizing when really... all I want is for her to say it.

 

[WaveGang]

I also got ptsd and pure o

 

[Tenchi Ryu]

So, now, if I need it, she's quick to give it. I know she thinks that's her way of apologizing when really... all I want is for her to say it.

It's usually the simplest solution that's made more difficult than it should be. And someone who's stubborn will take it to their deathbed, its sad but sometimes you just gotta accept that's the reality of the situation. So then you decide if you're willing to accept her form of guilt even though its not what you're looking for.

 

[GoGetMyDamnBelt_]

It's usually the simplest solution that's made more difficult than it should be. And someone who's stubborn will take it to their deathbed, its sad but sometimes you just gotta accept that's the reality of the situation. So then you decide if you're willing to accept her form of guilt even though its not what you're looking for.

Nah, she can keep that shyt

 

[Tenchi Ryu]

Nah, she can keep that shyt

Yea its usually not a good idea to keep a phoney level of support if its not what you need. Better to just cut the loss, even when its family.

 

[Farrinto]

My mom has Bipolar 2 and PTSD from a very rough upbringing. She got diagnosed when I was a teen and it crushed me. She told me that it made her feel like she wasn't a human when she got diagnosed. She takes meds though and she's fine but sometimes when her meds would run out, she would go through withdrawals and that was horrible to see. I anyone who gets help, especially black because it's kind of unspoken in the community