I try so hard to be "normal" I mean I dress the part, speak the part, do "normal" shyt but Its a internal fight. Im not normal but to function I have to pretend and blend in with everybody.
Im conflicted. Like the I'll be in Walmart shopping and some old white lady with smile and in my mind reads it like "If it wasn't for police protection and the legal system Id knocked this bytch over the fukking head and take her purse and be the savage she really think I'am"
Or ill be at Dennys picking up my online order. Being normal, being cool. Being charming and non threatening to the young server but thinking " Damn I want to tie this bytch up and stuff a sock in her mouth pee on her and get peed on and have kinky sex"
Im a complex man. But society is structured so you have to play the game and really be fake. U know being real can make u homeless. Everything is about power and making ppl feel they're in control over u. U have to submit to survive. Its sad if you're not naturally that type.
I try to fight my thoughts and be cool like fonzi, normal as shyt but in reality im not normal. I think i would do good in the 70s when u could be a dark cigarette smoking xxx theater masturbator but still work your job and have a family at home. But this era killed the nutjob harmless dirtbag personality. everything is heavily scrutinized and watched. Social media got us on eggshells to.
I have no place in this society as a creative type. I gotta network, make friends, be PC, to survive out here man. Do you know how hard it is to lie to y'all nikkas and pretend to like y'all for guy like me mentally? im a INTJ which is super rare. This is a curse . I'm fukking stuck, always been since birth. But the catch is im human and want friends. I don't wanna go to see WWE alone. So I'm going to have to pay for nikkas to go with me and im going to have to treat them nice and not say mean shyt. I need companionship. If I had the money Id pay for some of y'all to be my friends. Pathetic I know but im not a likable person unless I keep my mouth shut.
my old cac teacher is into the typical phony white thing "hey guy" "hey buddy" and I gotta do it back. At one time I would refuse to play that game but I gotta eat and make a living right?
All i can do is keep my mouth shut out here, be stoic and just work. People with so called "eccentric" blunt personalities are dead. You can make bad blood and up poor. I was once so passionate, unfiltered and could talk shyt like no other. Not im just a quiet calm man that smiles and nods. its a interesting place to be
No more late night creative sessions creating fly shyt. I gotta be structured and organized. I guess its so called adulthood.
I'm just existing out here man. its weird. I'm not sad or nothing just stoic. I guess ill just make money, go to work, pay bills..hopefully somebody will love me and ill just die. Sometimes I wished a nikka would just smoke me just so I don't have to grow old and live like this for another 50 years. shyt is so hard man
its a weird place to be but I've accepted it.
To The Coli your favorite Doctor is forced to grow up. Like go to bed at 8 pm and wake up at 5am, kiss my teacher ass, kiss the staff ass. get my job, be on time, be professional and save my money I can economically stable grow up
Do yall not how hard that is for somebody that was born to create? Im basically a robot now.
But DrX is growing up. Hes an adult now. I want y'all to knowledge my sacrifice tho. I'm killing myself to fit into y'all society. remember that. I'm like a "Get Out" nikka. Smile on the outside with tears falling out my eyes. thats me noe
I'm out yall. Throw DrX thread since y'all want that old school introspective shyt.
Im conflicted. Like the I'll be in Walmart shopping and some old white lady with smile and in my mind reads it like "If it wasn't for police protection and the legal system Id knocked this bytch over the fukking head and take her purse and be the savage she really think I'am"
Or ill be at Dennys picking up my online order. Being normal, being cool. Being charming and non threatening to the young server but thinking " Damn I want to tie this bytch up and stuff a sock in her mouth pee on her and get peed on and have kinky sex"
Im a complex man. But society is structured so you have to play the game and really be fake. U know being real can make u homeless. Everything is about power and making ppl feel they're in control over u. U have to submit to survive. Its sad if you're not naturally that type.
I try to fight my thoughts and be cool like fonzi, normal as shyt but in reality im not normal. I think i would do good in the 70s when u could be a dark cigarette smoking xxx theater masturbator but still work your job and have a family at home. But this era killed the nutjob harmless dirtbag personality. everything is heavily scrutinized and watched. Social media got us on eggshells to.
I have no place in this society as a creative type. I gotta network, make friends, be PC, to survive out here man. Do you know how hard it is to lie to y'all nikkas and pretend to like y'all for guy like me mentally? im a INTJ which is super rare. This is a curse . I'm fukking stuck, always been since birth. But the catch is im human and want friends. I don't wanna go to see WWE alone. So I'm going to have to pay for nikkas to go with me and im going to have to treat them nice and not say mean shyt. I need companionship. If I had the money Id pay for some of y'all to be my friends. Pathetic I know but im not a likable person unless I keep my mouth shut.
my old cac teacher is into the typical phony white thing "hey guy" "hey buddy" and I gotta do it back. At one time I would refuse to play that game but I gotta eat and make a living right?
All i can do is keep my mouth shut out here, be stoic and just work. People with so called "eccentric" blunt personalities are dead. You can make bad blood and up poor. I was once so passionate, unfiltered and could talk shyt like no other. Not im just a quiet calm man that smiles and nods. its a interesting place to be
No more late night creative sessions creating fly shyt. I gotta be structured and organized. I guess its so called adulthood.
I'm just existing out here man. its weird. I'm not sad or nothing just stoic. I guess ill just make money, go to work, pay bills..hopefully somebody will love me and ill just die. Sometimes I wished a nikka would just smoke me just so I don't have to grow old and live like this for another 50 years. shyt is so hard man
its a weird place to be but I've accepted it.
To The Coli your favorite Doctor is forced to grow up. Like go to bed at 8 pm and wake up at 5am, kiss my teacher ass, kiss the staff ass. get my job, be on time, be professional and save my money I can economically stable grow up
Do yall not how hard that is for somebody that was born to create? Im basically a robot now.
But DrX is growing up. Hes an adult now. I want y'all to knowledge my sacrifice tho. I'm killing myself to fit into y'all society. remember that. I'm like a "Get Out" nikka. Smile on the outside with tears falling out my eyes. thats me noe
I'm out yall. Throw DrX thread since y'all want that old school introspective shyt.
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woah.i hope this a troll job.
