I've come to realize that, as a handsome young brotha entering his prime (early 30s), a lot of sistas seem intimidated by me...

[O.G.B]

To be clear, when I say 'intimidated,' I'm not talking about finances, lifestyles, etc., but rather emotionally, as my love seems to be too much for them to handle.

An observation I've made is that showing too much love, affection, and interest towards many sistas seems to push them further away rather than bringing them closer to you. Now obviously, not every sista is this way. I've come across many who appreciate the gesture, but I've also encountered many who are drawn to the sentiments, only to suddenly withdraw and distance themselves.

You wouldn't believe how many times in my life it seems like my love becomes too much for them to handle. Now, to be clear, I'm not “love bombing” or anything extreme like that, but rather being myself; y'know, a decent understanding, compassionate, loving, and supportive young brotha. But a segment of sistas I've encountered in the dating world seems to be intimidated by that. I don't believe I'm coming off too strong; just a man with a lot of passionate thoughts.

See, I've been fortunate enough to avoid becoming traumatized by past relationship woes, and whatnot, compared to, unfortunately, much of our brothas and sistas who have endured physical and emotional abuse from the hands of sadly, some of our own, so I can't exactly understand what's going on in their heads when I'm showing them love and affection.

A lot of sistas, due to the aforementioned issues, are not used to a brotha who is naturally loving, affectionate, and compassionate; y'know, being loved properly, so whenever a brotha is those things, it scares them.

Has Black romance gotten that bad where being a normal, loving, affectionate, etc., individual (especially as a man) is a red flag? Is that where we're at as a community now? Where only dysfunctional romance is seen as “the way”.

Yup! Many BW today (young & old) are emotionally/romantically "dysfunctional" & it's somewhat tied to the single "independent" BW phenomenon along with the hood/drug culture in our community.

 

[#1 pick]

No one is intimidated by you. You just haven't found anyone close to compatible

 

[Ahadi]

I don’t think it’s that women are “intimidated by love”, Sometimes what feels like natural affection to you might come off as too much, too soon to someone else. Tbh it can actually come across as low masculine energy. You should be letting things build up, move slowly, have your own life. Treat them like cats.

Cause that also gives women the “ick”. Especially in 2026, they need to be banging to get into your restaurant, you shouldn’t be over promoting / marketing.

 

[Ahadi]

Tbh it also might be overall lack of interest.

 

[Gloxina]

Those are women that are used to getting treated like shyt and have normalized liking men that are like that. I think maybe you should broaden your horizons.

I mean the main takeaway is you're better off dealing with emotionally stable women that are used to healthy relationships

Don't deal with broads that still have emotional trauma they haven't gotten over.

What is the sample size here? Are you getting that deep where it’s “love” with that many women?

/thread

 

[WIA20XX]

You're probably in the top 10-20% of all men.

I am you. Most of The Coli is you.

But attractive chicks get 100s of online offers and lots of offers in real life, on the daily.

Whatever you think you're bringing with those paper stats - she can get that in spades.

Maybe statistically you're rare, but to her you're just another guy with a 750 credit score.

So you hit these broads with all your "high value" but fail to move the needle when it comes to what she really wants.

If the chick isn't mentally and emotionally engaged with you, none of the paper stats matter. Being marriage minded, being nice, being in shape, dressing well, hella hoes jocking, bringing home the bacon - it just doesn't matter if the chick that you want isn't feeling you.

When you talk with these females do they want to keep talking to you, can't wait to see you, remembering stuff you barely mention and trying to impress you with it and all that jazz?

That's the foundation of everything, be it short term or long term. She's gotta to want to be with you, straight up.

If she's not giving you all that, she's not actually interested.

Plenty of broads that have been through trauma, have not processed their abuse, watch reality TV and worship social media - they STILL getting smashed and wifed up by white collar dudes, blue collar dudes, straight up hoods and plenty of nerds. And they're loving it, can't get enough.

What those men have in common is that there's something about them that appeals beyond the surface stuff.

That's not something that you bring to the table - it's not something to she can articulate - but when the chemistry is on, you don't really need to declare this and that - you're just together.

 

[The Message]

if the broads you’re meeting find you intimidating…

that just means you’re spending time in too many environments that are “beneath you.”

it’s time for you to elevate.

 

[Gloxina]

You're probably in the top 10-20% of all men.

I am you. Most of The Coli is you.

But attractive chicks get 100s of online offers and lots of offers in real life, on the daily.

Whatever you think you're bringing with those paper stats - she can get that in spades.

Maybe statistically you're rare, but to her you're just another guy with a 750 credit score.

So you hit these broads with all your "high value" but fail to move the needle when it comes to what she really wants.

If the chick isn't mentally and emotionally engaged with you, none of the paper stats matter. Being marriage minded, being nice, being in shape, dressing well, hella hoes jocking, bringing home the bacon - it just doesn't matter if the chick that you want isn't feeling you.

When you talk with these females do they want to keep talking to you, can't wait to see you, remembering stuff you barely mention and trying to impress you with it and all that jazz?

That's the foundation of everything, be it short term or long term. She's gotta to want to be with you, straight up.

If she's not giving you all that, she's not actually interested.

Plenty of broads that have been through trauma, have not processed their abuse, watch reality TV and worship social media - they STILL getting smashed and wifed up by white collar dudes, blue collar dudes, straight up hoods and plenty of nerds. And they're loving it, can't get enough.

What those men have in common is that there's something about them that appeals beyond the surface stuff.

That's not something that you bring to the table - it's not something to she can articulate - but when the chemistry is on, you don't really need to declare this and that - you're just together.

if the broads you’re meeting find you intimidating…

that just means you’re spending time in too many environments that are “beneath you.”

it’s time for you to elevate.

Great responses.


This is why The Coli is such a great site

 

[the bossman]

When you talk with these females do they want to keep talking to you, can't wait to see you, remembering stuff you barely mention and trying to impress you with it and all that jazz?

That's the foundation of everything, be it short term or long term. She's gotta to want to be with you, straight up.

If she's not giving you all that, she's not actually interested.

If more nikkas would take heed to this wisdom
it would help avoid a lot of future heartbreaks and frustrations

 

[Lord_nikon]

 

[010101]

to simplify it you are not as attractive as you think you are

when a woman truly finds you attractive everything about you becomes a virtue

aHA

*

 

[LevelUp]

 

[SadimirPutin]

If you only knew how loud this post made me laugh on a Sunday morning breh

 

[IronFist]

 

[Silver Surfer]

A man does not reach his prime until 40s