Should Men Always -- Or Even Usually -- Pay For Dates?

[mamba]

Despite the enormous and admirable strides women have made in recent decades, there seems to be one physical limitation many women still have:

Reaching for their wallets on dates.

Women can fight side by side with men in war, compete successfully with men in the boardroom, and equal or better us on many playing fields. I predict -- and hope -- the United States will have a woman president within the next three election cycles, perhaps as soon as the next election.

But even with all the momentum towards equality, that kinesiology of getting the hand into the purse to reach for the credit card, particularly on a first or second date, continues to be elusive, apparently. (This is especially mystifying for people over 50.) Can someone explain why that is?

I'd estimate that fewer than 15 percent of the women I have dated offered to pay on a first or second date, and this includes women who made five, 10, or 20 times more money than I do.

(I have been asked before: how do I know how much money these women have? It's not rocket science. If they live in a four-bedroom Park Avenue apartment, if they are national TV personalities, if they talk about how much money their ex has -- a portion of which they often get -- if they talk about how they recently went to Paris for the weekend, one can draw reasonable conclusions. All of these, and more, have happened to me. And sometimes, they'll come right out and say how much they have or something like, "I want someone who is as financially successful as I am." One can assume they aren't saying this if they are poverty-stricken.)

So I am serious about wanting to understand this. I'm not casting aspersions. I'm grasping for knowledge.

Women want, and should receive, treatment as equals on all fronts. As an enlightened liberal and a man with both a daughter and a granddaughter, I want that for the young women I care about, and for all women.

But I don't get how the quite understandable expectation of equality squares with the not understandable expectation that he should pay for the dinner, the movie, the hotel, the trip to London.

Now, like everything in the world, this isn't an absolute. The most generous woman I've ever had a relationship with was the one who arguably had the least money. She is simply a good person who understands shared financial burden and responsibility.

By contrast, the least generous woman I was involved with had the most money. I won't go into detail, as I make it a matter of personal policy in these columns not to identify anyone. But she had a LOT of money from books, television and ex-husbands. None of that altered the fact that her wallet was apparently super-glued to her thigh.

She never picked up a check. I am not exaggerating. Never. Not once.

Money, like sex and politics, is a sensitive topic in relationships. But like sex and politics, it shouldn't be one-sided. Both parties have a role in it if things are to go forward successfully.

I'm not a cheap guy. Ask the woman I took to Venice (Italy, not Florida) for her birthday. Or the one who told me her former boyfriend had written her a monthly check and would I be willing to do the same (No!). Or the several who told me flat out they were looking for a guy with a "substantial retirement account" or similar sentiments.

I just want to make sense out of the disconnect between wanting to be treated as equals and expecting the guy to pay.

If I'm wrong, tell me. But first, a few suggestions for women on first dates, or certainly on the first few dates:

1) Offer to pay half. The times that has happened, I have always -- always -- said no, I'll get this, you can get the next one. The offer itself has meaning and shows understanding.
2) On the next date, offer again, and don't be offended if the offer is accepted. It helps set a tone for the relationship, if there will be one.
3) If after a few dates, the guy asks if you can pay, think about how you feel about that. Will you write him off as cheap? Will you wonder what his financial situation is? Or will you think, okay, this is part of the whole equality thing?

Money is a touchy subject. If it becomes a shared responsibility, that's great. If you're looking for someone who always pays, the good news is, he's out there.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joe-seldner/why-men-still-pay-for-dates_b_6489718.html

 

[mamba]

In this day and age, a man paying 100% of the time is foolish.

Keep your wallet in your pocket for a change, brehs.

 

[KplusK]

who ever ask for said date pay said bill unless agreed upon before hand that we go dutch

 

[MayQueen]

Only if I really like him and we have been serious for a long time would I offer to pay, even then it would feel weird.

 

[MikelArteta]

nikkaz wont even spend 50 bucks on a birthday gift for mommy or grandma, but will hand over that cash for a chick who doesn't even care about em and has 3 other dates lined up that week

 

[Dig]

who ever ask for said date pay said bill unless agreed upon before hand that we go dutch

Me half-joking: "When you go take me out baby?"

 

[no.]

ehhh, i don't mind paying half, or even covering small expenses. in fact i prefer it. if i dismiss the guy, he can't complain about his wasted money, etc.

now if a man who's into strict gender roles wants to split the bill hasn't happened to me yet, but if he's the kind of boyfriend who thinks his girl should make him a sandwich on command, he better be paying for every date, opening doors and pulling chairs.

 

[KravenMorehead™]

It's all fun and games until your name shows up on a bytch phone as "free food"

Be "chivalrous" brehs

 

[QuintessentialBM]

"Dutch" is a bad word, but I think dates should be such in these days and time until both parties have established that an official relationship has commenced. This is a pipe dream, though. Women, collectively, aren't going to give up their "right" to benefit from "old-fashioned" gender standards, which they themselves (some) say are archaic.

Having said that, here is my standard. I'll pay for the first or even second date if there is real chemistry, but I make women pay the gratuity. If the female, like most ain't shyt females will attempt to pull, has issues with that or just flat out don't bring money, it will be the LAST date.

I suggest you dudes apply this standard and don't deviate from it.

 

[Medulla Oblongata]

Pay half and be done with it With that being said, I'll probably be one of the ones willing to pay

 

[Jhoon]

If youre going to reenact old customs, why not go all in? If youre dating (in the old meaning of the word), why not behave how other daters dated?

Its like going to a retro party and hearing contempory music.

 

[Desirous]

Pay for the first date...unless it's terrible and you don't care whether you see her again or not. After that, I think it can go either way...or dutch. But, at least put your best foot forward and pay for the first date (take her out somewhere that won't break the bank).

 

[Ikwa]

Buy dinner for a random female that most likely has a huge bodycount and isn't your wife in earlier 2015, brehs.

 

[QuintessentialBM]

Pay for the first date...unless it's terrible and you don't care whether you see her again or not. After that, I think it can go either way...or dutch. But, at least put your best foot forward and pay for the first date (take her out somewhere that won't break the bank).

I wanna take you out, just pay the tip... You down? Lol

 

[Docaveli]

You have to value your self. I'm telling you dudes, you have to focus on u, find out what u want to do in life, if u want to be somebody in life and u value education, go to school, get ur money up, or if u want to just work and get ur money that way that's fine too.

When you in shape, got ur own car, crib, and present ur self like u about something u wont have this problem.

Yes there will be women that will give u a hard time for not suggesting taking them on a date but if u smart u know they not hat u want anyway.

All i do is tell a chick i wanna see her and it's that simple. Of course i can do this because i know my strengths, i won't even holla at women that feel like they too good for this world.

I holla at college chicks, and simple around the way women, the ones with no car, i just fukk them and depending on the distance i keep it moving, the ones with a car i keep them around for convenience until they start complaining or break it off.

But all the while im consistent, i'm steady putting my self out there to be chose so every week i have something new or atleast working on.