Not usually a trauma dump kinda person, usually a work through it silently type of person.
Been a rough 3 years on the personal tip
Lost my aunt(2022), my dad (2023), and just a week ago my mom who I was taking care of for the last year and a half before she went into hospice care.
(This is why I havent posted regularly in a long time.)
all my elders I was closest to are gone and i'm in a weird disillusioned place where life feels kind of unreal and chaotic; It's like a overwhelming sense of separation anxiety mixed with existential crisis, even though outwardly no one can tell. It's like a veil has been lifted and everything seems trivial and I also see most of my fam for who they really are, I swear they aint shyt.
finances are good, I'm thankful, but it hit me like a freight train that I've always lowkey hated doing IT infrastructure/Sysadmin work, and with my current company showing signs of decay due to new management, I suspect outright layoffs and attempts to drive people to quit are coming down the pike.
This is great time to pivot to something else tech adjacent. I'm sick of learning the insurmountable tech stacks , frameworks, studying for a gang of certs,.
Fukk all this shyt, It aint a phase. I've been through every type of burnout there is and this is it for me. I have enought broad experience to pivot into other areas.
My priorities at his point is to shift from WFH stateside to being 100% digital nomad on my expat shyt going forward. I need a change of scenery and new experiences while still making decent money and i'm getting closer to that goal. Not for vanity, but for sanity.
I need to get out of this dark place more than anything, I hate this fukking feeling. I've been a soldier up to this point, now the cracks are starting to show