A. Seales:I want to be with a brotha but a lot of you would rather be by yourselves. Why not commit?

[Eddy Gordo]

@Eddy Gordo

Thank you for your honesty. As for what you wrote, doesn’t all the actions you listed that men do to impress women more about dating and having more access to sex? Nothing on that lists suggests that a man is more ready for marriage. As I read it, it seems like these are the actions men are taking because they believe it will give them more access to more women(and therefore more sex). Or are you saying that men are actually doing all those things, to impress women, because they actually want to get married?
Men take whatever actions they can to possess women. If they believe that means getting married they will.
If that’s the case, how do you translate that into the large portion of men that do all that you listed but choose to run through women and be bachelors with no intent on settling down? Or the gmb men? I’m not seeing anything on that lists that demonstrates that those actions mean a man is trying to get married as opposed to trying to make himself more marketable to have more options and more sex.
These are men who juxtapose possessing women with the negative sides of getting married. Marriage doesn't have intrinsic vaule to these men. So they use commitment as tool to get what they want. The same way some women use sex.

As for everything else you wrote: I know bw that are getting butt lifts, trying to get thick, wearing their hair in certain styles, slopping on make up, and trying to be what they believe black men want. One of my bw coworkers is doing this 90 day build a booty workout plan to get a bigger butt. I don’t know why she would want a big butt for other women lol. She moved here from Atlanta and asked about the dating scene here. She is trying to put herself on the market. She cooks everyday(lol in following the big booty diet). Trust and believe. The thing is I know more bw like her, that are doing what they think will attract more bm to them. Because they do want marriage. Perhaps the problem is they’re working on the wrong things, or those women are getting overlooked? But since a lot of these women are basing their desirability on what they see men praising on Instagram, they aren’t focusing on the internal qualities that make women more desirable to men. They don’t see these internal qualities being praised and getting the same attention as big booty exotical looking vixens on Instagram? Perhaps it’s time for more dialogue to take place between bm and bw, offline, because both groups feel dissatisfied with the pool of options and neither(in large mass) seems to be able to fulfill what the other group says they want in order to consider marriage.

I do agree that in general bw don’t compete the same way as other races of women when it comes to trying to snag men up to get married as quickly as possible. This is for a lot of different reasons—that I’m too tired to get into. But I still stand by my opinion that bm are not in anymore suitable when it comes to marriage than bw. I’d say that both are in a similar boat—as in some are ready, some aren’t, some never will be. As a whole both bm and bw got a lot of work to do; it isn’t just bw like your asserting. There is no denying that.

 

[Coli Bot]

I actually prefer being single so that I can focus on my well-being (mentally & physically) plus I'm the type of man that doesn't mind being alone, one time a woman once told me that by me choosing to be single I'm being selfish I didn't understand at first what she exactly meant by that but I'm guessing this Amanda woman has similar thoughts.

They mean "how dare you be happy and content emotionally and keep all your resources for yourself. Share them with me, treat me with your money, and be there to look after me and help sort my problems out. The money is going to waste just being spent on you "

 

[Lord Bison]

Women also need to understand that just cause you choose a man doesn't mean he has to like or choose you back. Many women believe they have willy wonka golden tickets between they legs . Women tend to forget men have to like everything else around the vagina.

Breh you sounding like you binged watched some Rom Wills Deep Thought before you posted this.


This is the part where men need to step their game up on. The reason why women feel like this is because men will simp their whole livelihood away just to get a sniff of that vagina. Women are already terrible at discerning the real men from the f-boys, combine that with dudes gassing their head from every angle(especially social media) and women created this distorted reality for themselves where they are the center of the universe.

I strongly feel that not enough men realize the power they have by walking away from a woman at a moment's notice when he sees something off about her personality, behavior, or is treated with what he feels is disrespect. If more men walked away without a peep, it would force women to self reflect and ask themselves the question of "What am I doing that's running men away from me?" They can try to blame it on the men (and a lot of them will) but by men not even giving a woman a single word, they can't use anything he says as ammunition because he already spoke by saying nothing.

Dropping a woman at a moment's notice at the first sign of disrespect is a blow to her ego that most of us men can't even comprehend.

The day women learn how to humble themselves is the day they'll find the man they crave.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

@Eclipser

Thank you for your response. As I said before, I didn't really look into the study further, so my fault if I posted information that wasn't accurate. Really the main reason I brought it up, is the poster I was responding to, is known for making slick handed comments about BW, because he favors IR relationships. My response to him, was to rub it in his face, because hell, he's saying that BW are the issue(more of us aren't ready). So basically doing the exact thing you take issue with (absolving BM of accountability by pretending as if BW are not ready for marriage and that more BM are). Which I took issue with.

It is true that digging deeper into "research" and "studies" is important, because not everything is credible, and unbiased. Like I said before, IR marriage has never been an interest of mine or a topic I cared to explore deeper, or "look into", so I have not. Your motivation to do so, is because you don't like those stats being used in that way. My motivation to not do so, is because I personally don't care enough about IR marriages, except when I'm confronted with posters like Eddy Gordo, who are pawgers that often make slick-handed comments about BW, while putting nonbw on pedestals. They don't get called out(you didn't call him out on what he posted for instance either, but you noticed what I wrote). So I call them out myself.

But let's be clear, I'm not of the belief that the average BW is more suitable for marriage than the average BM. I'm not someone that believes that BW should be absolved in the part they play that contributes to them not getting married, or being ready for marriage. But, I'm also not one that is going to pretend that a lot of BM don't have work to do either. As far as that goes, I believe that both BM and BW have a lot of work to do, and that one group is not more suitable for marriage than the other.

 

[Lord Bison]

I agree with the Proverbs verse, but the bible also says if you can't control your sexual appetite, it is better for you to marry than live in sexual immorality. 1 Cor 7:9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Guess I'll be living against that word then. I'm not giving a woman the option to divorce me and get cash and prizes off my dime. Hell in the afterlife would be live heaven compared to the hell on earth I'd be in if I chose the wrong woman. 95% of the women today simply aren't worth marrying. So my choices are either get lucky and find a 5% woman or stay single and enjoy my money on what I want.

 

[Artenche]

@Eddy Gordo

Thank you for your honesty. As for what you wrote, doesn’t all the actions you listed that men do to impress women more about dating and having more access to sex? Nothing on that lists suggests that a man is more ready for marriage. As I read it, it seems like these are the actions men are taking because they believe it will give them more access to more women(and therefore more sex). Or are you saying that men are actually doing all those things, to impress women, because they actually want to get married?

If that’s the case, how do you translate that into the large portion of men that do all that you listed but choose to run through women and be bachelors with no intent on settling down? Or the gmb men? I’m not seeing anything on that lists that demonstrates that those actions mean a man is trying to get married as opposed to trying to make himself more marketable to have more options and more sex.

As for everything else you wrote: I know bw that are getting butt lifts, trying to get thick, wearing their hair in certain styles, slopping on make up, and trying to be what they believe black men want. One of my bw coworkers is doing this 90 day build a booty workout plan to get a bigger butt. I don’t know why she would want a big butt for other women lol. She moved here from Atlanta and asked about the dating scene here. She is trying to put herself on the market. She cooks everyday(lol in following the big booty diet). Trust and believe. The thing is I know more bw like her, that are doing what they think will attract more bm to them. Because they do want marriage. Perhaps the problem is they’re working on the wrong things, or those women are getting overlooked? But since a lot of these women are basing their desirability on what they see men praising on Instagram, they aren’t focusing on the internal qualities that make women more desirable to men. They don’t see these internal qualities being praised and getting the same attention as big booty exotical looking vixens on Instagram? Perhaps it’s time for more dialogue to take place between bm and bw, offline, because both groups feel dissatisfied with the pool of options and neither(in large mass) seems to be able to fulfill what the other group says they want in order to consider marriage.

I do agree that in general bw don’t compete the same way as other races of women when it comes to trying to snag men up to get married as quickly as possible. This is for a lot of different reasons—that I’m too tired to get into. But I still stand by my opinion that bm are not in anymore suitable when it comes to marriage than bw. I’d say that both are in a similar boat—as in some are ready, some aren’t, some never will be. As a whole both bm and bw got a lot of work to do; it isn’t just bw like your asserting.

This shyt cuts deep, guilty of this myself. Wish girls were a little more open about it instead of pulling away and not telling a nikka shyt.

But aye, in the dating game, gotta lookout for yourself first.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

This shyt cuts deep, guilty of this myself. Wish girls were a little more open about it instead of pulling away and not telling a nikka shyt.

But aye, in the dating game, gotta lookout for yourself first.

More open about what they're trying to do to be more attractive to black men?

 

[Artenche]

More open about what they're trying to do to be more attractive to black men?

More open about what I am doing wrong instead of pulling away to protect herself.

I guess she just might have lost attraction for me, but it is what it is. I was fukked up but so was she, I however went overboard with trying to be there for her and help her heal (in a lot of the wrong ways including sex I guess).

Can't keep looking back at it now, I had plenty of regret over it but I know I was for real even if my intent was a bit fukked up at one point. My only choice is to grow from it .

nikkas need to know this and only this, when you date someone, checkback on what your intent is everyday, because those are your truest thoughts and those thoughts are you. If you with them for some p*ssy or because you are afraid of being alone then do them a favor and exit their life.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

More open about what I am doing wrong instead of pulling away to protect herself.

I guess she just might have lost attraction for me, but it is what it is. I was fukked up but so was she, I however went overboard with trying to be there for her and help her heal (in a lot of the wrong ways including sex I guess).

Can't keep looking back at it out, I had plenty of regret over it but I know I was for real even if my intent was a bit fukked up. My only choice is to grow from it .

nikkas need to know this and only this, when you date someone, checkback on what your intent is everyday, because those are your truest thoughts and those thoughts are you. If you with them for some p*ssy or because you are afraid of being alone then do them a favor and exit their life.

Good advice breh. People need to make sure they aren’t getting in relationships just to fill voids or because of fear, etc. broken people= broken relationship. Have to be whole first, and content with who you are in your singledom first. It’s uncomfortable for a lot of people, but that’s why so many are in crappy relationships. I think checking yourself and asking yourself why your dating that person, all the time, is a good idea. Especially considering the number of people that entered into a situation with no plans of taking it seriously and somehow end up with kids, and unhappy, because they got lost along the way of whatever it was they thought they were doing with that person.

Good post.

 

[TntBdx]

#NoCommitmentRoundHereB

 

[Stacker Pentecost]

I don’t like this chick but she sounded so sad that I almost felt bad for her. Dating is simple tho, if a man wants to be single, ‘keep you around,’ have a fwb agreement, etc, he doesn’t want to be with you. He doesn’t want to date you. If you want to date then he’s not the one. Move on.

 

[klutch2381]

"We know what we want, and we don't mind being alone."

 

[futureDevelopment]

This is cherry-picked pro-BW/WM IRR propaganda.

While there is a (single) study that shows the divorce rate between BM/WW is higher than that of BM/BW WM/BW, there is another study that builds on it using the EXACT SAME DATA SOURCE OVER A LONGER PERIOD OF TIME showing what the CONSENSUS of similar studies show:

Over a fixed amount of time (usually a 10 year span)

1. BM/BW couples have a higher divorce rate than BM/WW AND WM/BW
2. There is no significant difference in the divorce rate between BM/WW AND WM/BW
3. WM/WW has a lower divorce rate than all these groups.

It is INTELLECTUALLY DISHONEST to ignore the CONSENSUS and hold up one cherry-picked study with outliers as the truth, but if you can claim that the common denominator in failed relationships is black men it absolves you of any accountability. This is one of the reasons for the immense popularity of this study, as well as the OBVIOUSLY FAKE "StUdY" that claims that 92% of biracial children with BM fathers are born out of wedlock.
(most downloaded "StUdY" on SSRN, a site where ANYONE can upload papers...or scientific racism as it were).

This kind of propaganda is indicative of what is becoming a huge problem in our media:

Taking SHARED black disfunction, identifying the source of it as BM pathology, and absolving BW of any accountability.

If we want to get to a point of understanding then we have to start with honesty. You can't build mutual understanding on a foundation of lies.

Links to these studies?

 

[Cadillac]

I mean I have helped in prolong stupid threads

But y'all mfs turned a Amanda seale dumbassdumbass thread into 35 pages

 

[futureDevelopment]

It's also important to understand that these trends are not just affecting black people. Bwenches (like other WS) will often try to pin the blame for these trends on black men, when what we as a culture are experiencing is sometimes just part of general trends affecting all working class people.

(Another clear example being that women are becoming more college-educated than men across the board -- yet that's often used to bash black men.)

There's the old saying: "When white americans catch a cold, black americans catch the flu."

A video from the American Enterprise Institute:



That being said, I'm glad state-sanctioned marriage is going extinct. It's a "sign of life" among black men -- no longer going for the okey-doke.