Advice/closure needed on woman carrying my child...

OSUBaneBrowns

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Kind of, we met because we used to work together, and a girl she's friends with is a girl I used to talk to. But I don't really feel comfortable in reaching out to that girl though...
You need to focus on maintaining the peace with ol girl instead of trying to be right then. She got you by the balls and there is nothing to do about it. From reviewing your previous comments about her in this thread, she lost faith in men, starting with her father then her other baby daddy. Plus, her family not feeling you and I guess you feel the same way about them. Your daughter is going to be around people who are just going to bash black men because of their history and she will view you just as worthless if the baby mama don't want you around. The toxic cycle continues :wow:.
 

DuncanWebayama

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look like she bout to take your money man. Sad to say, but I've prepared myself for this situation by knowing that I will love my child and have to pay if it comes to this, and have to work like goku to live the life i want to live unfortunately, because I nut in a lot of broads. Luckily I haven't had a kid yet, hopefully I'm not sterile.
 

murksiderock

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this situation all fukked up :huhldup:


If y’all don’t have the self control to use rubbers then step your pull out game up or at least have a plan b in the cut if your weak ass can’t pull out smfh
.last 3 chicks I smashed raw none got pregnant by me.y’all be ruining your life cuz you lack self control

I feel you bro but my life isn't ruined lol. Shoulda wore a rubber or held out until she got back on the patch...
 

SheWantTheD

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Shorty must be bad as hell for you to do all that when she already has two kids and is messing with different men like it ain't nothing :mjlol:

Bet you she ain't never stopped fukking dude too.

No way in hell I'm going raw in a single mother (especially of two) believing that she's taking birth control and is on top of it.

Too many red flags. She already has two kids, what is she so adamant on having another child especially outside of a stable relationship?!

Broad is crazy and out of her mind. How does she even find the time to leave her kids to go suck and fukk another man?! :scust:

You better pray the daughter ain't yours, because she seems like the type to neglect her kids to go sneaking and creeping to a man. :snoop:
 

SheWantTheD

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I'm sure she has uncertainties in our bond, she's said as much but that started when I told her she wasn't the woman for me abd we shouldn't have a child together back in February...

Before then there was no voicing of uncertainties about us, but then we also weren't together...

She has a fantastic support system, one of the best "nets" I've ever seen anyone have. Her whole family pitches in with raising her sons, she's got a ton of family and she's either always at someone's home, or someone is at her house. One of the "arguments" we got into a month or two ago, she was telling me how hard it is to do "everything" by herself since her boys' father isn't involved, and I told her she was hardly doing anything by herself------>a ton of single parents don't have a parent to lean on, much less multiple siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles that all relieve burden on her by watching her kids when she wants them to...

This is to say nothing of the fact that she's gets daycare assistance so she isn't paying for that, she has rent control so she not really paying for that the way she would if she didn't, she gets EBT so she she not spending her own dollars on feeding her kids, etc...

I only said this to her after repeated instances of hearing her talk about how she's doing so much by herself, and I was like are you kidding me? You do alot of complaining for someone who is getting a lot of help in a lot of ways, and that rubbed her wrong...

I have tried to forecast a plan with her on both childcare and in general practice if rearing our child. Generally she has a mindset that it isnt a man's place to tell her how to raise her children, and when I pointed out the obvious that this little girl is mine too, she stood on it. When I've opened up conversation on how we are gonna raise our daughter she deflects and changes the subject...

I take parenting very serious and I enjoy it more than the many other things I enjoy, and feel strongly about being an always evolving, adaptable and responsible parent. We don't have the same parenting views at all and when I knew this is when I suggested abortion...

Her doctor is white but delivered both of her sons so she trusts him...



I considered this too. A few months back, this was after finding out she was pregnant, I learned she was still talking to the ex. She didn't tell me, her oldest son let it out one day I was over that he just talked to dude "yesterday". She looked embarrassed but didn't deny it, said she didn't talk to dude but let the boys still talk to him since "he's the only day they've ever known"...

Mind you, she was only with this dude for 10 months, and this guy didn't take care of his own son in another state, but that was her story for why "the boys" still talk to him. Granted this was back in February or maybe early March, we weren't a couple, and I didn't press her on it, but it did give me some insight that she was still holding onto this dude for whatever reason...

So I dont think its at all outta the realm of possibility that she's seeing him again, I also don't think its outta the realm of possibility that she's messing with someone else. These aren't things I can prove though and in general I try not to play detective on if a woman is cheating or not...



I have a lawyer on retainer from battling with my oldest daughters' mother. I'm not gonna spend anything on this one yet but I've got a little experience here, if she shows any inkling post-baby that it's gonna be a problem with me seeing my daughter I'm coming off the pockets. I'd rather avoid court because it drained me the first go round and she (my first kids mom) talking boyt getting BACK in court as of last week since I said I want more time with the girls...

But if I have to, I will. And I'm getting the DNA test on the newborn as soon as the baby is born. My heart feels like she's mine but I'm gonna make sure...
Fam, you like dysfunction.

And I'm just giving you the hard honest truth.

No man in their right mind especially with something to lose would put themselves in this situation.

Shorty got two sons, father(s) ain't in their lives, she's on government assistance (does she even have a job?), relies heavily on her family and still says she's doing it all on her own :mjlol:

Why ain't you strap up again? :dahell:

Shorty whole life is a walking red flag and I feel sorry for her sons and that baby girl.
 

SheWantTheD

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Years ago a chick told me she was pregnant. I didnt know if she was lying but the rubber was inside her when I pulled out so it was a possibility.

I told her to take a plan B. Times goes by and she hits me like she's pregnant and need $200 for my portion of the abortion :rudy: I told her, "I told you to take a plan B, I got that same $50 the plan B would have cost" and gave that to her.

My babymomma was like 2-3 months pregnant at this time too :skip:
and was she pregnant?
 

JT-Money

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Dudes that I know who got a chick they didn't like or want pregnant. All relocated to a different state because it was harder to jam them up on child support. Found another chick to shack up with and split the bills to lessen child support costs.
:yeshrug:
 

Guile

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The well might be poisoned as far as your relationship with her. Still be on her ass about ya'll kid. Even if she doesn't want you around, the kid deserves to have you in their life. Also, prepare for child support in the future if you can. Like maybe start talking to a lawyer. :francis:
 

murksiderock

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Homeboy got other kids as well....

If the mother got him on child support for them and you add this one here:huhldup:

Nah I'm not on child support, I send money to my oldest girls' mom every month. I'm gonna do the same with this one, if child support comes I'll deal with it but I spend for my children as is...

Shorty must be bad as hell for you to do all that when she already has two kids and is messing with different men like it ain't nothing :mjlol:

Bet you she ain't never stopped fukking dude too.

No way in hell I'm going raw in a single mother (especially of two) believing that she's taking birth control and is on top of it.

Too many red flags. She already has two kids, what is she so adamant on having another child especially outside of a stable relationship?!

Broad is crazy and out of her mind. How does she even find the time to leave her kids to go suck and fukk another man?! :scust:

You better pray the daughter ain't yours, because she seems like the type to neglect her kids to go sneaking and creeping to a man. :snoop:

Fam, you like dysfunction.

And I'm just giving you the hard honest truth.

No man in their right mind especially with something to lose would put themselves in this situation.

Shorty got two sons, father(s) ain't in their lives, she's on government assistance (does she even have a job?), relies heavily on her family and still says she's doing it all on her own :mjlol:

Why ain't you strap up again? :dahell:

Shorty whole life is a walking red flag and I feel sorry for her sons and that baby girl.

Long post incoming:

I have come to terms that I'm a dysfunctional partner, there's something toxic about me that attracts toxic, dysfunctional women. And I've put a whole lot of thought into this the last two days particularly, trying to figure out what it is...

So far what I've come up with is I'm quick to argue. Someone told me a few days ago, that you don't always have to say what you're thinking or feel, and they're right. I have a bad habit of saying whats on my mind without regard to circumstance or timing, which can incite conflict...

The other part is the women I've been attached to are instigators who love to argue and pick, and I think they realize that weakness within me. Not to say I've never avoided confrontations before, because I absolutely have, but I struggle with diffusing arguments if one is started with me, and I struggle with keeping my opinions to myself when they aren't required...

So now that I've identified that and accepted it as a hard truth, the next step is figuring out how to change that within myself. And I'm open to all kinds of suggestions because as of now, I dont know how to change that. I've just now acknowledged its a flaw and weakness I have, I've been doing it my whole life and this takes me back to my earlier point that my relationship with women is reflective of my relationship with my mothers...

I grew up being physically beat and verbally shytted on by my stepmother. No one to protect me, my bio mom was so in and out of the picture. When I saw her or talked to her, it was good, but as I got older I heard from her less and less, until I got out of prison when I was 20. I did 3.5 years on that bid, my bio knew where I was, and I never got a letter or heard from her....

So I spent more time with my stepmother growing up, thats how I got to the East Coast, but home was awful for me. When I did talk to my bio mom, she once told me she should have smothered me at birth. Both of my mothers were extremely volatile and hostile, my bio mom never put her hands on me but she definitely flipped on me verbally...

As an adult when I started dating, I didn't realize literally until maybe three years ago, that I have certain triggers with women that tie back to those relationships. I just didn't realize it for the longest, man. And there's a saying that men date their mothers, and I've found for the most part thats been true for me abd I hate it...

A woman raising her voice over simple things is something I grew up with and its a trigger, yet I've attracted women who do this. Women who clap and throw shyt, that was my mothers. Women who put their hands on me, thats a trigger but I've attracted women who do that, and just to clarify one thing: as an adult, I've had a monogamous dating relationship with five women if you count this one, four if you don't. Three of these women had violent streaks and two of them I responded back inappropriately. What I'm not doing is excusing my responses because there was always a better option, but one of those relationships was a decade ago, two violent altercations in a 10-month relationship, and with my girls mom, three violent altercations in a 4.5 year relationship. And the one girl I dated over a decade ago, I never responded to her hitting or slapping me; the two I did give a reaction to, there were instances with both of them, where they've hit me and I didn't do anything back...

In both of those situations, or I guess I should say the five violent occurrences I did react to, I never put my hands on them first. There are women in relationships being beat on everyday, there are men that whip on their partners for not having dinner ready and simple shyt like that, there are men who damn near kill the women they are with, etc. I have never been in a situation where I'm just shytting on the women I'm with, I dont go around hitting them, none of that. I've recognized a very real issue that I have in regards to understanding my breaking point, because in those five occasions I did NOT recognize I was at a breaking point, but the issue isn't that I'm a woman beater. I dont go around beating on women...
 

murksiderock

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@SheWantTheD

The reason I'm explaining this, is its relevant because I've attracted women who think its okay to hit on me, and I've never done a good job of deading those relationships, and this i think is emotionally tied into something deep inside of me I haven't broken yet. My stepmother beat me, she's the only person I was ever afraid of until I was around 15 and I was scared to death of her because any little thing would set her off. But she was okay doing that, and for the longest justified why she did, without understanding how it impacted me in a variety of ways. I grew up, partially, with a woman who thought it was okay to put her hands on me when she felt like it, and subconsciously I accepted that as normal. It was normal to me...

As a grown man I've attracted women who thought it was okay to put their hands on me when they felt like it, and it was familiar to me. I didn't like it, but I didn't know how to disassociate from it, because its "normal", thats the energy and attitude I've seen my entire life. Women who would emasculate me just for the fukk of it, that traces right back to both of my mothers. I grew up being called a "bytch ass nikka" at the age of 9 because I looked out the window when someone rang the doorbell. Somewhere around the same age, give or take a year, I was wacked over the head probably a dozen times with those old heavy ass math books from school, because I couldn't figure out the last problem on my homework...

shyt like that, that seems so trivial, leaves a stamp on you, and thats one of many, many occurrences like that, and I grow up to a man, attracting women that speak and act the way my mothers were to me...

I've literally dated my mothers, and the one whose pregnant now is the first deviation from violence and emasculated, yet clearly there's a whole new set of issues with this one. As of lately, one thing she has in common with them, is being emotionally unavailable to me. My bio was just inconsistent and when she was around had no time to listen to my problems or hurt feelings. My stepmom WAS around, and had no time to listen to my problems or hurt feelings...

I'm not giving this backdrop for sympathy. I'm tying in to your point that I'm dysfunctional. I am, its one of the few things I really hate about myself (because I really love myself and who I am overall). But there's a reason for that dysfunction, and I think its important to understand where it comes from because it'll help me overcome it eventually. And also, talking here helps my brain cycle, I dont have an outlet I talk about this stuff offline, so maybe my transparency is relatable and can help someone else...

I've dated my mothers and to this point I don't know how to avoid these kind of women because I've been living with them for nearly all of my almost 32 years. And apparently I give off a scent or something that dysfunction is normal to me because these fukking women always find me, too...

I do want to say my relationships with both mothers are great now. But the blueprint of my earlier relationships with both was set a long time ago and its been hard to break that cycle as a grown man in my own relationships. I'm dating my fukking mothers and I hate it. I love them both but I dont want to date women like them...

So the journey continues for me to figure out how to be a better Rodney, so that not only do I not attract these women, in the case I do I know how to dead the shyt. And to circle back, my struggle at avoiding arguments is a huge point I've hit on the last two days...

Now, to your point about smashing a woman with kids, I dont know why so many of you are hung up on that. I have kids, family. A woman with kids is not a red flag since I have kids myself, and typically women with kids understand the parenting role in your life. Now, all the other shyt were red flags I ignored...

She was on birth control initially the first few times we had sex, she was on the patch so obviously I could see it. One of my mistakes was when she said she was getting off it because it fukked with her weight and mood, I shoulda deaded it or strapped up. I didn't obviously, and after a month or so she did get back on it, but by that time it was too late as I found out a few months later when we got the date of conception...
 

murksiderock

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@SheWantTheD

My theory on why she's adamant on having a child outside of a relationship is because of her "village" philosophy. She doesn't see the need for a man because she has everybody else...

She has a job. We met when we worked together, I work elsewhere now but she's still at the old job. But she is living in a different reality, she doesn't even acknowledge the massive support she has...

The well might be poisoned as far as your relationship with her. Still be on her ass about ya'll kid. Even if she doesn't want you around, the kid deserves to have you in their life. Also, prepare for child support in the future if you can. Like maybe start talking to a lawyer. :francis:

Oh yeah man there's nothing she can do to make me walk out on the child if she's mine. Not happening. My oldest girls' mother asked me a couple years ago if I'd sign away my rights as a father, I told her to jump off a bridge or something like that. There's nothing this woman can do to make me walk out on this child, I'm all the way in there of its confirmed the baby is mine. Like I said in my heart I feel like she is, and once homegirl said she wasn't getting an abortion, I accepted that she's mine mentally----->but I'm gonna make sure when she's born...
 
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