Advice for raising sons in White area?

[DrBanneker]

If you and your wife got the credentials.....Jack and Jill

Yeah, I thought about that but I am really torn. When I was younger in the ATL, my mom didn't have us in Jack and Jill since meeting their bougie credentials and all that were not something she was down with. I went to some of their parties (cute girls) but was never part of that "in" crowd. But it was a different context and I didn't need them to interact with the Black community

 

[DrBanneker]

let em live, let em learn. Don't listen to these idiots talking about tell them they ain't shyt.

I am not a helicopter type parent and so I will let them be. I just want to know what kind of grounding to give them and when I should step in and correct some things.

I grew up middle class, but one of the best things my parents, particularly my mom, did was allow me to have friends across social classes. We lived in a majority Black 'burb but she invited over friends of mine from school who lived in the projects, etc. That helped since it rounded me out on all people and I didn't grow up with ignorant ideas about "ghetto nikkas". They ain't all good but I didn't act scared of them or unable to interact. I would like my sons to do the same.

What I am mainly worried about is dudes I met in college who could not interact with Black people socially and could only find beauty in White chicks.

 

[SeveroDrgnfli]

Social or school issues or both?

I'll speak for myself. I remember in kindergarten being fully aware I was the only black kid in my class. And in my school.

When I tried out for the soccer team I remember being told to go play basketball and I didn't understand the joke until years later. In school was the only place I learned about my history. And according to public school it started with slavery.

Black people always tell me how weird am I. Everyday I am told "you're like one of those really artsy white guys. You're different. Is that your real voice?"

White people tell me shyt like I'm the coolest black person they've ever met. Or they get too comfortable and say racist things to me because the think I'm on team whitey.

I get racism from my own people and white people. I feel boxed in all the time. And I know I had some serious identity issues for a long time.

I can navigate both worlds successfully. But I'm not comfortable in either and I don't feel welcome in either. So I tend to drift.

 

[Vandelay]

Put them in activities where they have to interact with blacks, that's all i'll say. Don't think because they are out of the city or out of the hood you are raising them right.

 

[invalid]

Yeah, I thought about that but I am really torn. When I was younger in the ATL, my mom didn't have us in Jack and Jill since meeting their bougie credentials and all that were not something she was down with. I went to some of their parties (cute girls) but was never part of that "in" crowd. But it was a different context and I didn't need them to interact with the Black community

Jack and Jill addresses every single one of your concerns. It certainly helped me stay grounded in the community even though I grew up in a well-to-do suburb. It was also where I met my fiancé.

I do confess, sometimes I can be on that but thats just some of the familial traits I inherited. I continuously try to deconstruct some of those ways of thinking but I'm generations deep in this. Still love my people though.

I think your situation is better because you not starting off with many of those snobbish attitudes and won't pass them on to your children.

Depending on where you are, many of the suburban chapters (i.e. newer chapters) can be easier for your wife to get into. They may not have the snob factor like the older city chapters.

 

[DrBanneker]

Put them in activities where they have to interact with blacks, that's all i'll say. Don't think because they are out of the city or out of the hood you are raising them right.

Thanks, good advice. But don't worry I don't think raising them "out of the hood" is 'right'. My wife and I turned out fine.

 

[SheWantTheD]

You shouldn't. @Sagat myself and @SheWantTheD are a few examples of what the results will more than likely be. I'm not saying your kids are going to be fukk ups but they will have issues that could express themselves in different ways.

Thing is navigating both worlds is impoasible. Both worlds will never accept them because they can sense they're different. Being different isn't good man. The nail that stands out gets hit with a hammer.

nikka what issues do I have?

 

[SeveroDrgnfli]

nikka what issues do I have?

You code switch. I noticed it when I piss you off you turn into a rhodes scholar but you public persona on here is that of someone who would choose the name she want the D.

You try really hard to be black online. It's almost racist. But I get it. Growing up around Indians and whites you didn't get the validation you needed so you seek it out from strangers online but portraying a stereotypical model of black men. When in fact that isn't even you at all.

You're probably a well educated, well mannered, nice kid. Doesn't make you any less black than gucci man the god.

 

[SadimirPutin]

Turn on the news and show them as many times as it takes how this country treats black people...

Tell them they can have diverse racial friendships but at the end of the day the world treats people with their skin color different

 

[HeavyTheDon]

I struggle with the same thing and I have decided that when my son gets of age, we're moving to a predominately black community. I don't even want him to have to deal with it until he can fully understand. I don't see the point of explaining race to a baby in elementary school.

 

[Geek Nasty]

First rule is make sure they understand no matter how cool kids might be with you, a lot of them are raised by racists. They'll smile in your face, break bread with you, party with you, and call you "that ******" the second you leave the room. Don't ever let them do or say anything to try to put themselves above you.

And, watch for the hook. Always have to be watching for them to c00n you out. Might seem like friends just havign fun, but don't let any of them get cozy with the 'n' word or put you in degrading situations. You see some of these c00n ass outfits black suburban kids end up wearing with their 'friends'. Or, that pic those white kids took where they were all standing over that black girl. That's what happens when parents don't teach their kids about suburban life.

A lot of them think you're like a pet negro they can call up to add a dash of color to their little party (but not too many black folk!). It's just real hard to tell with a lot of white folks where they're coming from because you get teh same shyt-eating grin either way.

Also, keep your kid in touch with his history and community. Don't get isolated. If you have to take him to museums and teach our history on yoru own time, DO IT

 

[SheWantTheD]

You code switch. I noticed it when I piss you off you turn into a rhodes scholar but you public persona on here is that of someone who would choose the name she want the D.

You try really hard to be black online. It's almost racist. But I get it. Growing up around Indians and whites you didn't get the validation you needed so you seek it out from strangers online but portraying a stereotypical model of black men. When in fact that isn't even you at all.

You're probably a well educated, well mannered, nice kid. Doesn't make you any less black than gucci man the god.

Not even close. When I'm debating facts with someone, typing in slang makes no sense as it makes it more difficult to get your point across. And you are acting as if there were no black people where I grew up

How do I try to be black online? I am a black man not a kid. I am an honorable black man that carries himself with with integrity. All that shyt you talking about makes no sense breh. I have never put white people on a pedestal. I noticed their racism from a very young age and I was never the type of kid to try and fit in with people, especially those that didn't want me there.

I was cool with people of all races at my school but closest to black people. I was a quiet kid in high school and kept to myself for the most time outisde of my close friends.

 

[FukYaFeelings]

Just know in about 12 years when they're on the coli they will be called c00ns.

They're bound to be attracted to a non black girl

 

[SeveroDrgnfli]

Not even close. When I'm debating facts with someone, typing in slang makes no sense as it makes it more difficult to get your point across. And you are acting as if there were no black people where I grew up

How do I try to be black online? I am a black man not a kid. I am an honorable black man that carries himself with with integrity. All that shyt you talking about makes no sense breh. I have never put white people on a pedestal. I noticed their racism from a very young age and I was never the type of kid to try and fit in with people, especially those that didn't want me there.

I was cool with people of all races at my school but closest to black people. I was a quiet kid in high school and kept to myself for the most time outisde of my close friends.

Then you should keep to yourself and be quiet online because that's you. Lol and you just code switched.

 

[Moose_Greyjoy]

They are going to date white girls and they are going to have white friends, I did .