Any of yall got narcissistic family members?

[⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]

Ive read a few posts of yours in this thread and theyre on point.

The thing that irks me is how some people who are around said person wont just throw them in the bushes because they have codepedence issues. Ive been experiencing second stress and even trauma because of the suspected narcissist bullshyt. Its bad that their condition hasnt held them back in life from ever achieving more to advance themselves.

One thing i learned that is VERY true is NEVER RELY ON A NARCISSISTIC PERSONSLITY FOR shyt AND DONT TRUST THEM.

They’re very good at getting ahead in life. They’re at selecting a mark who is to essentially going to play the role of narcissist feed - all you can do to prevent this is excommunicate them. They will feed on you until they are ready to devalue and dispose of you. They will look happy in their next relationship, it is just a mask they can wear temporarily as a narcissist will always find happiness to be a fleeting feeling. As much as they can hurt you they were actually jealous of you at one point and they will build you up, have you stand on their platform until so they can take it out from under you when they are ready to tear you down. They will show you that you mean nothing to them. Everything was fake? Well let’s just say that person that they made themselves to be for you no longer exists

Fear can make you forget everything and run or face everything and rise. The more pain you feel about this, the more healing you can look forward to. Some people would not even be able to be perceptive of this type of abuse but you are and that is the first steps in your path toward healing. All of that pain that you feel will be transmuted into your strengths. Have faith in something, especially yourself and move forward with your life as best as you can

It took me a year to heal from a five year cycle of this and this person was the only person that made the arguments I had growing up with my father seem reasonable

They are the human snake in your life. After the damage and the dust has settled they take some amount of satisfaction in being a “destroyer of worlds” - a destroyer of everything you built together, your entire relationship culture. For me I had the delight of helping to raise one during her first years of adulthood. When I met her she had no goals, no interests, no passions. She could play two notes on a guitar over and over again despite all of her practice. By the end she was using me to mirror some semblance of personality. She had a very limited frame of reference to relate to and adopted my interests and would follow me around in all of my activities but would usually have the energy of a child being dragged along somewhere - but at that she would assert herself within these things to show how capable she was and usually remove me from the process. I couldn’t cook in the kitchen, I couldn’t clean my house. I’m highly enthusiastic about pizza, she learned the craft and took over the home pizza making. I make songs, I bought music production equipment, she took over and never let me touch the stuff

She eventually used my interests and knowledge as her opener in the guy she moved on with

After 5 years of putting up with the cycle, tending to it and repairing it on a monthly basis (yes, that was an issue) she blamed me for everything and showed me that she completely devalued me. I had enough of all of this at one point and a beloved pet of mine had died so I stopped engaging with her physically. I always told her if it wasn’t for me tending to the repair of this relationship it would be less than a month before she moved on. About a month later she changes her Instagram profile picture to one with her new victim. Right when I found out she moved on like this after 5 years with her, she said she was worried that her talking to me would hurt her new guy’s feelings

That took me aback and I didn’t even respond to it

She stalked my Instagram profile stories for awhile after before I blocked her

 

[analog]

My mom is what they call a covert narcissist. Her particular source of fuel was the praise and admiration she derived from giving to others "selflessly". She also a perpetual victim who feeds on pity and will endlessly complain about how hard everything is to anyone and everyone. There's no better person at telling a sob story than my mom. She'll have someone she met 5 minutes ago weeping from how much she suffered for hours on end. These ppl are so engrossed in her story they forget my mom has sucked up 100% of the airtime and couldn't give a flying fukk about anything they have to say

There's no one or thing she wouldn't sacrifice to feed. My Dad worked his butt off to provide for us. So much so my mom was taking care of at least a dozen family members on her side. Putting roofs over their heads, sending their kids to school etc.

I remember her taking me as a kid to go shopping with her and I'd be looking raggedy as fukk. We'd walk into all these shops where she would always receive a warm welcome cause she was a big spender. She'd pick out nice stuff and ask me what I thought and if so and so would like it. She'd even guilt me out of money my dad had given me to buy clothes so she could go spend it on others. I was so bought in to the Mother Theresa narrative she had spun for herself that I didn't realize this woman, whose my mother, and supposedly the person who cares the absolute most about me, does not even SEE me as a person, a child, that desperately needs her love. She only saw my dad, and all her kids as a tool to feed her ego.

And in case you're wondering, every single one of my siblings despises her and have stories for days about not only the neglect, but times where she took something that was important to them to give to others.

It took me until I was married and had kids of my own to realize my pops had been depressed for a long time. He'd always keep to himself, away from everyone else. shyt, I would stay in my room just so I don't have to hear her negativity. Mom would go on about how many kids she'd given my dad, but in hindsight, those kids were for her to extract additional narcissistic fuel from. The wild thing is she never had to work a day in her life, or every worry about financial stress, yet forever complaining about she has nothing when my old school dad would turn over his entire salary over to her. Nothing is ever enough for a narcissist.

On the bright side, having observed her my entire life, I'm more often the person doing the manipulation than the victim. Carved out a nice life for myself. Still love and admire my pops to death, and spend as little time as possible engaging my mother.

 

[⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]

My mom is what they call a covert narcissist. Her particular source of fuel was the praise and admiration she derived from giving to others "selflessly". She also a perpetual victim who feeds on pity and will endlessly complain about how hard everything is to anyone and everyone. There's no better person at telling a sob story than my mom. She'll have someone she met 5 minutes ago weeping from how much she suffered for hours on end. These ppl are so engrossed in her story they forget my mom has sucked up 100% of the airtime and couldn't give a flying fukk about anything they have to say

There's no one or thing she wouldn't sacrifice to feed. My Dad worked his butt off to provide for us. So much so my mom was taking care of at least a dozen family members on her side. Putting roofs over their heads, sending their kids to school etc.

I remember her taking me as a kid to go shopping with her and I'd be looking raggedy as fukk. We'd walk into all these shops where she would always receive a warm welcome cause she was a big spender. She'd pick out nice stuff and ask me what I thought and if so and so would like it. She'd even guilt me out of money my dad had given me to buy clothes so she could go spend it on others. I was so bought in to the Mother Theresa narrative she had spun for herself that I didn't realize this woman, whose my mother, and supposedly the person who cares the absolute most about me, does not even SEE me as a person, a child, that desperately needs her love. She only saw my dad, and all her kids as a tool to feed her ego.

And in case you're wondering, every single one of my siblings despises her and have stories for days about not only the neglect, but times where she took something that was important to them to give to others.

It took me until I was married and had kids of my own to realize my pops had been depressed for a long time. He'd always keep to himself, away from everyone else. shyt, I would stay in my room just so I don't have to hear her negativity. Mom would go on about how many kids she'd given my dad, but in hindsight, those kids were for her to extract additional narcissistic fuel from. The wild thing is she never had to work a day in her life, or every worry about financial stress, yet forever complaining about she has nothing when my old school dad would turn over his entire salary over to her. Nothing is ever enough for a narcissist.

On the bright side, having observed her my entire life, I'm more often the person doing the manipulation than the victim. Carved out a nice life for myself. Still love and admire my pops to death, and spend as little time as possible engaging my mother.

This is exactly my father. I came to see “selflessness” as selfish or self serving in itself

Recently I watched this man called my adolescent nephew selfish and I checked him

I was like “well … this is the time in his life to be selfish. If he’s not looking out for himself and his best interests, who is …. The grandfather talking behind his back?”


Please be there for your father in anyway you can


And also remember …. This is a mental illness and probably the only one that society still feels it’s okay to shame people for. Try to forgive your mother without playing into her game

 

[Mr. Negative]

When raised by a narcissist it’s easy for people to think you are a narcissist because you may have to develop pseudo-narcissistic traits to protect your identity because the narcissist parent is always going to be trying to project and impart themselves on the child, even after childhood … or they will devalue the child basically as soon as they start having a mind of their own

and then when you breakaway, they turn the entire world against you!

 

[Mr. Negative]

My mom is what they call a covert narcissist. Her particular source of fuel was the praise and admiration she derived from giving to others "selflessly". She also a perpetual victim who feeds on pity and will endlessly complain about how hard everything is to anyone and everyone. There's no better person at telling a sob story than my mom. She'll have someone she met 5 minutes ago weeping from how much she suffered for hours on end. These ppl are so engrossed in her story they forget my mom has sucked up 100% of the airtime and couldn't give a flying fukk about anything they have to say

There's no one or thing she wouldn't sacrifice to feed. My Dad worked his butt off to provide for us. So much so my mom was taking care of at least a dozen family members on her side. Putting roofs over their heads, sending their kids to school etc.

I remember her taking me as a kid to go shopping with her and I'd be looking raggedy as fukk. We'd walk into all these shops where she would always receive a warm welcome cause she was a big spender. She'd pick out nice stuff and ask me what I thought and if so and so would like it. She'd even guilt me out of money my dad had given me to buy clothes so she could go spend it on others. I was so bought in to the Mother Theresa narrative she had spun for herself that I didn't realize this woman, whose my mother, and supposedly the person who cares the absolute most about me, does not even SEE me as a person, a child, that desperately needs her love. She only saw my dad, and all her kids as a tool to feed her ego.

And in case you're wondering, every single one of my siblings despises her and have stories for days about not only the neglect, but times where she took something that was important to them to give to others.

It took me until I was married and had kids of my own to realize my pops had been depressed for a long time. He'd always keep to himself, away from everyone else. shyt, I would stay in my room just so I don't have to hear her negativity. Mom would go on about how many kids she'd given my dad, but in hindsight, those kids were for her to extract additional narcissistic fuel from. The wild thing is she never had to work a day in her life, or every worry about financial stress, yet forever complaining about she has nothing when my old school dad would turn over his entire salary over to her. Nothing is ever enough for a narcissist.

On the bright side, having observed her my entire life, I'm more often the person doing the manipulation than the victim. Carved out a nice life for myself. Still love and admire my pops to death, and spend as little time as possible engaging my mother.

described my mom to a t.

 

[analog]

This is exactly my father. I came to see “selflessness” as selfish or self serving in itself

Recently I watched this man called my adolescent nephew selfish and I checked him

I was like “well … this is the time in his life to be selfish. If he’s not looking out for himself and his best interests, who is …. The grandfather talking behind his back?”


Please be there for your father in anyway you can


And also remember …. This is a mental illness and probably the only one that society still feels it’s okay to shame people for. Try to forgive your mother without playing into her game

All my siblings and I are eternally grateful to our Father, and do everything in our power for him.

I don't know if there's a point in forgiving someone whose incapable of righting their wrongs though. I've had tough conversations with her where I got a miraculous concession, an apology, out of her. But a day later she was back on her bullshyt. My sisters were like at least you got an apology, all we ever get is blame deflected back at us

But what I do work on is forgiving myself. There's no one harder on me than myself.

 

[⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]

 

[Mr. Negative]

I don't know if there's a point in forgiving someone whose incapable of righting their wrongs though. I've had tough conversations with her where I got a miraculous concession, an apology, out of her. But a day later she was back on her bullshyt. My sisters were like at least you got an apology, all we ever get is blame deflected back at us

But what I do work on is forgiving myself. There's no one harder on me than myself.

Don't feel bad, breh.

I've always said that if there was a Heaven, my hatred for my mother will be what prevents me from seeing it.

I'm still trying to figure it out.

 

[Pazzy]

They’re very good at getting ahead in life. They’re at selecting a mark who is to essentially going to play the role of narcissist feed - all you can do to prevent this is excommunicate them. They will feed on you until they are ready to devalue and dispose of you. They will look happy in their next relationship, it is just a mask they can wear temporarily as a narcissist will always find happiness to be a fleeting feeling. As much as they can hurt you they were actually jealous of you at one point and they will build you up, have you stand on their platform until so they can take it out from under you when they are ready to tear you down. They will show you that you mean nothing to them. Everything was fake? Well let’s just say that person that they made themselves to be for you no longer exists

Fear can make you forget everything and run or face everything and rise. The more pain you feel about this, the more healing you can look forward to. Some people would not even be able to be perceptive of this type of abuse but you are and that is the first steps in your path toward healing. All of that pain that you feel will be transmuted into your strengths. Have faith in something, especially yourself and move forward with your life as best as you can

It took me a year to heal from a five year cycle of this and this person was the only person that made the arguments I had growing up with my father seem reasonable

In the past, ive spent time talking about the family member on sohh. I felt bad doing so because it felt like i was attacking them behind their back yet there was no other outlet for me to vent. However, their ways, behavior, personality and etc has actually affected me in a way where i see people differently such as trusting people. I also am weary of getting close to people too.

Growing up with a narcissistic parent is like being a rose growing up in a thorny bush. It will make you twisted. I have a weird relationship with that person which im embarrassed at. Its not my fault though because thats how they act like and behave like, a distant relative. Im angry about because that person doesnt want to change and they would rather be a burden than cooperative. To them, its about controlling people, manipulating people, taking advantage of people, talking down on people, thinking theyre smarter than everybody and ready to be rude if you disagree with them and etc. Ive dealt with them acting nasty, hostile and etc for no reason too while being a headache.

 

[⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]

In the past, ive spent time talking about the family member on sohh. I felt bad doing so because it felt like i was attacking them behind their back yet there was no other outlet for me to vent. However, their ways, behavior, personality and etc has actually affected me in a way where i see people differently such as trusting people. I also am weary of getting close to people too.

Growing up with a narcissistic parent is like being a rose growing up in a thorny bush. It will make you twisted. I have a weird relationship with that person which im embarrassed at. Its not my fault though because thats how they act like and behave like, a distant relative. Im angry about because that person doesnt want to change and they would rather be a burden than cooperative. To them, its about controlling people, manipulating people, taking advantage of people, talking down on people, thinking theyre smarter than everybody and ready to be rude if you disagree with them and etc. Ive dealt with them acting nasty, hostile and etc for no reason too while being a headache.

Do you feel like you’d have the ability to recognize these traits in others more readily or is your trust in everyone just completely destroyed? It’s important to remember that this is just an individual who you’ve been forced to associate with based on family relation, under normal conditions you would’ve been able to walk away much easier

Keep your head up, have faith in something (especially yourself) and hang in there. You have a tough healing journey ahead of you but after that your best days are ahead of you

 

[Redwood]

I think so, but I'm trying to find the root cause of it

It explains alot of the relationship issues we have.

 

[2ATMsYouSteppinOrWhat]

Its crazy i’ve realized this a few months ago and whats crazy is that me and this person are close as close can get. and i kinda feel like eventually i will have to turn my back on this person for the simple fact that they have a mentality in which they no matter what will always put “being real” over anything else and thats the type of mentality that i grew out of thru a sortve enlightening experience
So when this person wants to “keep it real” thats when i get pulled i to situations and have to fix problems for people and do favors to make things right

being sober made me realize this and whats even funnier is my ex gf told me a couple years ago that i was going to have to do the same but i didnt pay any attention to it

 

[Pazzy]

Do you feel like you’d have the ability to recognize these traits in others more readily or is your trust in everyone just completely destroyed? It’s important to remember that this is just an individual who you’ve been forced to associate with based on family relation, under normal conditions you would’ve been able to walk away much easier

Keep your head up, have faith in something (especially yourself) and hang in there. You have a tough healing journey ahead of you but after that your best days are ahead of you

Thats a tricky question. If anything, its forced me to actually look at myself and wonder because that issue spills into another personal issue that i have with myself which has questioned my entire response to the whole situation. Its made me realize that i myself need help. Cant let other peoples issues become mine. Thats whats fukked up about it because their issues would spill into my life. I have a hard time letting go of resentment because shyt is hard to forget when they dont think theyve done shyt wrong enough for them to change their act so shyt doesnt happen again.

I do know that this individual gaslights like a motherfukker. We all usually are ready for their bullshyt. Would rather just avoid them even when we are in close proximity than to talk because the convo will either go nowhere or go back to being centered about themselves.

 

[Gloxina]

and then when you breakaway, they turn the entire world against you!

My mom tried that shyt but the facade crumbled during a family trip. #vindication

 

[Complexion]

This may be a coping mech speaking because of whats been and seen but I really do think that the aim of this stage of the Game we're playing by using our Soul as a credit teaches via pain. In that sense we're the spiritual remedials that failed the previous levels and are here in demon time. The Dark Souls are pretty much like NPCs in that respect as they prod you along on your evolution because their energetic vampirism forces you to develop a higher state of awareness which, surprise surprise, is the point of the Game it seems.

Strange way to play but this approach really does tick a whole load of boxes about reality and how it stands because anyone in here who has dealt with narcissists will attest that the coal they were became a diamond after the experience and they now resonate on a whole nother wavelength. There are also those that didn't pass and just span out as they couldn't handle the pressure that was placed upon them so if you're still standing then congratulate yourself.

Each one, teach one.