Any of yall got narcissistic family members?

[High Art]

They are energetic vampires for sure and if you're raised in the wave like @surf says then its pretty much over before it begins as you're the parent to two overgrown children who put their needs first and yours last since you stepped into this realm. You exist solely to serve them and their needs in the moment, F the rest of what you said is their mode of operation.

The craziest thing about that type of situation is disconnecting as they'll guilt trip and manipulate you to the abyss and back as they need feeding. Its a wild situation and a really deep topic as so many are in the grip of these relationships that can only be defined as toxic.

The bold was true for me. I had to basically play the parent. I was the level-headed one. The one who would caution him not trust this person or that. Caution him on not repeating mistakes. Caution him on being careful with his money and not to stunt. Have to deal with the consequences of his tantrums. At one point I was paying for my siblings rents when they were in med school. He only offered to pay for some of their expenses when he found out I was paying for shyt. I recall a time when my younger siblings told him that I was more of a father to them than he was and their only example a good black man was me. Had no effect on him other than having him act out more instead of reflecting. shyt will drain any level-headed person.

 

[Tetris v2.0]

Love my sister to death and push comes to shove I will be there for her. That said, keeping my distance, short phone calls every so often is what I need for my sanity. Unless it's serious, I don't want to hear about it

She's a "main character" type person who's 40+ asking why is her life in shambles when she destroys every relationship, friendship and job she's ever had because she's always at war with someone. It's exhausting

 

[Complexion]

shyt will drain any level-headed person

Oh, most definitely.

Its a crazy burden to place on narrow shoulders, especially when there are other siblings in the frame, but its far more common place than people suspect because pre-net it was spoken/searched very little and many people accepted it as the way it is due to knowing no different.

What you said about acting out is so true because its all about them needing the attention due to their inner emptiness. Congratulations on surviving it, breh, I hope you're thriving as you read this because you'll have certainly gained a level of strength few possess.

 

[buzzkill]

Love my sister to death and push comes to shove I will be there for her. That said, keeping my distance, short phone calls every so often is what I need for my sanity. Unless it's serious, I don't want to hear about it

She's a "main character" type person who's 40+ asking why is her life in shambles when she destroys every relationship, friendship and job she's ever had because she's always at war with someone. It's exhausting

Sounds like my sister. Last summer I had to tell some of my family I can't keep being their emotional tampon. It was like i was their therapist at some points. Only calling to rant and woe is me but never wanting to actually fix their issues..That shyt will really start to get to you forreal.

 

[Dad]

I created boundaries and stopped arguing with them. They can never be wrong & will never hear what you say.

 

[profound]

that lack of introspection should open anyones eyes if they are unsure.

those types can’t see themselves how the world does, totally unable to walk away from a situation and say to themselves “what I just did was fukked up”. always justified means never corrected.

 

[KidJSoul]

Disengage

 

[KidJSoul]

Whats a example of something a narcissistic family member would do?

Inability to be introspective. Nothing is ever their fault if they do something wrong, literally nothing.

Need to control others. They don't like it when people they know have too much independence

Not much empathy.

Usually unstable, irritable

Basically their whole lives they get off on being an a$$hole. They are like an overgrown 2 year old

 

[Rev Leon Lonnie Love]

The better question is who doesn't. Some of those family members for many are the actual mom and/or dad.

 

[Cereal_Bowl_Assassin]

Whats a example of something a narcissistic family member would do?

shyt like this for example
@Ian_Carter Mom sounds like one if she wasn't legitimately concerned with her son spiritual life and just wanted to control him using her religion



Also here's a list I got off a google search.

1. They see their child as a source of validation.​

2. They are emotionally reactive, but shame their child’s emotions.​

3. They always put their own needs first.​

4. They have poor boundaries.​

5. They play favorites.​

6. They shift blame onto their children.​

7. They expect the child to be the caregiver.​

Inability to be introspective. Nothing is ever their fault if they do something wrong, literally nothing.

Need to control others. They don't like it when people they know have too much independence

Not much empathy.

Usually unstable, irritable

Basically their whole lives they get off on being an a$$hole. They are like an overgrown 2 year old

I known someone in my family like this...I eventually got to appointment where I didn't let their words bother me anymore

 

[Gloxina]

Its a really huge topic and one many don't wish to recognize or realize but the truth is if one or both of your parents are narcissistic then it was over before it began unless you make that change and disconnect from their presence.

Its so mean and wicked really but then this world is created by the type and thus they thrive which is exactly what MJ meant when he said They Don't Really Care About Us as its all a facade, an image to assist in draining your energetics. That is who is in charge of this realm and why its no measure of mental health to be well adjusted to socially sanctioned sickness.

Those who are Bright Souls and shine inside are often taken for a ride until they wise up and read between the lines as its such a crazy thing thats so hard to speak due to continual gaslighting on as the Dark Souls are pros at image building/seeming perfect in anothers eyes. Social media on the whole is just a digital presentation of this pathology.

I'll say it again, if you've got these kind of people in your life - Walk away. Don't say a thing, don't reason or explain because they'll never change as they are incapable of introspection on a fundamental level as there is nothing but a vacuum within that justifies its existence by feeding.

My mom called me over the weekend and literally within the first 3min of the call slipped in something slick and I finally caught her right as she did it and called her on it in the moment. Somehow it devolved into how God knows her heart and I make it seem like she’s the worst parent in the world.

I was like

It was just a reminder that it’s literally how her brain is wired. She just has to say whatever the hell is on her mind with no consideration for how it makes someone else feels until they call her on it. When I mimic her behavior it stings her and she gets it, but that’s the only way to get through to her. And then it all just washes away anyway.

Part of me is literally numb because of her BS.

I recognize she has her own traumas that were never dealt with because she probably didn’t have the tools and emotional space/vulnerability to release it (which is the case for many of our elders) but at some point you have to choose yourself. This is how generational curses develop.



BTW- is that your site? You’ve posted it before and I found it helpful.


For the record, threads like this are why this place is great. For all the BS we joke about, these serious topics aren’t discussed in most people’s day-to-day life. We all need an outlet.

 

[Complexion]

For the record, threads like this are why this place is great. For all the BS we joke about, these serious topics aren’t discussed in most people’s day-to-day life. We all need an outlet.

So true because in the midst of all the BS the Coli is one of the realest sites on the net which is why we can have these type of discussions. You never know how one little thing shared may change someone elses life as they're reading and feel like someone else gets it.

Each one, teach one.

BTW- is that your site? You’ve posted it before and I found it helpful.

Thanks, that was the intent behind the concept as its a way to share my insight and experience as well as perspective on interesting things.

 

[MaxPain]

I'd be willing to bet most of our parents, if they were boomers have narcissistic traits or may be full blown narcissist.

Very common in that generartion

Always wondered why

 

[Gloxina]

I think my girl's mom is and even though she isn't, she's picked up some of her bad habits, so I have to put her in check from time to time. If it gets worse she can forget about the future.

Right now we alright though

The thing is, it’s learned behavior.


The best thing you can do is have a serious sit down with her and give her some self-help/self-discovery books on the subject. Maybe even some YouTube videos.
She doesn’t see it because she grew up in it.

That’s exactly what happened w/me and my parents.

When she realizes that the way she was raised was wrong and that she’s behaving in a way that is offensive to those around her, she will have a decision to make: change and become healthy or lose good people.

If you truly care about her, even if y’all don’t last, that’s literally the most humane thing you can do for another person who is literally lost in that maze.

 

[Gloxina]

I’m told I’m the narcissistic one—well me and my brother are. But I consider myself to be more of a Machiavellian than a narcissist. My brother is definitely a narcissist.

Ditto.


I learned all the negative traits and see how easily other people can be manipulated.
I use that knowledge to protect myself from the actual sociopaths and narcs and point out signs to other people.

In short: as much as it sucked being raised by narcs, I literally developed an emotional wall and instincts that keep me safe and allow me to move in literally every fukking environment. No one sees me coming. And as long as they don’t try to harm me, it’s all Gucci I use my powers for good