I couldn't stop myself, that was a Higher Power watching over me. The arrests, psych units, and hospitalizations were a break from what could have been the end. Haven't felt that way in years.
A friend of mine shot himself in the head a few months ago after turning his life around and doing very well. He had a lot to live for. He told me on two occasions he was going to do it, and I told him to find a sponsor he can trust and get honest with his doctor, but I truthfully didn't see him doing it as he took his life a precious, plus he was always grateful and gracious. I try no to think about it, because it makes no sense to me.
I rarely feel that low or high. I'm a bit too conceited to consider suicide . But if I ended up doing serious time, I'd may hang myself. I got escorted out of therapy today, and have to show up again on Friday to see someone else at clinic, and my most recent 12-step sponsor threatened to call the cops on me, so stopped fukking with him. I'm pretty lonely, afraid, and dissapointed right now. I have real reasons to be angry, but I'll learn my lesson one day about what to do with it. still hopeful.