Are You Hiding What You're Really Going Through???

[Afro]

The fact that there are others going through worse it what kills me sometimes. Like I hate justifying my own torment because other folks got it worse. Sometimes I feel like the "others have it worse" is a copout. Its a red herring too because what does their suffering have to do with my own anguish? Right? Like I dont think I'm selfish for having those thoughts. Or am I? Those attempts at being dismissive to justify my own selfish b!tching arent dominant either as I definitely try to view those sentiments in fact, selfish. Life is a mess.

I agree to a point. It can up being a selfish thought, but the general reason is to make you reexamine what is going right in your life. Counting your blessing. It's selfish to not truly appreciate what you do have. My two cents.

 

[KravenMorehead™]

 

[Marco Zen]

This especially. It's okay to talk and even hire someone whose job is to listen to you and all your problems.

Thats another issue that I wanted to touch on in my other response. Basically, many people will tell others who are open about their issues and crying for help to shut the fukk up about their problems and to deal with it. While that may be honesty as hearing about pain brings about pain, misery loves company. Saying that shyt does damage. It makes that person feel even worse or that the problem is them where it could turn into self hate. For some people that is just a key to the suicide gate. The idea that no one cares about them when all it takes is just one person to give someone that has no hope hope.

Personally, I've had my parents basically give me that attitude growing up and even now they still have it. It was like "you have no reason to have problems so you should shut up and be happy" or "we can't help you. You have to tough it out on your own." It was hurtful. Even worse is if you have a sibling where they basically are doing for them exactly what you are begging them to do for you. I cringe at the idea of how my mom seemed to be more concerned about my brothers state of mind where she was worried about him being depressed and shyt like that growing up and even now but when it comes to me, she would give me the cold shoulder saying I was too demanding, need attention, not going through shyt and all this bs basically saying how I should be smiling because she would buy food and material ideas and go out her way to do things she thought would keep me happy instead of actually listening to me. I love my mom but I wish she would have listened to me when I was reaching out to her for help when I was really going through it instead of her acting like everything was fine. She was and is a good mother that tried to love me the best way she could the way she knew how but don't think she did me justice as she kind of helped enable a monster. Thats one of the reasons why i would rant on sohh back then especially in high school because i had no one willing to listen or help me so i basically used the internet to do that. Spoiling me and other things instead of basically letting me develop into my own person and helping me along the way intervening when she had too instead of just trying to give me what she didn't have or what her mom didn't give her. I love her and always will. Now as an adult, I have to take responsibility of who I am today and apart of that is having to sit my own ego and denial down and seek out help.

Some things we can't get through alone.

The whole "I got this" is a very dangerous phrase. Along with "I don't need nobody"

Sometimes we do need people to help us get through shyt.

I knew someone who refused to reach out for help or went about it in the wrong way and wound up killing himself. The worst part is he set up his phone across the room to record him doing it. As if the pain of his suicide wasn't enough on his loved ones he wanted to leave video for them to watch him committing the act. ...an extra "fukk all y'all"

 

[Pazzy]

Some things we can't get through alone.

The whole "I got this" is a very dangerous phrase. Along with "I don't need nobody"

Sometimes we do need people to help us get through shyt.

I knew someone who refused to reach out for help or went about it in the wrong way and wound up killing himself. The worst part is he set up his phone across the room to record him doing it. As if the pain of his suicide wasn't enough on his loved ones he wanted to leave video for them to watch him committing the act. ...an extra "fukk all y'all"

Agreed. That's the worst advice someone could tell anybody. Sadly, its seen as a huge sign of weakness to cry for help.

 

[Ironman]

I'm a thinker. I got a lot of shyt on my mind...I can barely sleep....think too much.

 

[Turk]

Yeah. I don't express my real feelings

 

[Gold]

Yes, but regardless I know i'm blessed.

It could be alot worse so I wont complain

 

[SeveroDrgnfli]

I appear motivated, hopeful, and goal oriented. People view me as a loud and cheerful in pubic. I think about Killing myself everyday. I declare that I will everyday too. People usually laugh at me because people don't take me seriously because I joke around a lot.

I feel trapped. I didn't want to be born and I don't want to be alive. But I have to be alive and it's a shyt deal.

I used to be motivated to live for love and my loved ones. But they all killed me. I got close to my dreams and that killed me. Fell in love twice and that killed me too. I just want someone to hug me and tell me it'll be okay but I have no value in the world so I don't deserve it which is why it'll never happen.

The only reason I don't kill myself is because I know I have a purpose. I've survived so much. I've lived too fast, loved too much, and I'll die young. I'll be another statistic or insult. I think thats why I post so much on the coli. I've revealed every side of me on here for better or worse it's public record until the Internet dies.

Luckily there are things I love very much and I'm fortunate enough to be able to do those things everyday. Being around other suicidal people keeps me going too. My buddy at work is me with no fukks given. He's hilarious. He makes me laugh everyday. His distaste for himself and the rest of humanity is wonderful. He can cook very well though, dude's grill game is pretty good.

I like the weirdos I've met on this journey. We are the side show. Maybe I'm not as alone I think and life is worth living another day. I take it day to day and moment to moment. I can't focus on the future or the past. Happiness doesn't live there. Hopefully this post is so long nobody reads the entire thing.

I needed to get that off my chest.

 

[Lo-Co]

I don't really vent to anyone much in my personal life. Friends, I stopped doing that in high school. I just felt like a depressed a$$hole. They just made me feel worse. So I'm glad most of them are gone.
Family I don't vent to. Since everyone is off doing their own thing, I feel like I'd derail their plans worry about me.