being introverted can be a gift and a curse.

[Lo-Co]

*sigh*

guys i'm going to offer an opinion that's probably not going to be popular ...

i don't believe that people can be either 'introverted' or 'extroverted' like the way you can have a red crayon and a blue crayon, i believe it's entirely dependent on context. when i was growing up in my african homeland i never for a moment thought i was an introvert. i was shy sometimes, but all kids are shy to a degree, but with my friends i was just myself.

when i moved to north america and was in unfamiliar terrirory i withdrew. instantly i started calling myself an 'introvert', and started wrapping my identity around this label. overtime i made friends and somehow i didn't feel like an introvert anymore & the label didn't make sense. however, we moved to an all-white area, where i stuck out and it made me feel awkward. white people (& to a lesser extent minorities who've been raised in north american culture) socialize very differently from africans and south asians. (NOTE: maybe it's just whites in north america, not sure about europe). they tend to be more reticent and guarded in their conversations, that's why 'small-talk' is such a chore. nobody ever says what's really on their minds, it's all scripted bs.

when i went to uni and gradually got into contact with different people hailing from different parts of the world (& also people with different interests) i gradually realized that *I* didn't have a problem. the reason i was withdrawing from people was because i didn't feel comfortable with them. whenever i'm with black people or with africans, or people of other races who're just chill, i'm chill too. but stick me in a party filled from top to bottom with hipsters and peckerwoods and i'll instantly be the most awkward person in the room. that's what happened to me yesterday. i got randomly invited to a party and i was like, *hmmm party? cool. i love meeting new people. should be interesting*. as soon as i got there, i was like *oh shyt, this wasn't what i was expecting*. i was house-plant status, stuck to a wall, looking at my phone trying not to look bored. i had conversations with a few people but they were all pretty wack. that's what got me to thinking. in my head, i know i'm not an awkward quiet person, because i have a wide group of friends (albeit all of black, south-asian origin), but in that particular context i felt like i was in high-school again.

i'm not saying that certain people don't prefer to keep themselves. i'm just saying that be careful before you label yourself. look at the sort of company you keep and assess your comfortability level. it might be that your quietness is just a way for your body to tell you to drop yoru current squad.

i mean its 60 40 to me. its like if im in a place with things im familiar with or with people i know im comfortable. its like being a shadow on the wall. or a stray cat. i remember going to a birthday party and i was paranoid. i thought, who are these kids. it was just people i never met in my life. then i saw one friend i knew. honestly i avoided most people and i would make good conversation with her and she became a funnel for the people i didnt know and i was able to kinda use her as a wingman to pretty much prevent me from falling on my face. now im in college and its like being lost in a jungle. once in a while my friend will show up, whos the exact opposite of me. he can engage in conversation with just anyone like its nothing. and thats the ability i wish i had. like jekhyll and hyde. to be able to emerge from my home and go out without a care in the world. i hang out by myself alot and write. its been always more of a wanting to be left alone thing for me. and ive honestly ditched crowds alot. id disappear without a word.

 

[Lo-Co]

Expand your horizon,,,hit up every city within' a 100-mile radius to meet new people. Might break out of your shell.

that could work. i want to leave this city for good. maybe go out west

 

[OCCAMS_RAZOR]

i mean its 60 40 to me. its like if im in a place with things im familiar with or with people i know im comfortable. its like being a shadow on the wall. or a stray cat. i remember going to a birthday party and i was paranoid. i thought, who are these kids. it was just people i never met in my life. then i saw one friend i knew. honestly i avoided most people and i would make good conversation with her and she became a funnel for the people i didnt know and i was able to kinda use her as a wingman to pretty much prevent me from falling on my face. now im in college and its like being lost in a jungle. once in a while my friend will show up, whos the exact opposite of me. he can engage in conversation with just anyone like its nothing. and thats the ability i wish i had. like jekhyll and hyde. to be able to emerge from my home and go out without a care in the world. i hang out by myself alot and write. its been always more of a wanting to be left alone thing for me. and ive honestly ditched crowds alot. id disappear without a word.

breh, how you're describing yourself is EXACTLY how I used to be like when i was younger (man, even just a few years ago). but i'm not like that anymore. people call me 'chill', 'cool', 'extroverted', etc. it might be that you just lack social skills. believe me it's a skill you can learn. i'll give you a recent example of something i've forced myself to do. everyday when i go to campus, i have to take the bus. back in the day, if the driver seemed like he was in a good mood i'd say hello, if he (or she) wasn't i wouldn't. these days, i act friendly and say hello regardless of what the bus driver's mood, personality is like. i've done it so many times to the point that it's second nature, and it makes me feel nice because i genuinely like saying hello, and brightening up people's day. before i decided to do this, i'd always let the driver's mood inflluence mine. if the driver was in a good mood, i'd be like 'hmm people aren't so bad after all', if the driver was in a bad mood i'd be like 'people are a$$holes, etc'

there's literally no difference between you and me breh. if getting good with people is something you want to achieve, then you can totally do it. but the key thing is you have to find people who you are super comfortable with first,and then gradually learn to appreciate the people you don't vibe with so well. but if you're introverted, and you want to stay like that then there's no issue with that either. however, i will say that it is a huge handicap in today's world. moreover, i highly suspect that most introverts aren't as happy at being alone as they think they are. i used to be like, 'whatever fukk ppl' back in the day, but i'm a way happier individual now that i can easily parlay with people and have learned to appreciate them warts and all

 

[Lo-Co]

breh, how you're describing yourself is EXACTLY how I used to be like when i was younger (man, even just a few years ago). but i'm not like that anymore. people call me 'chill', 'cool', 'extroverted', etc. it might be that you just lack social skills. believe me it's a skill you can learn. i'll give you a recent example of something i've forced myself to do. everyday when i go to campus, i have to take the bus. back in the day, if the driver seemed like he was in a good mood i'd say hello, if he (or she) wasn't i wouldn't. these days, i act friendly and say hello regardless of what the bus driver's mood, personality is like. i've done it so many times to the point that it's second nature, and it makes me feel nice because i genuinely like saying hello, and brightening up people's day. before i decided to do this, i'd always let the driver's mood inflluence mine. if the driver was in a good mood, i'd be like 'hmm people aren't so bad after all', if the driver was in a bad mood i'd be like 'people are a$$holes, etc'

there's literally no difference between you and me breh. if getting good with people is something you want to achieve, then you can totally do it. but the key thing is you have to find people who you are super comfortable with first,and then gradually learn to appreciate the people you don't vibe with so well.

interesting. its like i can talk to people in my class with ease if theres a topic, its like i still have training wheels on my bike of conversation basically.

 

[GrindtooFilthy]

i've been like this since day 1, what worse is that it makes it hard for me to keep friends. nobody ever wants to hit me up. i always have to do the hitting up

 

[Hernameiscole]

i enjoy floating in my own mind. yet interacting with people is the most stressful shyt ever. public conversation is draining. i prefer being solo most of the time, but its like envy the people that can easily make small talk, even though i lack that skill and hate to waste words with no thought behind them. i'm not good with conversation unless its about something i know. then i go off with that topic and wont stop for days. most of these females out here are instant extroverts that are all over the place and will freak out if they're in the house for at least a day. yet i could chill at home and have actual fun. i feel like an old man compared to women my age .

#introvertsstandup

I feel you yo. I feel this way all the damn time. I hear you. I don't wanna turn up. I rather some calm vibes. People aren't exposed to much so they only think that there is only one distinct way to turn up. Give me some wine and some assorted cheeses and a snuggie and I'm good.

 

[OCCAMS_RAZOR]

interesting. its like i can talk to people in my class with ease if theres a topic, its like i still have training wheels on my bike of conversation basically.

dawg, that's everyone though. take your most sociially vibrant individual and stick them in unfamiliar territory. even if they might not show it, they'll feel awkward as hell. i already gave the example of how awkward i felt (& i'm sure i must have looked) yesterday. i don't do well with scripted social events, where the main aim is to engage in small-talk. it should be organic. let conversations bloom and die at their own discretion. people should feel comfortable to talk, or not talk, about whatever. 'how's the weather' type talk is never interesting.

i'm a former, awkward individual so whenever i encounter awkward people i always just try to make it as comfortable as i can for them. i never force conversations, and if it dies it dies. however, i always let them know that i'm cool with them and have no hard feelings. people should be allowed to be themselves. it shouldn't be socially unfashionable to be 'quiet'.

 

[OCCAMS_RAZOR]

nobody ever wants to hit me up. i always have to do the hitting up

most people don't hit me up either. and the ones who do, almost always, without fail, are only doing it because they want something from me. you have to let go of your ego. nobody owes you anything (i.e. that girl doesn't owe you your number). in my experience, most ppl who tend to be good with ppl have a high tolerance of ppl's garbage.

letting go of my own ego was the best thing i ever did. it was so liberating fam.

 

[philmonroe]

breh, how you're describing yourself is EXACTLY how I used to be like when i was younger (man, even just a few years ago). but i'm not like that anymore. people call me 'chill', 'cool', 'extroverted', etc. it might be that you just lack social skills. believe me it's a skill you can learn. i'll give you a recent example of something i've forced myself to do. everyday when i go to campus, i have to take the bus. back in the day, if the driver seemed like he was in a good mood i'd say hello, if he (or she) wasn't i wouldn't. these days, i act friendly and say hello regardless of what the bus driver's mood, personality is like. i've done it so many times to the point that it's second nature, and it makes me feel nice because i genuinely like saying hello, and brightening up people's day. before i decided to do this, i'd always let the driver's mood inflluence mine. if the driver was in a good mood, i'd be like 'hmm people aren't so bad after all', if the driver was in a bad mood i'd be like 'people are a$$holes, etc'

there's literally no difference between you and me breh. if getting good with people is something you want to achieve, then you can totally do it. but the key thing is you have to find people who you are super comfortable with first,and then gradually learn to appreciate the people you don't vibe with so well.

I agree with this because listening to people describe what goes on in their world makes it seem like they are so awesome and others are just a drain to their precious life. I know they don't mean it like that but it would surely be seen that way by the avg person that's just looking at the surface level. I also agree with you about the party situation. I got friends that go to certain parties that don't play the music they into and they looking like huh. Its a different party though they are life of the party status. Its just alot of people aren't really that versatile in social situations that's why they cool with friends but otherwise they're done.

The main problem is this stuff usually hurts with having the life you want. Everybody don't want to be the life of the party but I also don't think cats want to be friendless loaner types either. That's why self proclaimed introverts seem to love flocking online to get that feeling the extroverts get from going out but just from being online IMO.

 

[reserved_one]

Im an introvert.......I suck at making small talk with people especially with women. I always seem to talk about myself or something that relates to me. Thats the only way i can take control of a conversation. ortherwise im very quiet and dont have much to say


when im going out with friends i dont get excited unless im drunk. When im sober im disinterested andrather be doing somewhere else. Its like i gotta force myself to have a good time.

 

[OCCAMS_RAZOR]

The main problem is this stuff usually hurts with having the life you want. Everybody don't want to be the life of the party but I also don't think cats want to be friendless loaner types either. That's why self proclaimed introverts seem to love flocking online to get that feeling the extroverts get from going out but just from being online IMO.

This shyt is gospel my dude

PREACH!!

 

[philmonroe]

i've been like this since day 1, what worse is that it makes it hard for me to keep friends. nobody ever wants to hit me up. i always have to do the hitting up

Truthfully if you weak sauce when you go out you not going to get hit up. Just like being weak in basketball and thinking they going to pick you first. That's life and if you were the life of the party they'd hit up trust that since they know you'd be fun. You can change that though if you want by just relaxing more when you go out.

 

[OCCAMS_RAZOR]

Truthfully if you weak sauce when you go out you not going to get hit up. Just like being weak in basketball and thinking they going to pick you first. That's life and if you were the life of the party they'd hit up trust that since they know you'd be fun. You can change that though if you want by just relaxing more when you go out.

exactly man, that's why i said that you have to let go of your own ego. it might be that you're just not a fun dude. i already know i'm not the funniest, wittiest dude in the world. i know some people who're witty & hilarious, and i can totally understand why they are more socially popular than me. i mean even i prefer to hangout with them than with other people.

key thing is that you just have to relax and go with the flow. a trait that all introverts all share is that they're very controlling and analytical. you want to say the perfect thing, dress perfectly, etc. you're always overanalyzing the situation. nothing's ever perfect. and even the folks who're 'good with people' fukk up more often than not (i.e. say & do embarassing things, wear weird clothing, bad breath etc).

 

[GrindtooFilthy]

most people don't hit me up either. and the ones who do, almost always, without fail, are only doing it because they want something from me. you have to let go of your ego. nobody owes you anything (i.e. that girl doesn't owe you your number). in my experience, most ppl who tend to be good with ppl have a high tolerance of ppl's garbage.

letting go of my own ego was the best thing i ever did. it was so liberating fam.

i've been letting go of my ego, i used to be like cool but now it's annoying. i'll hit you up and you don't respond or say you ain't doing shyt then 2 hrs later i see you turnt up on facebook, then when you text me and i don't respond you wanna throw shade or you give me when i say i'm busy and that i have work to do. what kind of fukkery is that

it's not like i don't wanna talk to people, i like talking to and meeting new people but it's like after i come to know them as person they just ditch me and don't bother hitting me up unless i do.

i'm in my 3rd year of college i just wanna graduate and get the fukk out. i'm tired of this shyt. at least when i leave i can always fall back on my day 1 homies, them nikkas were there from the beginning (5 nikkas i call my homies) worst part is my parents be giving me because i'm the only black person among my 5 circle of friends (they mainly hispanics with 1 white boy) at this point i just want to be filthy rich so me and my closest friends can eat and be happy for the rest of our days fukk anybody else that tryna holla at me after i get this money

bytch asses ain't with me on traing day or game 1 but will be there when i get this championship trophy

 

[GrindtooFilthy]

Truthfully if you weak sauce when you go out you not going to get hit up. Just like being weak in basketball and thinking they going to pick you first. That's life and if you were the life of the party they'd hit up trust that since they know you'd be fun. You can change that though if you want by just relaxing more when you go out.

weak? nikkas know i don't play and get shyt poppin problem is that, when it's time go out all they wanna do is drink and play beer pong and then they head out the very last minute and when i don't feel like going out or getting my shyt ready for class that's when they decide to hit me up.