Can I Forgive Myself?
So I cheated, twice. Yea, I felt bad about it when I did it and I still do once in a while, especially in those moments when I get the "I love you so much and you are so perfect comments," but it wasn't always like this.
We've been going out for four weeks this december, and boy has it been a ride. The first week and a half was near perfect...not many fights, sex was pretty good, etc.
Once we got to 2nd week things started going downhill. Sex went down, she started getting bytchy, etc.
We took a week break then got back together. Then she broke up with me for 1 day and we got back together. For the next week, things were just bad. I don't know why I put up with it.
I love her and saw her as my future wife, and I still do. I didn't want to break up with her because regardless of the fights over that time period, I still loved her and we always made up. Yes, the sex was still down, but I looked past that.
I started thinking of breaking up but I couldn't see myself without her because I figured I loved her so much. My friends and even my uncle and dad kept saying, "you're young, don't stay with one girl etc." So one night I was with this girl, and figured what the hell, my relationship is probably ending so f it, and I had sex with her. To my suprise, right after that, things started getting better in my relationship...sex went up, we started getting along better, and things went back to how they were in the beginning. I ended up kissing another girl and nothing else shortly after that.
So basically, can I forgive myself? I figured my relationship was ending anyways, so I said forget about it. But now, things are back to normal. Everything is perfect again. How was I to know that things would be great again? If I tell her I had sex with another girl, she'll break up with me and never talk to me again. Should I just keep this as my little secret, or do I have to tell her?
I think it's best I don't tell her and spare her the emotional pain it will cause
