Colored People webseries (Directed & written by Coli member ghostwriterx) EP04 is up!

[StraxStrax]

My thoughts quoted from the Screenwriting/Filmmaking thread




Nice work, really nice.

I think the colors are off, too muted and inconsistent. The set design is a little boring but you make it work. The timing on "same difference" is off.

Writers thoughts

In the elevator she says that the repair dude (or whoever) is on his way. Surely the guys in the elevator know that, they hear everything she hears?
Why do the people in the stairs walk down the entire stairs and not just down a floor or up a floor and use the elevator there?

Also I saw the boom mic reflect and it's shadow in the elevator

Spoiler

Just messing with you, it's a tight space and shyt like that happens

The best scene is the last before the credits, when Dan stops the dude in red. The timing on everything, acting and camera is fantastic. He seems by far the best actor.

 

[GoldenGlove]

 

[Beegio]

Subs for lata

 

[Serious]

Subs..

 

[Lord Beasley]

That shyt was funny to me.

The "black" chick character was a Lil extra, especially since she's obviously part Asian....

Everything else was good

 

[Serious]

It's alright it had it's moments, but it does have potential considering that this is merely the pilot.....


Look forward to next week's ep....

 

[ghostwriterx]

That was pretty good. The editing and direction were really on point, they maintained the pace and hit the right beats for the script, which I also thought had great rhythm to the dialogue. All your actors seem really solid as well. The musical cues worked well.

My only criticism was that Evan and Jada, while having good comedy chemistry kinda felt like mouthpieces a little bit as their interactions weren't really grounded in a dramatic situation, and if there's not enough neutral dialogue interspersed with the racial humour then there's a danger of the show having a kind of functional comic strip vibe to the writing with jokes at the expense of character development and world building.

Good point, they actually weren't even in earlier drafts at all. Put them in once we decided this would be the first ep and I think that showed in the writing.

That said, you didn't run into any of that in the lift scene. My favourite bit was when the hispanic girl did the daisy duke impression for the intercom. It seems like you've got a nice mixture of voices/perspectives with the different characters so I'll be interested to see where that goes. Word to the wise tho, you already blew your indians and curry material so you'll need to mix it up with the asian stereotypes from here on.

All in all tho really good effort that looked and felt professional.

Can I ask what kind of budget you had and how long it's taken you to write and produce?

I think we spent about 8k on the first 5 episodes. We were fortunate to get a really talented/professional crew and think it paid off in the production value. This idea started out a pilot that was written about 5 years ago. Didn't do anything with it and around the time webseries were just starting to take off so we decided to write it as a webseries, wrote about 10 over a few weeks and did nothing with it. Last fall a friend was looking for something to produce and we told her about this and just took off from there. We started shooting in April and wrapped last month. Hardest part was finding cheap locations to shoot. Most of the webseries out look like they're shot in somebody's house. Finding locations like office buildings in LA is not easy, most people want a grip. Fortunately we were able find a couple that didn't break the bank, just took a while.

 

[ghostwriterx]

6.5/10
I don't know if @ghostwriterx wrote it but it's lacking a lot... i feel like i watched it already, its like who wrote it took the same jokes from other black movies and put it in the script...
But i think for the average person out there(the target audience) its ok

Yeah I wrote this one. That's what I was worried about especially in this one. I kind of od'ed on the race stuff in this one because it was the first one and I really wanted to set a tone. I'd like to think we do a better job in the upcoming eps and they don't come off too cliche, we'll see. Writing short eps like this is really difficult as you don't have a lot of time to be subtle, build up to things etc. I'll keep your thoughts in mind as I write more of these.

 

[FAH1223]

subs

 

[Larry Lobster]

Yeah I wrote this one. That's what I was worried about especially in this one. I kind of od'ed on the race stuff in this one because it was the first one and I really wanted to set a tone. I'd like to think we do a better job in the upcoming eps and they don't come off too cliche, we'll see. Writing short eps like this is really difficult as you don't have a lot of time to be subtle, build up to things etc. I'll keep your thoughts in mind as I write more of these.

I think you're on the right track, i mean keep it simple not to deep because people don't really like to think for themselves. Overall it was positive, like i said for your target audience it was a good job.

 

[Chubbs]

"Why do black people smoke Newports?"

 

[LurkMoar]

please tell me you sneaked in some coli saying in here



That nikka thing at the end tho don't know i just bust out laughing for a sec

 

[Jax]

6.5/10
I don't know if @ghostwriterx wrote it but it's lacking a lot... i feel like i watched it already, its like who wrote it took the same jokes from other black movies and put it in the script...
But i think for the average person out there(the target audience) its ok

You think you're better than us huh?

 

[All Women Are Queens]

not bad not bad

 

[Larry Lobster]

You think you're better than us huh?

What?
Did you like it? if so you're the target audience, mission accomplished