So basically the cousin is the OP
Cousin mentally breaking after Mother in Law moved in
- Thread starter Micky Mikey
- Start date
No. This is why I will never marry.
He needs to do everything in his power to get his wife to be the one to tell his mother in law to clean up after herself. Him telling are has to be the last resort but ultimately he may have to go there. A lot of parents never respect their children enough to listen to them no matter how old they get or the circumstances.My cousin is a good dude but he is losing his mind. He got married 2 years ago and already has had several of his wife's family members try to move in. Finally he gave in to the mother in law due to her health issues. He complains about her sitting on the couch watching tv upstairs the entire day. He works from home and most of the time he is in his office. If he wants to watch TV he goes into the bedroom. Mind you his office and the main bedroom is upstairs too so whenever he goes to the kitchen or uses the restroom, BOOM there she is.
This breh provided a whole bedroom with a queen size bed and flatscreen tv with just about every app and streaming service you can think of. But she insists on watching tv upstairs where he spends most of his time. When she cooks she rarely cleans up after herself. Oh..... And she doesn't practice good hygeine.. Says her room is constantly musty and smells like urine. And yes she is fully capable to cleaning and keeping up her room.
Other than that he says she is very sweet and easy going. But he feels she doesn't have boundaries and or respect his home like she should. The wife puts her foot down sometimes but some time enables this behavior. He doesn't want to hurt the mother in laws feelings but he is at a breaking point. He is an introvert and needs ample time to himself. He has recently start drinking and spending long evenings at a local bar. Sometimes he'll sit in his car for 2 hours afterwards dreading going in his own house
I commend him for stepping up to the plate but am worried about his mental health. Do you feel it is wrong for him to tell the mother in law not to spend so much time upstairs and to clean up after herself? What would you do? And what can advice can I tell him before he has a breakdown.
zerorequiem
All Star
Let the wife and the family go. Otherwise he will be miserable. I went through this shyt and it never ends well.
..a lot of yall glossing over the health issues and its her gatdamn mother lol. Obviously there needs to be a talk and boundaries. Unless he's ready to foot a retirement/nursing home it is what it is. If it was his mother would he ktse?
Ive seen this many times before. A sickly parent moving in can ruin a marriage.
The unmarried sibling should be the one to help if one exists. If not... i would buy an RV and put it on my land. She can live there. But she cannot live with us.
One of my sister-in-laws just went through this for only two weeks. Her mother in law (not my mother, her husbands mother) came for 2 weeks before the wedding and it almost ruined their relationship because of how disrespectful the MIL was to her.
Parents aint living with us period. It aint happening. Especially African parents
verbalkint
I see you niccas...
I'm operating under the assumption of a rational, respectful individual of course. I'm already wary of females with weird sisterly/girlfriend relationships with their mothers.
GreenGhxst
Veteran
He shouldn't be worried about her feelings
He can be assertive and respectful, and if he's too scared and his wife ain't saying shyt that's another problem
Wife should notice that he has been emotionally distressed and take proper action
Because clearly he isn't going too...
He can be assertive and respectful, and if he's too scared and his wife ain't saying shyt that's another problem
Wife should notice that he has been emotionally distressed and take proper action
Because clearly he isn't going too...
Good point. Got me thinking. I wonder if brehs wife only got with him because she sees him as a provider. Cuz one of the first things that signifies how much a woman truly cares for u is how well she’s paying attention to u. And if his own wife can’t tell that he’s been restless, that’s a clear indicator that suggests she doesn’t love ol boy.
1LurkerChick9
All Star
This is really the only effective answer
There is soooo much bad advice in this thread
Breh has to COMMUNICATE.
Tell his wife how he is feeling and then go for the “ask”. The ask is key .
“Babe, you know how I am. I need my space. I’m here all day working from home and I’m struggling with your Mom doing x,y, and z. I know she’s struggling with her health but things can’t continue this way. How can we work together so that I get the alone time I need?”
There’s no guesswork,no ambiguity,his wife knows exactly how husband feels and by coming to a solution they both agree on , they reinforce their bond.
I have a friends who moved in to his wife house after they married. Her mom created issues from day 1. Dude would get in verbal altercations with she weekly. They end up having a heated argument and momma punch him In the face. It eventually blew over to his relationship and they had to make a choice. They eventually moved in to their own space and momma stayed in the old house.
My Pakistan Co worker moved his mother and father In his home, they are sickly and due to the culture and family dynamics.
The mother usually has full reign in the household and it directly conflicts with the wife of the son. He was going through it because he has to show complete obedience to his mother but his wife is looking at him like
The mother looks at his wife as one of those servants they hire from a lower caste system
the bossman
Superstar
What did your wife say when you cussed her mother out?
What did your wife say when you cussed her mother out?
it was her grandmother and she said nothing cuz she knew I was in the right and lowkey felt the same way. She witnessed the whole thing too and never tried to stop me. It almost happened the night before, but she and my friend stopped me from popping off. The thing is she knows that once I get past a certain point, ain't nothing you can really do about it. You not gonna luck up twice.
If someone truly loves you, they wouldn't want to see you get fukked over or punked even if its by their own family. So when you stand up for yourself, they gotta fall back.