Dating a younger woman as an old nikka?

[Coco Loco]

And they oddly underestimate the attractiveness of young men. For a normally adjusted young woman, a young handsome man will always beat out an older handsome man all things being equal. The same reason cougars seek out young men. If all you’re doing is fukking you may as well get prime looks and stamina. You really need money and game to beat out the thrill and primal attraction of youth. The true currency of an older man (or woman) is literally actual currency. If you’re looking for long term love, you need someone equally yoked. This is why most relationships and marriages are close in age.

It’s wild how she seemed to have more game and self awareness than he did and he almost has two decades on her.

The first bolded- This should be common sense. When I was 19, I only had eyes for people in my age group. When older men tried to talk to me, I thought something was wrong with them. I still looked at myself as being a child, those men were my parents age or close to it.

Also, most young women put older men in the "he just wants sex" category not the dating category. At that age we're only bringing lipgloss and to the table


The second bolded- EYE didn't want to say it but how did he get gamed by a child? Two years ago she was in high school asking for lunch money and worrying about prom. Sounds like he was actually looking for love too, poor thing

She had her fun. He was looking for love.

Spoiler: don’t want to be insensitive

Sounds like she enjoyed the sex, but was bored overall. She’s ready to move her newfound sexual awakening to someone who excites her.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she comes back to use OP as her emotional crutch though. Especially if she’s going through financial and family issues. It’s probably not too late for them if he drops those coins and get her set up financially.

I pray he ignores her if she comes back. She showed him who she was, he better believe her

 

[High Art]

My sister got on my ass pretty bad about this.

Pretty much said it only should’ve been sex and SOME dates here and there. Not EVERYTIME we saw each other. She feels as if I set myself up to be strung along and manipulated.

My sister also pointed out how the girl would be “hot and cold”, gaslight me, and not introduce me to her friends or family.

Ultimately, my sister felt as if the girl was just using me until the person (younger) that she really wanted came along that could take my place. Possibly demonstrating bad behavior in hopes that I would have ended the relationship, so that she could come out looking like the good guy.

She said that the girl fukking me good meant nothing due to this generation being ok with having casual sex. It was a tool to keep me locked in and she never “loved” me per say.

asked how I can be so stupid at my old age lol

Everything that The Coli said.

She said I should’ve BEEN opened up to her and she would’ve told me what was up. She only knew of the positives about the girl and her young age, which was a bad idea… & not the entirety of the situation.

She doesn’t think that the girl cheated, but she was already entertaining the dude to see if he would be a good replacement. Once she confirmed that, then that’s why she was ok with leaving over the smallest disagreement.

She just jumps from situation to situation instead of fukking multiple people at the same time.

I’m just an extremely private person when it comes to my business and people that I date, but maybe I should share more with my family.

Breh, just be on demon time all the time. You'll feel better and avoid these situations. Even finding someone your own age, you will still run into the issue of someone who just wants to use you for something and a relationship that is entirely transactional. You may get lucky but shyt is pretty grim and a slim chance. Sorry breh.

 

[Gloxina]

She had her fun. He was looking for love.

Spoiler: don’t want to be insensitive

Sounds like she enjoyed the sex, but was bored overall. She’s ready to move her newfound sexual awakening to someone who excites her.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she comes back to use OP as her emotional crutch though. Especially if she’s going through financial and family issues. It’s probably not too late for them if he drops those coins and get her set up financially.

I mean, we are eye to eye

And, truthfully, the bolded and especially the underlined are what I’ve been explicitly stating.

His being older and more stable would certainly make him someone she would run to because all that represents stability.

However, setting her up financially, especially after she detailed the obvious financial stress she is under ( she was dropping clear hints breh), is indeed what would make her sit her tail down with him. If he can’t do that there’s no point for her.


PS- OP, if the young lady really didn’t want any help from you, she would have NEVER mentioned her financial issues to you out of a sense of pride. Think about it. The times you’ve had rough moments you kept your mouth shut because you didn’t want people in your business (like how you didn’t ask your sister for advice until this relationship was over). Your girl didn’t come out and literally ask you for help because she wanted you to offer help, like a gift (without expecting it back). You missed her cues.

 

[Sonic Boom of the South]

And they oddly underestimate the attractiveness of young men. For a normally adjusted young woman, a young handsome man will always beat out an older handsome man all things being equal. The same reason cougars seek out young men. If all you’re doing is fukking you may as well get prime looks and stamina. You really need money and game to beat out the thrill and primal attraction of youth. The true currency of an older man (or woman) is literally actual currency. If you’re looking for long term love, you need someone equally yoked. This is why most relationships and marriages are close in age.

It’s wild how she seemed to have more game and self awareness than he did and he almost has two decades on her.

You hurting a lot of feelings with this truth.

 

[Gloxina]

The first bolded- This should be common sense. When I was 19, I only had eyes for people in my age group. When older men tried to talk to me, I thought something was wrong with them. I still looked at myself as being a child, those men were my parents age or close to it.

Also, most young women put older men in the "he just wants sex" category not the dating category. At that age we're only bringing lipgloss and to the table


The second bolded- EYE didn't want to say it but how did he get gamed by a child? Two years ago she was in high school asking for lunch money and worrying about prom. Sounds like he was actually looking for love too, poor thing






I pray he ignores her if she comes back. She showed him who she was, he better believe her

Firstly, I feel you!
All true!

But the red is why I’m not exactly mad at this girl.

I don’t even think that this is a case of an older man getting gamed by a 19YO. As you said, she’s two years removed from prom.

The girl is young and figuring things out. I had NO game at 19, but I understood how I should be courted. My boyfriend was my exact age, from a nice family, in college, had a sports car and took me to every restaurant in town. We were way too grown lol But I didn’t need an old man to do nice things for me because I had a young man who was raised to do those things. He behaved the way my older cousins behaved with their college girlfriends and I wouldn’t have accepted anything less.
If I was with a man 20yrs older than him, what would be the benefit if he was doing the exact same thing a guy my age could do? Lol
As you said, normal, healthy young women want men of their own age because they are naturally attracted to them. The only true draw of an older dude is his stability and financial status (and hopefully maturity).

He may have been looking for something real with her —and if that’s the case I hope OP heals and finds something genuine, but the truth is he didn’t tailor his approach to properly woo a woman 20yrs his junior. And I’m forgetting— is OP actually 38 and she’s 19?? or she’s 21 or something.
Because in that case at the end of the day what we have here is a man who got to enjoy great sex with a woman HALF his age, and a young woman who didn’t get any real help from a man who had a 20yr head start in life. That isn’t really fun and why she cut it short.

In the words of @mag357 this is actually a case of poor management. We’ve had these chats in other Coli threads and I see his perspective when it comes to this dynamic.

She’s young and wants excitement, yes, but if an older man can give you a reason to walk away from all that and be with him, that’s a bargain a lot of women are willing to make if marriage, stability and provision are on the table.
That’s why youth is exchanged for provision. If she’s spending those precious young years with an older man, he’s supposed to make it worth it.
If not, you’d rather spend those young fun years with someone who is also young and you guys grow and learn and build together (oddly enough the most successful marriages are also the marriages where the spouses are close in age —no more than a 4yr gap, but TheColi always ignores those studies and statistics ).

 

[Gloxina]

You hurting a lot of feelings with this truth.

They won’t hear it from us because we’re women and over 30. They gon ignore you acknowledging it because you aren’t saying what they want to hear

 

[Gloxina]

And they oddly underestimate the attractiveness of young men. For a normally adjusted young woman, a young handsome man will always beat out an older handsome man all things being equal. The same reason cougars seek out young men. If all you’re doing is fukking you may as well get prime looks and stamina. You really need money and game to beat out the thrill and primal attraction of youth. The true currency of an older man (or woman) is literally actual currency. If you’re looking for long term love, you need someone equally yoked. This is why most relationships and marriages are close in age.

It’s wild how she seemed to have more game and self awareness than he did and he almost has two decades on her.

You basically ended the conversation here.

 

[Sonic Boom of the South]

They won’t hear it from us because we’re women and over 30. They gon ignore you acknowledging it because you aren’t saying what they want to hear

From day 1 of the coli, I called out the hypocrital bull shyt from everybody(men and women).



Some of these dudes just delusional.

 

[2 one 3]

Cuz really crashed out over a 21 year old…






You hate to see it…

 

[The ADD]

Cuz really crashed out over a 21 year old…






You hate to see it…

Wild

 

[Gloxina]

Oh Glox! I'm trying to be nice on the lord's day, and not quote the post you quoted and cut up because ain't no way

Spoiler

This was worse than I imagined. "and not introduce me to her friends or family" Why tf would she? OMG!

If I would've brought a 38 y/o around my friends and family at 19, I'd still be getting clowned

Cake baking with a 19 y/o who's not talking about and or showing interest in marriage, commitment, family etc? OMG!

"I was a place holder for a younger man" NO shyt! OMG!

But again we are haters

Spoiler

I need these dude to always, ALWAYS, remember the bolded. That child is not there because she likes spotting your random gray hairs, doing things outside of her age group, guesstimating if your pain is arthritis, talking about high blood pressure and A1C numbers, going to 40 y/o birthday parties, talking about retirement funds and prostate exams. Like what the fukk!!!!

EYE did not think these dudes were taking these kids THIS serious. Lordttttt have mercy.

Unless that child is super religious/sheltered her entire life or has severe daddy issues, she is not going to waste her prime years on an older man while being surrounded by men in her age group. That only works for the ones with deep, deep, deep pockets (even then young dikk will be within arms reach). She'll play the game but expecting her to fully commit to the rookie contract is NUTS! That's a perpetual free agent!


This is why Leo has an age maximum. He wants no strings attached fun, he knows the game and plays it well.

Spoiler

I've gotzzz to show this to my husband. It will bring back memories since he had a sugar mama in law school. Lil gigolo head ass LMAOOOO

Oooooooooooh I just came upon this comment.


GIRL!



Thank you


This right here ended it. You said everything I’ve been trying to say, but more succinctly. Kudos to you!

I ain’t got nothing left to say.

This is why I said there seems to be a disconnect in our culture. Why do brehs think young women would skip fine, hardbodies with stamina to last for hours (and I do mean hours) to be with an older man who isn’t bringing some financial assistance? Everyone else gets it and happily makes the exchange.
Young Black girls are the only ones who are supposed to be ok sharing their bodies with an older man and not actually getting provision. I swear.

As you said, Leo likes them young and keeps it fun. They get exposure, get better modeling gigs and contracts and somehow he’s decent enough to let them go while they’re still relatively young and they ALL seem to marry successful men after being with him.
Almost like he still puts them on game as he’s letting them go.
That’s why I said on here before I’m not mad at Leo because all of the young women he dates actually have good lives after they split up. There is an understanding. Both are benefiting somehow.
All these rappers will use up a woman’s youth, leave her a babymomma etc. It’s quite interesting.

Talking about A1C. Some dude in my office was trying to flirt with me and had to excuse himself to take a call from his cardiologist. I literally looked at him like he was crazy. What TF is actually supposed to happen here

 

[2 one 3]

I remember when I was 32 at lunch with my dad, my sister and my son.


This 19 year old waitress sent a note to the table asking for my number…


of course I was flattered, but I knew realistically there was nothing I was going to do with her. But we did exchange information and to this day she’s the homie!!

She ended up moving to Houston, graduating from college started a Turo rental line as well as several other business ventures. She must be about 24 or 25 now. Glad we stayed cool and there wasn’t no funny shyt. Because on two separate occasions when I have come down to Houston, she has hooked me up with herb.

And I peeped her family dynamic once we started talking years ago. It looks like her mother was a mistress to her father who was a pastor or some shyt and she was a b*stard child. I think her pops was 20 years older than her mom so it makes sense why she was feeling an older man.

 

[Sonic Boom of the South]

She said that the girl fukking me good meant nothing due to this generation being ok with having casual sex.

WTF.

nikka every generation was ok with casual sex. This current generation statistically has less sex than any other but damm. You really thought a 19 yr old wasnt just having fun with you? You really thought she was taking you serious?



You seem like a green nikka that maybe wasnt attractive and didnt have an active life and had a major glow up as you got older.

Or

Maybe you still traumatized from your last relationship and dont realize so you emotionally vulnerable and not thinking straight.

 

[Gloxina]

I remember when I was 32 at lunch with my dad, my sister and my son.


This 19 year old waitress sent a note to the table asking for my number…


of course I was flattered, but I knew realistically there was nothing I was going to do with her. But we did exchange information and to this day she’s the homie!!

She ended up moving to Houston, graduating from college started a Turo rental line as well as several other business ventures. She must be about 24 or 25 now. Glad we stayed cool and there wasn’t no funny shyt. Because on two separate occasions when I have come down to Houston, she has hooked me up with herb.

And I peeped her family dynamic once we started talking years ago. It looks like her mother was a mistress to her father who was a pastor or some shyt and she was a b*stard child. I think her pops was 20 years older than her mom so it makes sense why she was feeling an older man.

You see how you were able to ascertain what the situation was and get her background and how it impacted her and why she was probably open to you? (Don’t get me wrong I’m sure you look good and that’s exactly why she wanted your #).
She comes from an unfortunate situation and was willing to kinda play out the same dynamic, but you didn’t engage.
Shout out to the brehs with high EQ. I’m sure your friendship is something she appreciates.

 

[2 one 3]

You see how you were able to ascertain what the situation was and get her background and how it impacted her and why she was probably open to you? (Don’t get me wrong I’m sure you look good and that’s exactly why she wanted your #).
She comes from an unfortunate situation and was willing to kinda play out the same dynamic, but you didn’t engage.
Shout out to the brehs with high EQ. I’m sure your friendship is something she appreciates.

Most def…

She’s a really sweet person and she has her head on straight. She did go through her NFL & athlete phase which was around 21 or so and I understood that she was young and needed time to experience life.

And like my dad always told me you get more bees with honey meaning that you never burn bridges unnecessarily because you never know down the line when or where you might run into people or might need their assistance.