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[concise]

32.

I've been hella depressed lately. I don't know if it's from reading all of these stories of black men getting killed by police, reading that BWGTOW threadm or just a combination of stuff...but I'm just not meant for this society. Just meant to be alone. Never fit in anywhere. Grew up an outcast. Trying to find purpose now. Whatever. I've been slowly but surely feeling like giving up on everything and everyone except me and mine.

Just to be happy, healthy, and prosperous and to be able to afford the better things in life. I never had a real chance to have a real relationship. Or build with anyone. I've always been alone for the most part. To myself.

My birthday was last week and now I just feel down in the dumps. Useless. Depressed. No woman would ever see any value in me outside of looks and that's what I've accepted. In the eyes of most I'm a failure. But I never had a legitimate chance to succeed and even when I busted my ass to get to the point of success I wanted in my life, I have nothing to show for it. I'm just not meant for this superficial society. At all.

I've pretty much only have had one sort of relationship that lasted 4 months. It was a fling really. I never knew or know what an actual relationship feels like. SO I just avoid getting into it with women period. Maybe a one night stand or two...but nothing more.

I'm African & West Indian in a country that's for whites man. This shyt isn't built for peopel like me to prosper and be happy. Alright! What woman wants an African last name? What woman wants to build with me? Alright...what woman even sees me as marriage or relationship material!? I don't fit in this country.

I grew up as one of the only black families in an predominantly white affluent neighborhood. I grew up getting called everything from a c00n to a uncle tom to a white boy to an oreo and wasn't even seen as black in the eyes of most blakc people then I had to deal with white people's goddamn racism in Pittsburgh. I left there after college to have more opportunities available for me here in NYC cause over there there is NOTHING! Alright. I have an older sister who graduated college in 2004 and hasn't had a job in years and lives at home with my family. If I didn't move to NYC, I'd be broke, jobless, and living at fukking home in my 30s.

This is what I'm saying about this society isn't meant for a black man like me to prosper...just survive. Very few people legitimately want to support me or give me a chance so I had to take mad opportunities for myself to try to atleast survive and be happy.

I'm so fukking done with this shyt....I wake up feeling miserable and sometimes wish I was never born.

I technically work for myself. I have no job or employer. To me that shyt (and a salary) is a luxury.

Everyone sees my african ass name on my resume and stop right there. I've been denied more opportunities for employment than you can shake a stick at. Be happy you got some fukking anglo ass name and employers will give you a shot. I stopped trying to do the job hunt thing cause I was sick and fukking tired of being discriminated against. repeatedly. I was fukking homeless last year for 8 goddamn months you don't fukking know my struggle. I was sleeping in my goddamn car. Gettting denied jobs and housing. Having to use a Burger King bathroom to change into a suit for interviews on wall street. Having to find oddjobs from Craigslist to make money to find rooms and I would get denied even when I had the money.

No one wants to see me succeed other than me at this point.

I don't give a flying fukk what you think.

What? I can't be human? I have to be fake and shyt all the time? I cant have changes in mood? I can't express myself fully?

Sometimes this board really be pissing me off man...seriously and this is the only place I can go and express my feelings without being judged.

I hate how fukking judgemental other black people can be man. it pisses me off to no end. It's like, you can't even be yourself to other black people without being clowned...fukk man.


what the fukk is wrong with some of my people man?

I just want to goddamn vent cause I can't be real about race with some people here and you do this shyt...what the fukk man? I can't take this shyt no more man.

Man...fukk this thread.

Seriously, I'm done.

fukk this.

peace.

Alright, this didn't fukking help at all. I frankly just want to smash my laptop into a million pieces.

Obviously you want me to kill myself. No one gives a fukk about me. Seriously. This board is so fukking fake.

 

[How Sway?]

What? I can't be human? I have to be fake and shyt all the time? I cant have changes in mood? I can't express myself fully?

Sometimes this board really be pissing me off man...seriously and this is the only place I can go and express my feelings without being judged.

I hate how fukking judgemental other black people can be man. it pisses me off to no end. It's like, you can't even be yourself to other black people without being clowned...fukk man.


what the fukk is wrong with some of my people man?

I just want to goddamn vent cause I can't be real about race with some people here and you do this shyt...what the fukk man? I can't take this shyt no more man.

no hatred here my brotha,

you say a lot of real shyt, for the most part, and arent afraid to post shyt that most these nikkas on here would be afraid to for whatever reason

There's nothing wrong with expressing yourself
But come on man, you talking down other brehs for not being able to find a chick ( which is really just the result of an even deeper issue IMO) when you've expressed the exact same sentiments in the past and now.

thats whats really wrong with this place and black folks in general. We love to shyt on each other to boost ourselves up.

 

[Unknown Poster]

Man dont let the words of that lame affect you. He doesn't know you. But I agree you need to take a break from this board because there is nothing but mostly despair here

It's sad....I usually come on here for a laugh, some nostalgia, some music...but with all of these police shootings, all of this racial bullshyt going on in this country, this election, this board is less amusing and just seriously depressing at times. I try not to let my depression get the best of me, but sometimes it's a struggle. I take medication for it. I had a real bad dream last night and it messed me up this morning.

Yeah, I should just take a break...meditate. Get away from stressful situations.

 

[↓R↑LYB]

32.

I've been hella depressed lately. I don't know if it's from reading all of these stories of black men getting killed by police, reading that BWGTOW threadm or just a combination of stuff...but I'm just not meant for this society. Just meant to be alone. Never fit in anywhere. Grew up an outcast. Trying to find purpose now. Whatever. I've been slowly but surely feeling like giving up on everything and everyone except me and mine.

Sounds like you need to get you a pawg. Whenever I start to feel depressed I get around white woman and everything magically becomes right as rain

 

[Formerly Black Trash]

My name means "My Father's Wealth" in Nigerian. I would never change it. It would break my family's heart....and I wouldn't be me if I was another Timothy or Thomas. That's not me.

You proud of your family name
Yet you in here complaining that it's holding u back
My out have a problem and an easy solution

You don't even have to change it forreal, just lie when dealing with clients

So why are you whining?

 

[Unknown Poster]

You proud of your family name
Yet you in here complaining that it's holding u back
My out have a problem and an easy solution

You don't even have to change it forreal, just lie when dealing with clients

So why are you whining?

Sometimes I just like to talk to talk here....and maybe through my negative transgressions I can find a shred of positivity to work from.

I don't like to use this board as a mirror to my own personal problems...but sometimes I need to progress by doing so and embarassing myself in the process. Humility that helps me appreciate the things I do have in life as supposed to sulking about the things I don't.

 

[13473]

op i think maybe you are taking childhood issues, like getting made fun of for having a "funny" last name and applying it to women as adults. kids are cruel. it is hard to imagine a large amount of american bw rejecting u because they don't want an african surname vs their slave surname

don't rely on BWGTOW to paint a picture about all bw or even 1%. and tbh u being african + west african means those women weren't even considering u in their rants or stereotypes about bm. it was targeted at african americans, which u are not

there is definitely some woman (black or not) out there for u with a similar experience and similar set of insecurities.

 

[Unknown Poster]

no hatred here my brotha,

you say a lot of real shyt, for the most part, and arent afraid to post shyt that most these nikkas on here would be afraid to for whatever reason

There's nothing wrong with expressing yourself
But come on man, you talking down other brehs for not being able to find a chick ( which is really just the result of an even deeper issue IMO) when you've expressed the exact same sentiments in the past and now.

thats whats really wrong with this place and black folks in general. We love to shyt on each other to boost ourselves up.

Sometimes I feel others see value in me where I don't I think that's where I fail with women. They show interest, and I run away....

Sometimes I just cry thinking about how others have said in the past "why do you think women don't like you?"
I've had women say I'm attractive, cute, hot, in real life, online, go out of their way to get my attention, but depression has made me feel ugly and unwanted sometimes. It's the worst.

 

[Blackout]

op i think maybe you are taking childhood issues, like getting made fun of for having a "funny" last name and applying it to women as adults. kids are cruel. it is hard to imagine a large amount of american bw rejecting u because they don't want an african surname vs their slave surname

don't rely on BWGTOW to paint a picture about all bw or even 1%. and tbh u being african + west african means those women weren't even considering u in their rants or stereotypes about bm. it was targeted at african americans, which u are not

there is definitely some woman (black or not) out there for u with a similar experience and similar set of insecurities.

As an AA this statement is interesting.

 

[CinnaSlim]

Being an outcast can be lonely but that's why you need a strong relationship with yourself. Also reach out to people so you can have a few people to vent to for advice. Just don't succum to victimhood, remain empowered.

 

[Blackout]

Like what type of nikka is doing that? That shyt doesn't happen from what I see

Word, I have never met a man like that in my life.

 

[Unknown Poster]

Being an outcast can be lonely but that's why you need a strong relationship with yourself. Also reach out to people so you can have a few people to vent to for advice. Just don't succum to victimhood, remain empowered.

Thank you.

 

[Audemar]

Word, I have never met a man like that in my life.

You guys should stop with the "I've never seen it, therefore it doesn't exist" train of thought.

 

[Blackout]

You guys should stop with the "I've never seen it, therefore it doesn't exist" train of thought.

It aint that. Its just that Ive never met a man like that in my life personally.

Dudes I know would at least make a lady his friends with benefits at the least and not just reject all women who want him.

 

[Audemar]

It aint that. Its just that Ive never met a man like that in my life personally.

Dudes I know would at least make a lady his friends with benefits at the least and not just reject all women who want him.

Some of us aren't looking for friends with benefits, or even friends, but I understand.