Do your kids validate your existence? Parents Only

[O.T.I.S.]

I noticed it has become so especially with single mothers…


Not saying it’s a good or bad thing though

But this is why I laugh when they try to shame people who don’t have kids or choose not to

 

[Kasgoinjail]

Not in the sense that I have to put:
'Boss lady, mommy, foodie'
Underneath all my Social Media bios

But yes in the sense that I have a valid reason to live and strive for more. Before i just wanted to do good because of self determination
Now I have to do good because these children deserve the best I can do

 

[The BasedFather]

My son doesn’t validate me. I’m still my own person and not one of these people once they become parents they lose their identity. I love my son and he makes life fun. I never wanted kids and I don’t want anymore. Being his dad is a gift that I’m happy to have and I’m excited to watch him grow into a man one day

 

[BBG]

Some of you are really misunderstanding what I mean by validation but imma let y'all cook cuz the sm thot slander is hilarious

Not in the sense that I have to put:
'Boss lady, mommy, foodie'
Underneath all my Social Media bios

But yes in the sense that I have a valid reason to live and strive for more. Before i just wanted to do good because of self determination
Now I have to do good because these children deserve the best I can do

Don't let me find out you not still wit the pappy. International play dates can be arranged

 

[RickyDiBiase]

Damn. Is he taking corrective actions now at least? Are you still involved/supporting him?


Interesting

How do you feel about your pops? Are you able to look back and appreciate his efforts, or do you resent him?

He did his fatherly duties and then some but if you told me right now he’d die I’d break out a cigar before even thinking about shedding a tear

But my reality ain’t yours breh. Chin up I’m sure you doing the damn thing, he might even come around in his own at some point

 

[beenz]

I don't think so. I believe I would have ended up just fine if I never had kids. I mean, I definitely would have a lot more money

 

[Pitentmf]

Oh he knows exactly how I feel about him.


He's a teen. I'll give you a recent example. His mom called him asking to help her get groceries out of the car. Rather than get out of bed, he tells her to just do it herself even if it requires numerous trips. That's him his entire life - not willing to do anything for anyone but himself. And he barely does anything for himself.

My wife and I have fundamental differences in dealing with him. I'm okay with him hating me so long as as he develops the required tools/work ethic to survive, maybe even excel as an adult. He knows I'll be there to support him every bit of the way same as his sibling whose thriving by every metric (and absolutely adores me). This kid on the other hand just doesn't care about nothing. And he doesn't have to because his mom is always caping for him. She's too busy buying his love instead of having him earn hers.

This is just the moment though. He knows I'm waiting, and I'm hopeful that he'll one day decide to apply himself.

dealing with the same except he's not a teen anymore. He's the definition of lazy and procrastinator but wonders why his younger brother has surpassed him. Same upbringing, one has had ambitions and goals since he could talk (was always out cutting grass, playing drums and saving money). The other the exact opposite. Now he's 24 and everything we tried to teach and guide in the past (that was ignored) came back and took a chunk out of his behind.

Damn. Is he taking corrective actions now at least? Are you still involved/supporting him?


Interesting

How do you feel about your pops? Are you able to look back and appreciate his efforts, or do you resent him?

he's dating someone with life goals now and motivated to not lose her, so he's playing catch up. He never lost our support (he'll never be homeless or hungry) but our support comes with boundaries. Every ask has to come with a plan if it's to be entertained. So basically, we are "break in case of emergency".

We had to let him fall on face to understand how hard life is. Both his father and I came from very humble/unstable beginnings and did everything in our power to make sure the only thing they had to worry about was school. Some kids are born with it, some turn a corner at a certain age but there's always those that think they can skate throughout life with their hand out.

 

[BunchePark]

Oh he knows exactly how I feel about him.


He's a teen. I'll give you a recent example. His mom called him asking to help her get groceries out of the car. Rather than get out of bed, he tells her to just do it herself even if it requires numerous trips. That's him his entire life - not willing to do anything for anyone but himself. And he barely does anything for himself.

My wife and I have fundamental differences in dealing with him. I'm okay with him hating me so long as as he develops the required tools/work ethic to survive, maybe even excel as an adult. He knows I'll be there to support him every bit of the way same as his sibling whose thriving by every metric (and absolutely adores me). This kid on the other hand just doesn't care about nothing. And he doesn't have to because his mom is always caping for him. She's too busy buying his love instead of having him earn hers.

This is just the moment though. He knows I'm waiting, and I'm hopeful that he'll one day decide to apply himself.

he might need a mudhole dog

I woulda snatched him quick he tripping

 

[analog]

dealing with the same except he's not a teen anymore. He's the definition of lazy and procrastinator but wonders why his younger brother has surpassed him. Same upbringing, one has had ambitions and goals since he could talk (was always out cutting grass, playing drums and saving money). The other the exact opposite. Now he's 24 and everything we tried to teach and guide in the past (that was ignored) came back and took a chunk out of his behind.

he's dating someone with life goals now and motivated to not lose her, so he's playing catch up. He never lost our support (he'll never be homeless or hungry) but our support comes with boundaries. Every ask has to come with a plan if it's to be entertained. So basically, we are "break in case of emergency".

We had to let him fall on face to understand how hard life is. Both his father and I came from very humble/unstable beginnings and did everything in our power to make sure the only thing they had to worry about was school. Some kids are born with it, some turn a corner at a certain age but there's always those that think they can skate throughout life with their hand out.

There's a lot of folks in the Somali community that encourage their dead beat sons to marry (often arranged) in order for them to finally straighten up their lives. I thought this was complete nonsense putting the onus on some poor girl to solve an issue even the parents couldn't. But I'm now seeing their point for the first time. A woman can be a helluva motivator

It's very heart warming to see you and your partner operating on a united front in a healthy way. More power to you.

he might need a mudhole dog

I woulda snatched him quick he tripping

That's mama bears first born so she's hella overprotective. I'd have dropped his ass off in the African bush if it were up to me

 

[Pitentmf]

There's a lot of folks in the Somali community that encourage their dead beat sons to marry (often arranged) in order for them to finally straighten up their lives. I thought this was complete nonsense putting the onus on some poor girl to solve an issue even the parents couldn't. But I'm now seeing their point for the first time. A woman can be a helluva motivator

It's very heart warming to see you and your partner operating on a united front in a healthy way. More power to you.


That's mama bears first born so she's hella overprotective. I'd have dropped his ass off in the African bush if it were up to me

We are not Somalis but that's spot on for him. I hate the codependency is what gets him motivated (because if/when they breakup he'll revert) but if it gets him to mature to a point that he'll be able to sustain himself we'll be happy.

 

[analog]

We are not Somalis but that's spot on for him. I hate the codependency is what gets him motivated (because if/when they breakup he'll revert) but if it gets him to mature to a point that he'll be able to sustain himself we'll be happy.

It's good mine is at least handsome and thinks highly of himself. He might just be lucky enough to trap some unsuspecting chick that motivates him to do better

 

[maxamusa]

OP I'm feeling a lot of other's posts. Did you mean to use validate the way you did?

Cause I'm here for much more than being a father


Being a dad dope AF tho NGL

 

[BBG]

OP I'm feeling a lot of other's posts. Did you mean to use validate the way you did?

Cause I'm here for much more than being a father


Being a dad dope AF tho NGL

I did. What else is validating your existence? Your job? Your "accomplishments", your material possessions? Some of the others get it, some do not. You've made it clear where you stand so let me know what you think validates your existence. It's really an interesting topic but I think people just don't like for any external force (even if it is their own flesh and blood) to "validate" them. Not because of what it means to be validated, rather they just dont like how it sounds



To make it even more simple, you just said "Cause I'm here for much more than being a father". That's great, but wouldn't that imply that there's "much more" that validates you? So it's not that something else validating you is the problem, you just take issue with your child getting all the credit . The more you think about it you see it's really silly to argue against your own flesh and blood validating you. It's even deeper if you're a Christian because they believe Jesus exists because God wanted to experience the world as a human, through his son. Why would God feel the need to do that? Or any of us for that matter? If the architect of existence itself never creates anything, does he himself even exist? Or does anything even matter at that point? nikka just existing in nothingness all powerful for no reason lol think about it



Like I said, no diss to anybody because there's been great responses in here but I type wayy too much for TLR I know nikkas don't like to read, even on a goddamn internet forum . Also, to be clear, I'm not arguing your child HAS to validate your existence. I was only speaking on my personal experience. Although we're 42 posts deep and nobody has really told me what they feel like validates their existence besides the dudes who mentioned family/legacy/patriarchy which is literally exactly what I'm talking about. If family validates your existence then I believe naturally your greatest contributions is to add to it and lead and protect as a man.

 

[maxamusa]

I did. What else is validating your existence? Your job? Your "accomplishments", your material possessions? Some of the others get it, some do not. You've made it clear where you stand so let me know what you think validates your existence. It's really an interesting topic but I think people just don't like for any external force (even if it is their own flesh and blood) to "validate" them. Not because of what it means to be validated, rather they just dont like how it sounds



To make it even more simple, you just said "Cause I'm here for much more than being a father". That's great, but wouldn't that imply that there's "much more" that validates you? So it's not that something else validating you is the problem, you just take issue with your child getting all the credit . The more you think about it you see it's really silly to argue against your own flesh and blood validating you. It's even deeper if you're a Christian because they believe Jesus exists because God wanted to experience the world as a human, through his son. Why would God feel the need to do that? Or any of us for that matter? If the architect of existence itself never creates anything, does he himself even exist? Or does anything even matter at that point? nikka just existing in nothingness all powerful for no reason lol think about it



Like I said, no diss to anybody because there's been great responses in here but I type wayy too much for TLR I know nikkas don't like to read, even on a goddamn internet forum . Also, to be clear, I'm not arguing your child HAS to validate your existence. I was only speaking on my personal experience. Although we're 42 posts deep and nobody has really told me what they feel like validates their existence besides the dudes who mentioned family/legacy/patriarchy which is literally exactly what I'm talking about. If family validates your existence then I believe naturally your greatest contributions is to add to it and lead and protect as a man.

Relationships for sure provide validation. Family, friends, peers, etc..... I care about people who I respects thoughts and perception of me.

Accomplishments as well. The more I accomplish in life the more it confirms. It increases my strength and purpose.

I do have material possessions that do to an extent. Not nearly as deep. They're more like trophies if anything.

I'm not gonna get into the religious things in this post; you're saying a lot already and kind of asking questions and inserting your thoughts with preconceived notions of my responses. Say less and I'll give you better answers LOL