Fellas, I need your perspective…

[Studious one]

Yeah, her going isn’t the issue. Her injecting and attaching herself to her ex when he is in a relationship is totally inappropriate and him going along with it is ridiculous.

The fact that this is even a thing is just shytty.Tell your sister to run. She does NOT want somebody with those types of inappropriate bonds with an ex.

If a chick’s baby daddy pulled some shyt like this, most dudes would NOT be cool with it and for good reason.
That’s just my two cents.

Hope you are doing well and kudos to sis for exiting from a difficult union.

Yes, I did. She’s sad because she feels like she was played and they made a fool out of her,but it’s for the best. And yes, yes, yes yes to the baby daddy part.

 

[Studious one]

I agree with the bolded. Ole boy messed up by even mentioning it to his current gf. I never would have said it. And I learned that lesson the hard way as a young man. Men gotta stop being so chatty patty. There was no reason to even mention that to his current gf.

I can see the fact that the ex was gonna be there coming up in conversation cause he might say something about spending time with his children and then his current is asking "oh the children are there? They staying with you?" And that would have led to a bad situation.

But all I would have said was that she was gonna be there. My current would not need to know that she paid for my flight, that we was on the same flight, or no kinds of details about the situation... especially if I know that my current is a jealous individual.

With that being said, again... I had to learn this lesson the hard way. So maybe this is him learning the hard way.

Yeah, he really could’ve left that part about paying for the shyt out. I didn’t even look at that shyt suspect until I post it on here. My sister did but I told her that that was nothing.

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

Nah you bending this to make sure shorty is completely in the red. There's nothing suggesting the rental and hotel was made up by her, if so, why would she give the details of "he insisted he's staying with his other sister"?

If we're using character breh has shown his own insecurities so that's here nor there.

Like @O.T.I.S. said, the sister has all kinds of personality defects in this story and her making up stuff isn't completely out of the realm of the possible.

Maybe she didn't. But maybe she did.

I'm still saying, what kind of sense would it make for ole boy to tell her all that?

If you was in this situation (and I get it, you would never be in it, but if you WAS)... would you give your current gf all of these details? That wouldn't make any sense.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

We came to the same conclusion before I even read your post.

I’m looking at every angle

If my current gf’s brother passed away, and the ex-husband has her kids and he was close to my gf’s brother, I would probably understand that this is a family thing.

Now if she calls but I’m too busy to talk, and I call her back but she’s too busy to talk, I would be more understanding because I was just driving.. I’m pretty sure my gf is doing something more important than that.

Then, lets say she TELLS me that the husband is paying for the tickets, without assuming I would probably ask why, then she says because the entire family is flying in together, I would understand whether I liked it or not.

Welcome to getting into a relationship with an once married person with kids.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

I agree with the bolded. Ole boy messed up by even mentioning it to his current gf. I never would have said it. And I learned that lesson the hard way as a young man. Men gotta stop being so chatty patty. There was no reason to even mention that to his current gf.

I can see the fact that the ex was gonna be there coming up in conversation cause he might say something about spending time with his children and then his current is asking "oh the children are there? They staying with you?" And that would have led to a bad situation.

But all I would have said was that she was gonna be there. My current would not need to know that she paid for my flight, that we was on the same flight, or no kinds of details about the situation... especially if I know that my current is a jealous individual.

With that being said, again... I had to learn this lesson the hard way. So maybe this is him learning the hard way.

To me this would even be worse. The fact of the matter is that it isn’t just mentioning the ex that is the problem, it’s the fact that she is in the equation in the first place.

He had to mention it for plausible deniability just in case it got back to her.

This entire issue could EASILY be avoided by telling the ex “Nah. Thanks but no thanks, I’ll make my own arrangements. It would be inappropriate to accept that from you and my partner would be uncomfortable with that as well. We appreciate the offer but it’s unnecessary.”
I don’t know why people have such an issue understand basic respect and consideration when they get into a relationship. It’s okay to not do some of the same shyt with the opposite sex as when you were single.

 

[Shadow King]

Like @O.T.I.S. said, the sister has all kinds of personality defects in this story and her making up stuff isn't completely out of the realm of the possible.

Maybe she didn't. But maybe she did.

I'm still saying, what kind of sense would it make for ole boy to tell her all that?

If you was in this situation (and I get it, you would never be in it, but if you WAS)... would you give your current gf all of these details? That wouldn't make any sense.

It makes sense to tell that because I'm in an exclusive relationship with this woman and someone as significant as an ex-wife can present discomfort. If she finds out sometime later that will turn into some issue/accusations anyway. Might as well deal with it sooner than later if it'll be that.

I'd have no issue giving those details cause I wouldn't be trying to smash or rekindle with my ex, so hashing out the small print to eliminate her thought of a threat isn't an issue. Flip the script and you don't want your woman's ex husband footing her accomodations for 5 days, let alone to find out through probing/Freudian slip/someone else.

Look at the nature of people and this situation is a built-in excuse for an ex to overstep, and to me a grown man who's supposedly doing well for himself allowing that overstep is a rightful flag. Addressing the flag was just poorly handled.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Yeah, her going isn’t the issue. Her injecting and attaching herself to her ex when he is in a relationship is totally inappropriate and him going along with it is ridiculous.

The fact that this is even a thing is just shytty.Tell your sister to run. She does NOT want somebody with those types of inappropriate bonds with an ex.

If a chick’s baby daddy pulled some shyt like this, most dudes would NOT be cool with it and for good reason.
That’s just my two cents.

Hope you are doing well and kudos to sis for exiting from a difficult union.

They have kids together.. the shes not a baby momma shes an ex-wife was a part of his entire family at one point. Being ex’s doesn’t always mean you hate each other

Again, welcome to being in a relationship with a once-married individual.


How is the relationship with him and his kids? I read somewhere that he helped raise her kids by another nikka too, so it SOUNDS like he’s a decent dude.

Or does he sounds like a guy that deserves to be cussed out at his sisters funeral to you all. Idk… maybe I’m not seeing what you all are.

 

[Who Not How]

No, I don’t. I want realistic, perspectives, and that’s why I came on here. I don’t even side with my sister. I’m just saying that oh boy could’ve handled the situation better. Why does right and wrong is wrong. She is wrong for getting so angry and ending the shyt, that is correct. He is wrong for not establishing boundaries.

Cmon now. You looking to see who agrees with you and your sister I call it how I see it. There’s no evidence of cheating so she should have waited until he got back to have the discussion. But you gave additional information about how he is jealous and insecure himself so I'm not surprised of this outcome. The relationship was never solid in the first place and this little bit of pressure crumbled it.

 

[Studious one]

To me this would even be worse. The fact of the matter is that it isn’t just mentioning the ex that is the problem, it’s the fact that she is in the equation in the first place.

He had to mention it for plausible deniability just in case it got back to her.

This entire issue could EASILY be avoided by telling the ex “Nah. Thanks but no thanks, I’ll make my own arrangements. It would be inappropriate to accept that from you and my partner would be uncomfortable with that as well. We appreciate the offer but it’s unnecessary.”
I don’t know why people have such an issue understand basic respect and consideration when they get into a relationship. It’s okay to not do some of the same shyt with the opposite sex as when you were single.

And especially, especially if you wouldn’t like it if it was done to you. All these guys are saying all this about grieving and and all that, but I bet dollars to dog shyt that they wouldn’t appreciate the shyt if it was reversed. It’s not a matter of her being insecure, because he’s the actual insecure one in the relationship, it’s a matter of knowing that it’s a possibility that shyt could happen. You would be a fool not to acknowledge that shyt. Then, the next thing you know, oh, I was sad and grieving and I just fell into her p*ssy

 

[O.T.I.S.]

My only thing is this…

Why go through all this trouble just just to cheat and to fukk his ex wife

 

[Studious one]

Cmon now. You looking to see who agrees with you and your sister I call it how I see it. There’s no evidence of cheating so she should have waited until he got back to have the discussion. But you gave additional information about how he is jealous and insecure himself so I'm not surprised of this outcome. The relationship was never solid in the first place and this little bit of pressure crumbled it.

Again, sir, I don’t need for anyone to agree with me or my sister. I just told you that I got on her about how she handled the situation. If you look at my responses throughout the whole thread, I readily admitted to the fact that she handled it wrongly. I will, however, also say that, in the heat of the moment when your anger is riled up, you don’t know how you’re going to respond to something, so I’m not going to be too hard on her about that.

 

[Studious one]

It makes sense to tell that because I'm in an exclusive relationship with this woman and someone as significant as an ex-wife can present discomfort. If she finds out sometime later that will turn into some issue/accusations anyway. Might as well deal with it sooner than later if it'll be that.

I'd have no issue giving those details cause I wouldn't be trying to smash or rekindle with my ex, so hashing out the small print to eliminate her thought of a threat isn't an issue. Flip the script and you don't want your woman's ex husband footing her accomodations for 5 days, let alone to find out through probing/Freudian slip/someone else.

Look at the nature of people and this situation is a built-in excuse for an ex to overstep, and to me a grown man who's supposedly doing well for himself allowing that overstep is a rightful flag. Addressing the flag was just poorly handled.

Dude, NONE of these men would be all right if their woman’s ex-husband was footing flights and all that. you just put it the best way, it’s a built-in situation for an over step.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

They have kids together.. the shes not a baby momma shes an ex-wife was a part of his entire family at one point. Being ex’s doesn’t always mean you hate each other

Again, welcome to being in a relationship with a once-married individual.


How is the relationship with him and his kids? I read somewhere that he helped raise her kids by another nikka too, so it SOUNDS like he’s a decent dude.

Or does he sounds like a guy that deserves to be cussed out at his sisters funeral to you all. Idk… maybe I’m not seeing what you all are.

When I say in the equation, I don’t mean why is she at the funeral.

That’s fine. She may have had a good connection with the family. She may also have a good connection with the dude in the scenario.

All of this is fine.

The equation I’m talking about is the overstepping of boundaries in regards to the man. It’s not appropriate for her to do all of that for somebody else’s man, especially when his own partner can’t be there.
It would be weird as fukk if an ex tried to cover all my expenses for anything when my significant other was absent.

You really don’t see how inappropriate that looks? Hell my family might have even confronted me if I was there with an ex. They don’t play that foolishness
You can be cool with an ex without being extra and disrespectful or inappropriate IMO. Stop by, interact with the family, express your condolences and bounce.

But all this “Im going to cover everything for you and we can ride together to the funeral and I’ve got a hotel room for you and…”

Nah.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

My only thing is this…

Why go through all this trouble just just to cheat and to fukk his ex wife

People are grimey. This is light work compared to some of the shyt I’ve seen.

There are people with entire properties in side people’s names…I don’t put nothing past nobody.

 

[Studious one]

When I say in the equation, I don’t mean why is she at the funeral.

That’s fine. She may have had a good connection with the family. She may also have a good connection with the dude in the scenario.

All of this is fine.

The equation I’m talking about is the overstepping of boundaries in regards to the man. It’s not appropriate for her to do all of that for somebody else’s man, especially when his own partner can’t be there.
It would be weird as fukk if an ex tried to cover all my expenses for anything when my significant other was absent.

You really don’t see how inappropriate that looks? Hell my family might have even confronted me if I was there with an ex. They don’t play that foolishness
You can be cool with an ex without being extra and disrespectful or inappropriate IMO. Stop by, interact with the family, express your condolences and bounce.

But all this “Im going to cover everything for you and we can ride together to the funeral and I’ve got a hotel room for you and…”

Nah.

Very considerate for a person that couldn’t even keep their legs closed in the marriage and took the kids around for her shenanigans. Give her her halo and angel wings now, lol.